Yesterday was ‘annus ‘orribilus.
Ah waz attacked by a man een a blue overall
– a ‘orrible sight een eetself.
Ah should not ‘ave to zee someone dressed like zis.
Just between you and me, if someone wants to attack me,
zey should do eet wiz some style.
Ooh eet waz a terrible ordeal. Ah was given drugs
to ‘elp me cope wiz le fashion impediment.
Ah do not know eef ah can carry on. Excuse me a moment.
Ah feel quite ill just zinking about eet.
Ah zink ah am going to die. Ah am een all sorts of pain.
‘Oo know what ah got up to een mah drugged out state of mind?
Ah am dead now. Mourn for me.
What? Are you still ‘ere? Le Carrot you zay?
On be’alf of ‘orzes everywhere ah may be able to manage one small carrot…
A BAG of carrots you zay?
Eet eez a struggle but ah make eet to mah feets.
Ah bravely squeeze down a carrot or two.
Le Uncle ‘az ‘is concerned look on. “Crikey” ‘e zay,
‘You look about as useful as an ashtray on a racehorse’.
Being Australian, ‘e know nuzzing about being useful.
Muzzerr eez ‘ere to support me which eez more zan she was yesterday.
Ah ‘ave anuzzer carrot.
Yesterday she took one look at le blue overall and run away.
Le carrot make me feel a bit better now.
She left me wiz le man wearing blue overalls – what kind of Muzzerr does zis ah ask?
‘One’oo need anuzzer carrot,’ ah zay.
Muzzerr ‘as ‘er ‘Quite Interested’ look on ‘er face.
‘Son,’ she whisper, ‘you should not have taken those drugs’.
Le carrot supply look like eet eez getting dangerously low.
Ah am een desperate need of anuzzer carrot, ah could perish any minute.
‘Ah waz forced to take le drug,’ ah sigh as ah eat mah carrot.
‘Yeah right,’ zay Le Uncle, ‘Just like someone is forcing you take those carrots’.
‘Not quite’ ah reply, ‘ah always remember what ‘as ‘appened after ah eat a carrot’.
Suddenly Muzzerr notice zumzing.
‘Son,’ she snort, ‘Something is missing’.
Well of course ah know what eez missing.
A ‘ole bag of carrots, and zere eez only one ‘orze to blame.