The Poetry Recital

Today ah give le poetry reading, it is mah new ‘obby and,
lark everything ah do, ah am exceptional at it…
IMG_8357

Ah clear mah throat before ah begin, then….
‘Roses are red’…
IMG_8444

‘Worming paste is ghastly’
IMG_8446

‘Ah love le carrot’..
IMG_8448

‘But ah do not lark parsley’
IMG_8449

Ah ask L’uncle what ‘e think… ‘Huh l’Uncle, huh HUH?’
IMG_8451

‘Moi Son,’ ‘e say and ah know this will take a while and it will all be in Australian
so ah am already thinking up another poem…
IMG_8457

‘e carry on anyway –
‘A  kookaburra with a speech impediment could recoite better poetry than you’ ‘e say.
IMG_8453

But ah do not understand a word ‘e say, beside ah ‘ave another poem ready to go –
IMG_8450

‘Pardon moi for being so rude’…
IMG_8446

L’Uncle is trying to interrupt but ah ignore ‘im…
‘It was not me it was mah food,’
ah am shouting now so le ‘orzes next door can ‘ear it.
IMG_8469

‘It was a message from mah ‘eart’…
ah am fending off L’Uncle ‘oo is trying to get me to shut up before we both get in big trouble with Muzzeur.
IMG_8470

‘In other words it WAS LE FAAAARRRRRT‘ ah bellow.
IMG_8504

‘FART L’Uncle, get it? huh? HUH?’
I can not ‘elp mahself, ah do not know what get into me, ah am laughing ‘ysterically, taking great gulps of air.
IMG_8495

‘Haw haw haw’ ah go. ‘It was le fart L’Uncle’.
Ah ‘ave tears running down mah face and ah am snorting with le mirth.
IMG_8502

‘Ah make le joke about le farting L’Uncle, eh eh eh’.
IMG_8497

L’Uncle, ‘e try not to laugh. ‘e ‘as ‘is serious Old Man look on.
‘Zephyr, shut up and look behoind you’ ‘e whisper
IMG_8527

IMG_8515

 

 

Muzzeurr is high on Clover and it snowed!

We ‘ave all moved back ‘ome because of le White Sterf.
Ah am not sure about le White Sterf, it is cold and ‘ard to gallop around in and worst of all, can not be eaten.
IMG_8322

‘Look at this’ exclaim Muzzeurr, ‘I can open my mouth wide and troll for plankton’
IMG_8287

Ah am quite interested about that.
‘Plankton Muzzeurr?’ ah ask, ‘what is that?’
IMG_8264

‘Yum nom nom’ she go, ‘plankity plankton’.
IMG_8288

Now she is getting a little embarrassing but ah would still lark to know ‘ow to le troll for le plankton. If it can be eaten ah am quite interested.
IMG_8265

‘You should try it Zephyr,’ she say ‘open your mouth wide and suck it in’.
IMG_8270

L’Uncle is watching, ‘Crikey’ ‘e say, ‘you had better watch out for large  Paddock Sharks’.
IMG_8268

Ah try le trolling for le plankton in le white sterf.
All ah get is le cold nostrils.
Ah decide to look out for le Paddock Shark instead.
IMG_8327

‘If I spend all day trolling,’ shout Muzzeur all of le sudden, ‘does that make me a troll-op?’
IMG_8293

‘PERRRSIIIIL, Perrrsiiil, Perrrsiiiiilllllll’ she chant, ‘let me be your trollop.’
Then she laugh hysterically. Ah am mortified.
IMG_8294

L’Uncle look nervous.
‘Come on Merls,’ he say, ‘you’re  beginning to sound like a musically challenged wallaby trying to play God save the Queen on a didgeridoo’.
IMG_8302

He is right to be nervous. It is appalling. Ah can not believe she is related to me.
IMG_8321

‘Hubba hubba hubba’ she go.
IMG_8295

L’Uncle can not believe it either, Muzzeurr is normally la most polite mare.
IMG_8310

‘Come on you great big hairy chested lover boy,’ she continue, ‘Give us a kiss’.
She is making disgusting smacking noises with ‘er lips.
IMG_8296

