Spray Tans and le Stealth Gallop

L’Uncle decide to practise ‘is dressage so luckily, ah am on ‘and to ‘elp.

‘Collect le trot at C’ ah say, racing a’ead to show ‘im where C is.
‘e get off to le poor start when ‘e go backward instead of forward.
Ah was not expecting this.

‘Collect le trot at C’ ah say, racing a’ead to show ‘im where C is.

‘ERE’ ah yell, ‘C is ‘ere’.
But L’Uncle, ‘e ‘ave no idea about le dressage.
‘e is Australian. Australians ‘ave no idea where ‘anything is.

Then ‘e surprise me with le extended gallop, ah ‘ave to get out of le way ‘as ‘e is veering off course, ‘e ‘as no idea what ‘e is doing.IMG_6148

‘Get out of moiway ya big hairy Tosser’ ‘e yell.
‘Tosseurr’ ah yell back, ‘Le word is Tosseurr’.

Suddenly ‘e stop and face me, ‘e is yelling in Australian.
‘Son’, you are loike a bloody cane toad eena bowl of custard’.
It take me a minute to translate, ‘Thank you L’Uncle’ ah say finally, ‘ah am a brilliant and ‘andsome ‘orze, you are quite ‘andsome too, for L’old man’.

Muzzeurr is watching us.
‘Zephyr’ she said, ‘that is not what your Uncle said and you know it’.

Suddenly ah feel quite cross with L’Uncle.
Ah collect le gob full of water and rush over to spray ‘im with it.

Ah ‘ave to get just le right angle. ‘e is not making it easy for me.
Le water is dribbling down mah lips, ah can not ‘old it in.

Finally ah realise it ‘as all leaked out. L’Uncle must ‘ave realised too.
‘What are trying to do Son?’ ‘e ask, ‘Give me a spray tan?’

Ah still ‘ave some in mah cheek pouches, ah work it up ready to get ‘im.

‘Pffffffffft!’ ah go, all oveur ‘im.

And then, before ‘e can get me, ah rear back and…

stealthily gallop away before L”Uncle know what ‘as ‘it ‘im.