Yesterday ah waz convinced to walk up the tongue of le Monster and stand around inside for a bit.
After consulting with Muzzerr, ‘oo told me not to be such a big ‘Nancy Boy’…
and zen discovering zat inside le mouth of le Monster zere waz a selection of yummy nums ah decide ah would walk right in and ah wonder why all le fuss.
Ah am backed off and on a couple of times which waz annoying and all very boring ‘owever, ah did not zee any teeths or in fact le tonsils zat Le Uncle ‘ad been going on about and ah looked ‘ard.
La cats, Madame Possovitz and le elderly Monsieur Sticky Mooster were most impressed wiz mah bravery. Zey talk about it amongst themselves.
‘Zat is one brave ‘orse’ zaid Monsieur Mooster, ‘And ‘e’s zo ‘andsome and clever too’
Of course ah am not sure of ‘iz exact words as ah do not speak cat,
but ah know an impressed cat when ah zee one.
‘Aving got over mah ordeal, today, ah notice Le Uncle zampling zistle nuts.
Of course ‘e iz zo buzy with ‘is zistle nut zampling zat zis is too good an opportunity to miss.
Ah sneak up on ‘im…
Cleverly making sure zat ‘e iz still busy munching ‘is nuts…
And ah bite ‘is bum.
Ah waz pretty sure ah ‘ad got away wiz it.
Zo just to be sure ah bite it again.
Only zis time ‘e get mad at me and tell me to ‘Bugger off’!
‘Bugger off you existentialist little John Paul Fartré’ was ‘iz exact words.
Zo zen ah ‘ave to run over to La Muzzerr ‘oo cuddles me
and tells me what a good little boy ah am.
She did not zee what ah did and ah am not telling ‘er.
‘Le Uncle call me a John Paul Fartré’ ah sob, which earns me a big drink
and a long boring talk about existentialism and John Paul Satre.
‘Ah am not John Paul Fartré ‘ ah zay.
Later on ah meet Le Uncle in le paddock and we ‘ave a chat.
‘Son’, ‘e zay, ‘you have got to stop running around playing the big Bum Biter’.
‘It’s not right,’ ‘e zay, ‘blokes like us don’t bite bums’.
Ah am so pleased to be called a ‘bloke like ‘im’, ah don’t even ask ‘im what we do do.
We stand around together and watch la girls next door for a while.
Zen ah get bored and ask Le Uncle if would like to play ‘Ad it up to ‘ere’.
‘I have had it up to here with you’ he roars.
‘Where?’ ah zay.
‘Le Uncle? Where ‘ave you ‘ad it up to?’
‘E does not respond zo ah kiss ‘im.
‘E ‘ates it when ah do zis.
‘Look Mate, ‘e zay at last, ‘Your Mother and I have had it up to HERE’
‘No you ‘ave not,’ ah yell, while expertly ducking to the side…
Le Uncle ‘as not faced such brilliant manoeuvring in ‘is life before. ‘E iz up against le existentialist might of John Paul Fartré and ‘e don’t know what ‘as ‘it ‘im.