Under Surveilence

Today ah ‘ave a black eye.
Ah ‘ave no idea ‘ow it ‘appen as ah can’t remember
but apparently surveillance cameras caught some action in le paddock.
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A ‘orze, ‘oo look a lot like me, waz zeen assaulting Persil and Muzzer
on two separate occasions.
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Of course it iz not me, ah would never do such a zing.
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Muzzerr sure give ‘im a whopping.IMG_7926

As usual ah get le blame. Ah expected that. ‘It iz another little ‘orze’ ah zay, look, ah will find ‘im’. I do not know why zey do not believe me.
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Ah show le photos to Gollamb and and ‘e agree, zere iz a little ‘orze
‘oo looks a lot like me ‘iding in le forest ‘oo come out and be naughty when ah am not around.
‘E zaid ‘e ‘as ‘eard about a small sheeps ‘oo do le same zing.
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Muzzerr gave me zat, ‘For Gawd’s zake tell le truth’ look
when ah deny all knowledge of ‘aving been near le scene of la crime.
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‘Well’, ah zay, ‘you ‘ave a stinky bottom’.
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Le pooch giggle at zat one. Ah quite like ‘im, even if he do wear a pink collar.
We can’t all be fashion concious.
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Even Madame Myrtle zinks ah am one funny ‘orze.
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Of course, ah try not to laugh at mah own jokes.
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Though sometime ah just can not ‘elp mahself and ah laugh zo ‘ard ah snort all over Muzzerr.
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Zat waz when Muzzerr ask Uzzer Muzzerr to take me off ‘er ‘ooves.
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Even Le Uncle was a grumpy ‘orze today. It must be le ‘eat.
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It zo ‘ot later on, Madam Possovitz lay around watching surveillance TV like a big furry tart. Zat cat ‘as all la decorum of a bathroom sponge.
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Even la pooch – Madame Magoo, and le cat, Monsiour Mooster share a spot under le table on le deck.
Zey are on surveillance duty. Zey appear to be on ‘igh alert.
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It so ‘ot, ah feel an urge to apologise to Muzzerr.
‘Muzzerr’ ah zay, ‘Muzzerr?’
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‘You ‘ave not really got a stinky be’ind’.
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‘Why do ah always get le blame?’ ah ask.
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‘Muzzerr, le sheeps zay le end of la world iz ‘appening next week’.
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‘They zaid it ‘appen next Tuesday at 2.30pmish –
you will not even ‘ave ‘ad your dinner’
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‘Muzzerr?’ now ah know she iz not listening.
She would usually be in a big panic about missing ‘er nums
because of le end of la world.
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Le next zing, she turn around to Uzzerr Muzzerr and tell ‘er ah taste like le back end of a magpie. “ow does she know what le back end of a magpie taste like?
Ah ‘ave not been near any magpie’s back end.
‘What time is Num Time?’ she ask.
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