Counseling in French

Eet is still not easy being le most popular ‘orze in le ‘ole paddock.
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Ah ‘ave to listen to le complaints…
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Ah then ‘ave to give le advice…
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Of course ah give all mah advice een French…That way, eet does not matter what ah say, nobody understand eet but eet sound sincere.
‘Je donne bleuh eifel toweur bleuh conseils,’ ah murmer.
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Then ah mutter more french stuff.
‘Je suis er Jacque Cousteau’.
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All le mares are unbelievably impressed.
‘Fere Jacques, bleuh bleuh Fere Jacques’ ah say soothingly.
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And, mah french clearly work. Starlight, she kindly offeur ‘er rump to me.
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‘Merci Beaucoup’ ah say and ah lay mah tired ‘ead on ‘er ‘uge soft botterm and prepare to ‘ave a nap.
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‘Come on Big Boy’ she say.
But ah am asleep and ah ‘ave no intention of going anywhere just now.
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Attacked by Cougars!

We ‘ave moved to our Mid Winter grazing and
ah now ‘ave two girlfriends so, of course,  they fart over me all le time.
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eet ees not easy being le most popular ‘orze in le ‘ole paddock -
when ah am busy anointing one le other want to be anointed also.
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‘Have you seen what your son is up to Merl?’ Le Uncle ask Muzzeur.
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‘We have to do something – they are COUGARS!’ growl Muzzeur.
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‘Crikey,’ sigh Le Uncle, ‘Cougars you say?’ ‘e is most impressed.
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‘He is far too young for the likes of them’ sigh Muzzeur.
‘Cougars,’ sigh Le Uncle, ‘it must be that bloody french accent of his’.
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‘Go for eet Son,’ ‘e yell.
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Then ‘e add – ‘don’t tell them you’re not really french’.
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Ah ‘ave no intention of telling them anything except ‘Sweet Nuzzings’.
Ah start with La Cougar #1. ‘Nuzzing nuzzing sweet nuzzing’ ah say ‘oping Le Uncle was right about this.
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It seem to be working when along come Cougar#2, and she do not look ‘appy.
‘Ah am truly le sorry,’ ah say, ‘but ah am le popular ‘orze, er, can you make le appointment?’
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‘What do you mean Make an appointment???’ she snarl,
and ah realise this must be le wrong thing to say.
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‘Sweet Nuzzing nuzzing nuzzing,’ ah whisper frantically,
Le Uncle ‘as taught me well.
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Then she tell Cougar#1 to buggeur off!
‘HE IS MINE!’, she scream.IMG_8367

This wake up mah new friend Booyah. ‘BOOYAH’ ‘e say loudly.
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Later on ah ‘ave a lot of making up to do with Cougar#1.
Eet ees ‘ard to manage all these Cougars.
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‘Nuzzing nuzzing nuzzing’ ah whisper,  ah am straining to look over ‘er neck,
there is a patch of tasty cloveur down there and ah am feeling a bit peckish’.
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Ah am about to whisper more but then ah realise ah am stuck and now ah am drooling at le cloveur.
Eet ees quite awkward.
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Muzzeur and Le Uncle are watching. ‘It’s disgusting’ shout Muzzeur.
‘Get away from my boy’.
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Suddenly ah am een big le trouble with Cougar#1.
She must ‘ave noticed that ah ‘ad drooled all oveur ‘er coat.
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Ah am trying to explain but ah can not talk to loudly because
Cougar#2 will not leave us alone.
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‘What are you looking at Booyah?’ ah ask crossly as ah try to patch things up with both mah Cougars.
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Le Uncle, ‘e is so envious of mah success with la mares, ‘e about to explode.
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Ah am far too busy being le most popular ‘orze in le paddock to worry though.
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Being popular ees very tiring. Ah think ah need la sleep.
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Suddenly ah wake up and there ees la big cougar staring at me, licking ‘er lips.
Ah am afraid. Ah want mah Muzzeur.
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Muzzeur come and rescue me and ah ‘ave to listen to a big lecture from ‘er.
On and on she go.
Eet ees not easy being le most ‘andsome and popular ‘orze in le paddock,
so ah go back to sleep.
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The Peril of Jet Propulsion

Ah learn something today, so orribile, ah am still een shock.IMG_8163

Even Muzzeur ees worried.
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Ah ‘ad been practicing le Jet Propulsion.
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Ah release gas with a force that propel me up and le forward.
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Le more explosive le force, le faster ah go.
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Ah am super powered by le natural gas.
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Even Muzzeur try eet.
She sound lark le ‘arley Davidson.
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Some time all thees gas propel me forward when ah least expect eet.
Le Uncle does not expect eet either.
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Other time eet run out and ah come to le abrupt ‘alt.
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As ah expel le gas, ah am launched into space.
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Ah need to find a way to keep le supply going. Eet ees a little stop and start.
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Le stop can be somewhat, disconcerting.
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Ah ask Le Uncle eef ‘e know anything about Jet Propulsion.
‘Huh?’ ‘e say. And then all of le sudden, ‘e tell me le most ‘orribile thing.
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‘Son,’ ‘e say, ‘you should be very careful, Oi knew a horse once, who used to propel himself round by the power of gas. Unfortunately, one day the stop valve blew out and the horse in question, torpedoed in large zig zags through the sky roight across the billabong’.
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‘Quelle’orreur Le Uncle, that can not be true’ ah am very upset,
ah wave mah ‘ooves around to show ‘im ‘ow upset ah am.
‘Was ‘e OK?’ ah whisper.
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‘Well, that’s the terrible thing, Son’, Le Uncle continue, ‘this horse was a steeplechaser, he was a good 17.2hh but by the time we got to him, son, he was a fraction of his former size’.
‘e is looking pointedly at le ‘orzes next door.
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Ah follow ‘is gaze.
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‘You mean?’ Le Uncle nods and ah feel queezy.
Ah no longer use jet proplusion to propel mahself around.
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