Being Le Proffesser Emeritus ‘as its advantages.
Clearly, with such qualification,
everyone realise that ah know what ah am talking about.
Actually, ah usually ‘aven’t le clue, ah did not study all that ‘ard,
‘oweveur, ah do not let that get in le way of sharing mah sought afteur opinion on everything.
‘What do ah think of le farting in Iraq?’ ah am asked.
‘Ahh’ ah say, and ah clear mah throat with much french sounding ‘oicking –
actually, ah am stalling because ah did not know anyone fart in Iraq.
Ah shall ‘ave to make something up.
‘Ah yes, le farting in Iraq,’ ah say, ‘well, clearly a lot of people lark to fart’.
Ah can tell they are waiting for me to say more about farting.
So ah carry on. Ah am warming to mah subject matteur now.
‘For example, take Le Uncle and mahself,’ ah say,
‘we love to faaarrrrt, in fact we FAAARRRRRT for ‘ours every day’.
Ah am putting le french in le fart for l’emphasis.
‘It is our right to FAAARRRRT, as it is yours – go ahead FFFAAARRRRT alongside me,’ ah offeur kindly.
Le Uncle is looking at me.
‘Crikey’ ‘e say, ‘You are about as learned as a screamer in Didjabringyagrogalong’.
‘Huh?’ ah say. Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e just said.
‘Oi said,’ ‘e repeat, ‘you have about as bleuh bleuh qualifications bleuh titsonabull bleuh’.
Where is Titsonabull? ah think to mahself.
It must be one of those places in Australia, Le Uncle is always on about.
Ah nod knowledgeably.
And ah wonder to mahself, if there is much farting going on in Titsonabull.