Witness Protection

Ah ‘ave ‘ad to go into ‘iding.
Muzzerr and Le Uncle are threatening to kill me.
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Ah may ‘ave to go into le Witness protection.
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Ah do not know why, but suddenly, everybody want to  kill me.
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Ah am a very ‘elpful little boy. Ah groom Muzzerr.
Someone ‘as to do eet and Le Uncle refuse.
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Ah may ‘ave got a bit carried away with mah grooming of Muzzerr’s back.
She does look like an enormous carrot when you get up close.
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Can ah ‘elp eet eef Muzzerr does not appreciate eet when ah point out
eet ees ‘er big botterm that ees ‘olding up all le traffic?
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‘Look out Muzzerr,’ ah yell, ‘Coming through; move that botterm’.
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Ah may ‘ave given ‘er le ‘elpful nudge.
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Ah ‘ad no idea Le Uncle would get such a fright when ah gallop up be’ind ‘im and yell,
‘Run for your larf Le Uncle, your tail ees on fire!’
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‘ow was ah supposed to know ‘e would run for ‘is larf.
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And when ah leap up into le air and shout ‘YIKES, did you feel that earthquake?’
‘ow was ah supposed to know Le Uncle would ‘ave a ‘eartattack.
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Ah thought ‘e ‘ad died.
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But unfortunately, for me, ‘e recover, and now, ‘e look for me.
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Luckily, ‘e will never find me ‘ere.
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Showing Off

Once again ah find mahself een beeg trouble with Muzzerr and Uzzer Muzzerr.
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There was some sort of mix up, ah do not know ‘ow eet ‘appen…
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All ah know ees, after spending most of yesterday ‘aving a wash and a towel dry,
ah am being accompanied by Muzzerr, Uzzerr Muzzerr and mah Tante Jenny to what ees called a Show. ‘ere ees mah Show Face.
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Naturally, when ah get there and see many other ‘orzes dancing about, ah think to mahself, finally, thees is where ah get to show everyone le moves ah ‘ave spent so much time perfecting under Le Uncle’s guidance…
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We go in le class called Le Manners…
Ah show them, ah think. So, ah start with mah Passage
(Le Uncle spent a lot of time with me on this one – ‘hold ya foot like so, Son’, ‘e say)
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Then, as le line up of  ‘orzes start to move, ah decide to demonstrate mah Levade – ah am quite good at this…
(Le Uncle, ‘e ‘elp me practice, this ees not easy, not many ‘orzes can do this, as ah found out at le show when noone else did eet)
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Ah am really getting into showing everyone what ah ‘ave learned and finally beginning to enjoy mah show career, when just as ah am launching into mah ‘Airs above ground’,
suddenly, Muzzerr she ees growling at me and telling me to – Quelle ‘orreur, ‘Pull mah ‘ead in’!!!
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Ah did not even ‘ave time to do mah awe inspiring Capriole before ah was dragged out of le ring and made to stand beside mah embarrassing Muzzerr and ‘be’ave mahself’.
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Of course, standing there, pulling mah ‘ead een get a bit boring after a while so ah
decide eet ees a good idea to ‘ave a good roll -
‘ow was ah supposed to know that rolling on le ground ees not ‘done’ at le show?
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When ah get back ‘ome, Le Uncle want to know eef ah showed them what ah could do.
‘Well Son? did ya get to show them ya moves?’
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‘You’d better tell your Uncle exactly what you did Zephyr,’ said mah Muzzerr
‘And it is NOT funny’, she add.
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So ah tell Le Uncle everything.
‘Le uzzerr ‘orzes were very posh Le Uncle’ – ah show ‘im mah Posh Face….
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So now, through no fault of mah own, ah am, once again een big trouble.
Le Uncle, ‘e ees een big trouble also – something about ‘Teaching me to beaneijit’.
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Sculpted in the Clouds

Ah am Muzzerr’s ‘Personal Trainer’.
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Le Uncle and ah discussed Muzzer’s fat botterm and decided something need to be done.
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She does ‘ave a fat botterm.
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She was posing for some photographs while Le Uncle and ah discuss politics and such important stuff.
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‘No, ah do not think you would be suitable to be President of this paddock;’ ah ‘ad to say eet.
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‘Ah do not think you ‘ave all le qualifications’ ah continue.
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Le Uncle, ‘e agree. ‘You’re roight  Son,’ ‘e say, ‘but I’d make a bloody good Prime Meenister’
Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about so ah just agree with ‘im.
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Then eet ees mah turn to pose.
Muzzerr slick mah ‘air down with slobbeur, and put on mah ‘Fresh Faced Intelligent Young Man face’.
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Uzzerr Muzzerr brush mah ‘air back over mah face.
Clearly eet does not pay to look too intelligent.
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Just then, ah spy a cloud up een le sky.
Eet ees shaped exactly like Muzzerr’s big botterm!
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Ah cannot  take mah eyes off eet.
‘oo climb up there and immortalize Muzzerr’s Botterm out of fluff, ah wonder.
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