Today ah ‘ave a black eye.
Ah ‘ave no idea ‘ow it ‘appen as ah can’t remember
but apparently surveillance cameras caught some action in le paddock.
A ‘orze, ‘oo look a lot like me, waz zeen assaulting Persil and Muzzer
on two separate occasions.
Of course it iz not me, ah would never do such a zing.
Muzzerr sure give ‘im a whopping.
As usual ah get le blame. Ah expected that. ‘It iz another little ‘orze’ ah zay, look, ah will find ‘im’. I do not know why zey do not believe me.
Ah show le photos to Gollamb and and ‘e agree, zere iz a little ‘orze
‘oo looks a lot like me ‘iding in le forest ‘oo come out and be naughty when ah am not around.
‘E zaid ‘e ‘as ‘eard about a small sheeps ‘oo do le same zing.
Muzzerr gave me zat, ‘For Gawd’s zake tell le truth’ look
when ah deny all knowledge of ‘aving been near le scene of la crime.
‘Well’, ah zay, ‘you ‘ave a stinky bottom’.
Le pooch giggle at zat one. Ah quite like ‘im, even if he do wear a pink collar.
We can’t all be fashion concious.
Even Madame Myrtle zinks ah am one funny ‘orze.
Of course, ah try not to laugh at mah own jokes.
Though sometime ah just can not ‘elp mahself and ah laugh zo ‘ard ah snort all over Muzzerr.
Zat waz when Muzzerr ask Uzzer Muzzerr to take me off ‘er ‘ooves.
Even Le Uncle was a grumpy ‘orze today. It must be le ‘eat.
It zo ‘ot later on, Madam Possovitz lay around watching surveillance TV like a big furry tart. Zat cat ‘as all la decorum of a bathroom sponge.
Even la pooch – Madame Magoo, and le cat, Monsiour Mooster share a spot under le table on le deck.
Zey are on surveillance duty. Zey appear to be on ‘igh alert.
It so ‘ot, ah feel an urge to apologise to Muzzerr.
‘Muzzerr’ ah zay, ‘Muzzerr?’
‘You ‘ave not really got a stinky be’ind’.
‘Why do ah always get le blame?’ ah ask.
‘Muzzerr, le sheeps zay le end of la world iz ‘appening next week’.
‘They zaid it ‘appen next Tuesday at 2.30pmish –
you will not even ‘ave ‘ad your dinner’
‘Muzzerr?’ now ah know she iz not listening.
She would usually be in a big panic about missing ‘er nums
because of le end of la world.
Le next zing, she turn around to Uzzerr Muzzerr and tell ‘er ah taste like le back end of a magpie. “ow does she know what le back end of a magpie taste like?
Ah ‘ave not been near any magpie’s back end.
‘What time is Num Time?’ she ask.