L’Uncle is now getting ready to gallop out of there.
‘e suddenly recognise le ‘orze ‘oo is ‘igh on cloveur.
‘There is no reasoning with a mare who has had to much clover moi Son’ ‘e say, ‘you’re best to get the hell out of there and wait till things calm down’.
IMG_8309

But Muzzeurr does not look lark she will calm down any time soon.
‘er tongue ‘as fallen out of ‘er mouth and it will not go back in.
She is drooling all oveurr le place. Ah am ‘orrified.
IMG_8297

‘You see that Son?’ say L’Uncle to me, ‘that is why you must never ever troi clover. Your Mother is an addict, she noids help – you do NOT wanner end up loike her’.
IMG_8311

‘Sweet clover’ croon Muzzeur, ‘Roll me over in the sweet sweet clover’
IMG_8269

Just as ah am convinced ah will die of l’embarrassment, Uzzeur Muzzeur notice what is ‘appening and rush out with le antidote (a large dose of AlleviateC SOS).
IMG_8263

Soon l’effect of le cloveur wear off and Muzzeurr is back and some’ow L’Uncle and ah are both in big trouble again but for once ah do not care.
IMG_8312

Ah ‘ave mah Muzzeurr back and she love me.
She is also suitably embarrassed about ‘er be’aviour.
We forgive ‘er though, L’Uncle said it could come in ‘andy.
IMG_8316

 

Snow Business

This morning ah wake up to le carpet of white cold sterf.
IMG_7635

Ah ‘ave to be very careful ‘ow ah move on this.
‘Be careful Muzzeurr’ ah say, ‘You do not know ‘ow deep this is’.
IMG_7634

Of course,  very quickly, ah become le expert.
All le ‘orzes for miles around will come to ‘ear me talk about being le expert.
eh eh eh.
IMG_7639

L’Uncle, ‘e is impressed with mah skill.
This is ‘is impressed look.
IMG_7648

Because ‘e is so impressed, ah ‘elp mahself to ‘is ‘ay bag.
IMG_7642

And suddenly, ‘e does not look so impressed.
IMG_7647

So ah take  l’uge mouthful, ah can not ‘elp mahself.
IMG_7643

‘Strewth’ say L’Uncle, ‘do oi have to come over there and give you a bleeding hoofupyerbum?’
IMG_7653

Le Bleeding ‘oofupyerbum? For me?
Ah ‘ave no idea what that is but ah feel
‘onoured that L’Uncle would  present me with what is clearly le valuable Australian artifact.
IMG_7646

Did la queen get one when she visit? ah wondeur.
IMG_7645

L’Uncle is looking at me strangely. ‘e is probably wondering where ‘e is going to purchase le Bleeding ‘oofupyerbum from. ‘e is looking at Muzzeurr, ah doubt she ‘as one or she would ‘ave given it to me by now.
IMG_7654

Suddenly ‘e bart me for no reason ah can think of.
IMG_7668

Then ‘e gallop off before ah can catch ‘im.
Ah run afteur ‘im. Ah want mah Bleeding ‘oofupyerbum.
IMG_7678

‘L’Uncle, wait – aren’t you forgetting something?’
IMG_7679

Ah am trotting afteur ‘im fasteur and fasteur
IMG_7712

ah grab ‘old of ‘is smoking jacquet to slow ‘im down.
‘L’Uncle, give me mah Bleeding ‘oofupyerbum’.
IMG_7713

Muzzeurr is watching us. ‘You will get that kick up your bum if you are not careful Son’ she yell.
IMG_7733

Ah stop chasing L’Uncle, ‘What did you say Muzzeurr?’
IMG_7745

‘I said, if you do not stop hassling your Uncle, he will give you a great big kick up the bum and I will not stop him’.
IMG_7739

Somehow, this does not sound right; ah ‘ave to think about this.
Mah tongue tend to fall out of le mouth when ah think.
Le cold air on mah tongue feel good. le wind blow it sideway.
BRRRRRRRrrrrrrrppppppp it go.
IMG_7744

Ah stick le tongue out some more. Ah can taste l’air.
IMG_7748

L’Uncle is watching me taste l’air, ‘e will want some now.
IMG_7728

Sure enough, ‘e ‘as to taste l’air too.
‘e only take sips.

IMG_7654
IMG_7655

We are now thinking of setting up our own Air Tasting club.
L’Uncle and Son.
IMG_7769