Such is le demand for mah wisdom and ‘andsomness
that eet ees ‘ard to find time to even scratch mah berm.
Thees ah am reminded of once again when ah was rudely interrupted by another visiteur.

Eet ees mah Tante Roz.
‘My oh my’ she gush, ‘what a big boy you have become’.
Ah wait patiently for ‘er to say something about ‘ow cleveur and ‘andsome
ah ‘ave also become.

Finally, ah ‘ave to remind ‘er. ‘av you forgotten something Tante?’ ah say.
She keep staring at me with those beeg dumb eyes of ‘ers.

She ees obviously, not very cleveur so ah ‘ave to whisper een ‘er ear.
‘You ‘ave not seen a more ‘andsome and cleveur big ‘orze’ ah murmer.

Ah geev ‘er a leetle kiss and ruffle ‘er ‘air, to encourage ‘er.

Then, because all mah visitors lately ‘ave wanted to
inspect mah teefs, ah show them to ‘er.
‘Look,’ ah say, ‘look at mah teefs’. Ah did not do thees for mah last visiteur.
‘That ees because, ‘e ask me for a look so ah, naturally, refuse.
Eet ees mah right to refuse.
Thees time, eet ees different. Ah offeur.

‘Ooooh’ she gasp, ‘what a fine set of teeth you have Zephyr!’

‘ere,’ ah say, ‘check out mah bottom teefs also’.

Ah show them to le birds in le trees. Apparently, birds do not ‘ave teefs.
Ah bet they wish they ‘ad teefs lark mine.
‘Ah do not show mah teefs to just anyone’, ah say.

At this, le Uncle look up from ‘is ‘oovering.
‘Yeah right,’ ‘e say, ‘just ask Andrew, the vet’.

Somebody ‘oo wear white lipsteeck ‘as been kissing Le Uncle
so Muzzerr, she ees not ‘appy.

Of course eet ees up to me to defend Muzzerr’s ‘onour.
So ah challenge Le Uncle to la fart.

‘So‘, ah yell, mostly for Muzzer’s benefeet,
‘you must fart with me’.

‘Ah ‘ave ‘ad eet up to ‘ere‘ ah yell; again, so Muzzerr can ‘ear me.

Eet all start when Muzzerr note Le Uncle ‘as white lippysteeck all over ‘is face.
Nothing get past Muzzerr, ah know thees from past experience.

Le Uncle say ‘e know nothing about eet. But we can see ‘e ees guilty.

Of course, ah know nothing about eet.

White lippysteeck would be a fashion disaster.
And being french, ah know all about fashion.
‘oo could be so fashion impeeded ah wonder.

Ah decide to find out.

Ah ‘ave not got far een mah search when suddenly ah am thinking about turtles
and ‘ow come they carry a stable around with them.
Ah pretend ah am carrying an entire stable around on mah back.

Ah wonder eef there are any turtles een le forest.

Then ah notice Muzzerr ees watching me.

And so ees Le Uncle and ah remember mah mission

‘Do not worry Muzzerr,’ ah say, ‘ah will find Les Girl with le lippysteeck’.

‘Le Uncle,’ ah whisper, ‘Where ees La Girl?’

‘Please Le Uncle,’ ah beg, ‘ah must know where she ees, she will need a kiss from me’.

‘Even eef ‘er taste een lippysteeck ees not so good’ ah say, ‘ah will give ‘er a french kiss to make ‘er fall een love with me’.

Le Uncle swears on ‘ees larf ‘e ‘as ‘ad nothing to do with Les Girls’
but le evidence ees clear… Somebody ‘as been kissing Le Uncle.

One day soon, ‘e will spill le beans and when ‘e does, ah will be ready to kiss Les Girls mahself.

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