Fat Slappers & Electric Fencitar

Ah ‘ave taken up le Electric Fencitar.
You can play all sort of tunes by plucking le wire with le nose.
‘Bada bung bing bing bong bing biong bing….’
Le Uncle, ‘e ees most impressed.
IMG_9298

As le added bonus, eet drive Muzzeur  crazy.
IMG_9309

‘Stop it Zephyr, that’s not music, it is nothing but NOISE’.
IMG_9310

But ah ignore ‘er, she ees not le boss of me.
‘Bada bung bung bung bada berm’ ah go, ah am on a roll.
Uzzeur Muzzeur ees glaring at me but she ees not le boss of me either.
IMG_9320

Le Uncle ees muttering something about ‘aving respect for Muzzeur
but eet ees all een Australian so ah do not ‘ave to listen..
Besides, ah ‘ave come to le end of mah set.
Ah finish with le resounding ‘BONKITY BOING!’
IMG_9300

Ah give an exaggerated bow.
‘Merci Beaucoup everyone,’ ah say as eef they give me a stand up ovation.
While ah am down ‘ere ah discover le patch of uneaten cloveur.
Ah may be een this position for le while.
IMG_9369

Later, because ah am bored and Muzzeur pay me no heed ah pretend ah ‘ave died.
This will make ‘er notice me ah think.
IMG_9379

Ah roll oveur to see eef she notice yet.
Sacre Bleuh!
She too busy applying ‘er lippystick.
IMG_9380

‘How does this look?’ she ask me.
HOW DOES THIS LOOK???
IMG_9311

Ah can not believe Muzzeur think applying ‘er lippystick more important than ‘er dying son.
IMG_9376

Eet really ees very depressing.
IMG_9386

Ah sink lower and lower into a state of deep depression.
Ah suck on le grass stalks and contemplate mah future.
IMG_9387

Le Uncle ees watching me.
‘Get upya big Galah’, ‘e say.
Ah do not ‘ave to listen to ‘im.
‘You are not le boss of me’ ah mutter.
IMG_9391

All ‘e do ees chat up Les Girls. All day.
IMG_9398

Ah can not believe they so interested een wombats, galahs and crocodiles.
Stazi Paterson, ‘oo according to Muzzeur, ees a Fat Slapper, think ‘e ees ‘illarious.
She ‘ang around ‘im all day.
‘e do not ‘ave time for me any more.
Muzzeur ees a Quarter Horse.
IMG_9400

Muzzeur and ah watch een disgust.
‘Just LOOK at that Fat Brown Slapper’, shriek Muzzeur.
Ah am looking.
IMG_9359

‘She is a Fat Brown Slapper,’ snort Muzzeur.
Eet ees getting embarrassing now,
ah ‘ave to ‘ide be’ind ‘er.
IMG_9361

This ees about as much fun as le visit from le ‘oof trimmeur.
IMG_9362

‘I don’t know what Persil sees in these Slappers’ sigh Muzzeur.
IMG_9364

Ah feel eet ees time to put mah soothing influence into play and ah know just what to say -
‘Muzzeur,’ ah say soothingly, ‘you may not be a Fat Brown Slapper but Le Uncle do say you are a Fat Slapper’
IMG_9341

IMG_9312

‘TURMERIC BOY’ STRIKES AGAIN

29 year old part time model and full time Lothario, Persil Beaucoup (AKA Hoof Hefner) was caught in flagrante delicto today in what the paddock police are calling The Most  Blatant Attempt at Seduction seen since last week.
IMG_9234

Beaucoup puts his new found drive and energy down to the common spice – Turmeric, which has been added to his diet (along with black pepper and linseed oil).
‘Crikey,’ the little Aussie philanderer said, ‘I can’t help it; the mares are all over me like crocs on a drowning swimmer’.
IMG_9275
As if to prove a point he whispers something to passer-by, Starzi Paterson who immediately giggles like a young filly.
IMG_9252

Previous girlfriend, paddock socialite Merlot Moo, declined to give an interview saying she was shocked and appalled by Beaucoup’s behaviour. ‘It’s time he acted his age’ she said. ‘I’ve got a son who is (at a) very impressionable age and I don’t want to see him impressing this sort of behaviour on my boy’.
IMG_9229

She then added, ‘that horse makes me sick’.
IMG_9278

We watch (slightly awed) as Beaucoup puts ‘Turmeric Power’ combined with Australian charm, into action.
IMG_9260

Appearing to simply be blowing hot air all over a grumpy mare…
IMG_9262

Beaucoup proves once again, that Turmeric is – in his words – ‘better than a bucket full of Viagra’.
IMG_9266

 

Veterinarian in Training

Ah am finishing mah training to be a veterinarian.
Ah watch and learn. Eh eh eh.
IMG_8832

You ‘ave to be brilliant to spell veterinarian, let alone be one.
IMG_8849

And obviously, ah ‘ave what eet take.
IMG_8894

Muzzeur, she ees pleased with mah choice of career.
‘My son the Veterinarian’ she sigh proudly.
IMG_8879

Of course, there ees a lot to learn. It take a few days to gain le qualification.
IMG_8890

Le Uncle, ‘e ees impressed. ‘e ees also Australian.
IMG_8859

‘Crikey’ ‘e say, ‘you might as well send a crocodile to the bleuh bleuh bleuh’IMG_8861

‘e did not really say Bleuh Bleuh Bleuh but ah lost interest after crocodile.’ Ah put on mah ‘Quite Interested’ look.
IMG_8848

Besides, ah ‘ave study to do and mah tutor, Monsieur Andrew, Le Vet,
will be ‘ere soon to teach me everything ‘e know.
IMG_8761

Eet should not take that long.
IMG_8762

Ah ‘ope les Girls will notice mah qualification.
IMG_8763

Ah wonder eef Monsieur Andrew will come to me but ah decide to get up any’ow.
IMG_8766

‘e ees going to teach me ‘ow to ‘andle Uzzeurr Muzzeur.
IMG_8767

Uzzeur Muzzeur, she panic about everyone.
IMG_8768

Ah look for ‘er.
IMG_8769

Ah see ‘er and ah decide to practice what ah already ‘ave been taught by Monsieur Andrew Le Vet.
1. Do not look directly at le patient. See – ah know exactly where Uzzeur Muzzeur ees but ah am not staring right at ‘er.
Ah do not want to frighten ‘er.
IMG_8776

2. Advise on what and ‘ow to feed.
‘Do not worry Uzzeur Muzzeur’ ah say, ‘Just keep le feed up to me and ah will not expire.
You do not ‘ave to actually syringe in molasses to me Uzzeur Muzzeur’, I say ‘elpfully, ‘ah will lick eet up for you’.
IMG_8780
‘Of course you can give me carrots – in fact you must,
eet ees essential ah be fed carrots and plenty of them. Do not stint le carrots’.
Ah did not actually ‘ear Monsieur Andrew mention anything about le carrots or molasses but ah am certain ‘e meant to.
IMG_8735

3. Ah can not actually remember what le 3 ees, howeveur,
I feel much better now so eet clearly was not important.
Ah will ask Monsieur Andrew to ‘and oveur mah qualification next time ah see ‘im.
IMG_8852