Today ah give le poetry reading, it is mah new ‘obby and,
lark everything ah do, ah am exceptional at it…

Ah clear mah throat before ah begin, then….
‘Roses are red’…

‘Worming paste is ghastly’

‘Ah love le carrot’..

‘But ah do not lark parsley’

Ah ask L’uncle what ‘e think… ‘Huh l’Uncle, huh HUH?’

‘Moi Son,’ ‘e say and ah know this will take a while and it will all be in Australian
so ah am already thinking up another poem…

‘e carry on anyway –
‘A  kookaburra with a speech impediment could recoite better poetry than you’ ‘e say.

But ah do not understand a word ‘e say, beside ah ‘ave another poem ready to go –

‘Pardon moi for being so rude’…

L’Uncle is trying to interrupt but ah ignore ‘im…
‘It was not me it was mah food,’
ah am shouting now so le ‘orzes next door can ‘ear it.

‘It was a message from mah ‘eart’…
ah am fending off L’Uncle ‘oo is trying to get me to shut up before we both get in big trouble with Muzzeur.

‘In other words it WAS LE FAAAARRRRRT‘ ah bellow.

‘FART L’Uncle, get it? huh? HUH?’
I can not ‘elp mahself, ah do not know what get into me, ah am laughing ‘ysterically, taking great gulps of air.

‘Haw haw haw’ ah go. ‘It was le fart L’Uncle’.
Ah ‘ave tears running down mah face and ah am snorting with le mirth.

‘Ah make le joke about le farting L’Uncle, eh eh eh’.

L’Uncle, ‘e try not to laugh. ‘e ‘as ‘is serious Old Man look on.
‘Zephyr, shut up and look behoind you’ ‘e whisper

We ‘ave all moved back ‘ome because of le White Sterf.
Ah am not sure about le White Sterf, it is cold and ‘ard to gallop around in and worst of all, can not be eaten.

‘Look at this’ exclaim Muzzeurr, ‘I can open my mouth wide and troll for plankton’

Ah am quite interested about that.
‘Plankton Muzzeurr?’ ah ask, ‘what is that?’

‘Yum nom nom’ she go, ‘plankity plankton’.

Now she is getting a little embarrassing but ah would still lark to know ‘ow to le troll for le plankton. If it can be eaten ah am quite interested.

‘You should try it Zephyr,’ she say ‘open your mouth wide and suck it in’.

L’Uncle is watching, ‘Crikey’ ‘e say, ‘you had better watch out for large  Paddock Sharks’.

Ah try le trolling for le plankton in le white sterf.
All ah get is le cold nostrils.
Ah decide to look out for le Paddock Shark instead.

‘If I spend all day trolling,’ shout Muzzeur all of le sudden, ‘does that make me a troll-op?’

‘PERRRSIIIIL, Perrrsiiil, Perrrsiiiiilllllll’ she chant, ‘let me be your trollop.’
Then she laugh hysterically. Ah am mortified.

L’Uncle look nervous.
‘Come on Merls,’ he say, ‘you’re  beginning to sound like a musically challenged wallaby trying to play God save the Queen on a didgeridoo’.

He is right to be nervous. It is appalling. Ah can not believe she is related to me.

‘Hubba hubba hubba’ she go.

L’Uncle can not believe it either, Muzzeurr is normally la most polite mare.

‘Come on you great big hairy chested lover boy,’ she continue, ‘Give us a kiss’.
She is making disgusting smacking noises with ‘er lips.

L’Uncle is now getting ready to gallop out of there.
‘e suddenly recognise le ‘orze ‘oo is ‘igh on cloveur.
‘There is no reasoning with a mare who has had to much clover moi Son’ ‘e say, ‘you’re best to get the hell out of there and wait till things calm down’.

But Muzzeurr does not look lark she will calm down any time soon.
‘er tongue ‘as fallen out of ‘er mouth and it will not go back in.
She is drooling all oveurr le place. Ah am ‘orrified.

‘You see that Son?’ say L’Uncle to me, ‘that is why you must never ever troi clover. Your Mother is an addict, she noids help – you do NOT wanner end up loike her’.

‘Sweet clover’ croon Muzzeur, ‘Roll me over in the sweet sweet clover’

Just as ah am convinced ah will die of l’embarrassment, Uzzeur Muzzeur notice what is ‘appening and rush out with le antidote (a large dose of AlleviateC SOS).

Soon l’effect of le cloveur wear off and Muzzeurr is back and some’ow L’Uncle and ah are both in big trouble again but for once ah do not care.

Ah ‘ave mah Muzzeurr back and she love me.
She is also suitably embarrassed about ‘er be’aviour.
We forgive ‘er though, L’Uncle said it could come in ‘andy.