L’Uncle gives a Lecture

L’Uncle is giving a lecture and Muzzeur force me to attend.
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‘You must go and support him Son, you could learn a lot from your Uncle Persil’
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This is rich coming from Muzzeurr, she can’t stand him. sh is always calling ‘im le little Auzie Blighter.
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‘I heard that Son, and it is simply not true, he can’t help being Australian’.
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I go over to see if L’Uncle needs a hand to set up for ‘is lecture.
Ah am le very ‘elpful little boy.
All le sheep will be attending.
‘e is busy clearing ‘is throat. ‘e look nervous.
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Le Sheep are on their way. They are very excited.IMG_4509

Finally L’Uncle is ready to begin. Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e will be lecturing about.
I don’t think ‘e ‘as any idea either.
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‘e begin.
‘G’day moites, oi’d loike to welcome everybody,’ ‘e say, ‘thank all you liddle rippers for coming, please turn your cell phones off’
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I can not believe ‘e say that. ‘e is trying to be le funny ‘orze.
Just between you and me, Sheep don’t ‘ave cell phones.
Ah am le embarrassed ‘orze already. This will be le long lecture.
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Le Good Sheep Lollypop is dying to ask about le cell phone but L’Uncle is not stopping.
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‘e carry on ignoring le fact le sheep are shuffling around trying to find le cell phones they don’t ‘ave.
‘Now eef you’d all just pull ya heads in, oi’d like to talk to you about moi time on the endurance circuit..’
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My friend Gollamb, ‘oo is le same age as me, is
trying to understand le Australian. Ah try to translate for ‘im.
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‘e is saying that ‘is nephew, that is me, is a brilliant and ‘andsome orze ‘oo will one day win every race on le planet’ ah explain. Actually ah am so bored ah am nearly asleep.
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‘As you all know, oi was once a champion endurance horse’.
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‘What is he going on about?’ ask Islamb. None of le sheep ‘ave any idea what ‘e is talking about.
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That is clearly le point of  lecture, make everyone think you are so brilliant that noone else understand a word you say.
Ah ‘ave to admit, L’Uncle is very good at it.
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‘Only the tough survive and there’s no room for chucking a wobbly out there’.
Ah am yawning loudly.
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Muzzeurr is glaring at me. Ah can’t ‘elp it.IMG_6591

Ah stop yawning and put on mah ‘Quite Interested’ look.
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Even Le Good Sheep Lollypop is almost asleep.
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L’Uncle continues droning on and on in Australian.
‘Let me tell you pack of Wowsers, there are crocs and mozzies all over the place, it is not for the faint hearted’.
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Ah wonder what time dinner is.
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‘Bleuh bleuh billabong bleuh roll up a swag and have a big chinwag,’ ‘e go.
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Le Good Sheep Lollypop look lark she about to die of boredom.
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‘Kookaburra spinning furphys in the vegemoite’ ‘e say, or something like that.
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‘ow long will this lecture will go on, ah am too ‘andsome to ‘ave to listen to this.
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Some’ow Muzzeurr notice me wondering,
‘Zephyr’, she say, ‘pleease try, just for once, to behave yourself’.
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Ah am trying but L’Uncle will not finish ‘is lecture.
‘Marching round in flip flops bleuh bleuh, spat the dummie over that one bleuh bleuh’.
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Mah friend Gollamb look at me and roll ‘is eye.
Ah mouth le word ‘BORING’ to ‘im.
‘BOING?’ ‘e ask.
‘No BORRRING’ ah try again.
‘Borkling?’
Ah give up.
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Finally le most boring day of mah life is oveur.
Ah need le drink.
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