Today Mah Aunty Roz came all le way from from Wellington to pay ‘er respects.
‘Allo allo’ ah say politely.

Then ah show ‘er mah clean teeths and give ‘er
a leetle french kees while ah am at eet.

Ah can not believe ‘ow forward zis woman ees.

‘owever, because Uzzer Muzzerr is wanting to take a
photo of la kiss ah agree to le photo opportunity and we try again.
Zis time ah am more wary.

Ah admire ‘er scarve. ‘Look Uzzerr Muzzerr’, ah say, ‘eet ees in mah colour’.

Ah try to remove eet but mah Aunt from Wellington appear not so keen.

‘Come on’ ah say, ‘such a scarf would look very much betteur on me’.

‘No, really’, ah insist, ‘it suit me more than eet suit you’..

Then ah ‘ave to give een. Uzzerr Muzzerr eez coming towards us and she does not look pleased.

‘You Hairy little Turkey’, she say, ‘Stop being a rude boy’. Ah try to insist ah am merely pointing out le truth but apparently, ah am een big trouble.

So ah turn on le water works. Ah sniff and ah sob and ah gasp and
suddenly ah am getting ‘ugged and kissed and told ‘ow ‘andsome and clever ah am.

Ah let ‘er continue to cuddle me and feel bad for me.
‘I’m sorry,’ ah sniff, ‘ah do not know what got in to me. Ah am a very bad leetle boy’.
Eet eez working. Ah feel a carrot coming on.

Then, quelle ‘orreur, ah spy Uzzerr Muzzerr listening to Moulamb Rouge!

And Muslamb tells ‘er not to listen to a word ah say because, she say,  ah am ‘aving ‘er on. Just as ah am getting very concerned, ah realise Uzzerr Muzzerr ‘as no idea what le sheeps are saying. She think they are talking about their wool styles.
eh eh eh.

La stormy weather is over and we ‘ave our jackets off.
Ah was ‘elping Muzzerr and Le Uncle ‘oover le paddock.
Ah am a very ‘elpful boy.

Suddenly Le ‘ouse God is letting us know we ‘ave a pile of visitors.
Muzzerr tell me ‘e a very Fat Cat.

Whenever mah Dad dresses in such a fashion impeded way ‘e at least ‘as carrots.
Ah begin to give zis man a thorough carrot inspection.

Suddenly mah Dad leans over and whispers to me.
‘There are no carrots on this man’ ‘e say. ‘Do not be a rude boy’.

And ‘e tickle m on le ‘ead like that will make up for le carrot shortage.

Le very fat ‘ouse God is glaring at le men ‘oo ‘ave no carrots also.
Clearly ‘e cannot believe there ees not even a carrot for ‘im.

Ah decide to inspect la uzzer person.
She eez a friend of Uzzerr Muzzerrs.

Ah ‘ave a friend also. ‘is name is Gollamb.
Gollamb ees a sheeps. ‘e like carrots too.

Ah am just informing Muzzerr’s friend, that we all like carrots when ah ‘ear Muzzerr.

‘ZEPHYR!!’ She shrieks in a voice so loud it make Muslamb’s (‘oo ees Gollambs big sister) ‘air stand on end.

Even Gollamb, ‘is ‘air stand on end too.
We all wonder eef she announcing le end of le world.

‘Have you cleaned your teeth?’ she yell.
Even Le ‘ouse God cannot believe she yell such a thing in front of visitors.
Lucky ‘e so fat or ‘e would ‘ave fallen off le fence post.

Of course ah ‘ave cleaned mah teeths. Ah show everyone mah clean teeths.

‘See?’ ah say, ‘they do not get cleaner than this’.

Gollamb ees well impressed.
‘Lord LubbaDuck’ ee say, addressing me for once, with le appropriate title.
‘Teeths do not get any cleaner than that’.
Being a sheeps, Gollambs ees not very original but ah forgive ‘im.

‘Thank you Gollamb’ ah say, ‘you ‘ave a good ‘airstyle’.
And then, when ah see Le ‘ouse god ‘ees looking at me, ah decide eet only polite to add – ‘and you, ‘ouse God, you a very fat cat’.

‘ow was ah supposed to know Le ‘ouse God ees sensitive about ‘is weight?’

Ah am busy looking for a ‘airy Leedle Tossa.
According to Le Uncle, there eez one een le paddock so ah will find eet.

Muzzerr, Le Uncle and ah ‘ad been discussing  le ‘airy leedle Tossa problem when in sneaks Uzzerr Muzzerr.
She think we don’t notice ‘er – PFFFFT….

Ah know she in le paddock before she do.

‘One thing I do know,’ Le Uncle was saying, ‘ees that there eez a bloody great Hairy Leedle Tossa lurken around een thees paddock’.

This ees alarming news. Ah am immediately alert.

Uzzerr Muzzerr come over…”What is my little man doing now,’ she say.
Ah tell ‘er ah am down on mah knees looking for ah ‘airy leedle Tossa….

She go down on ‘er knees beside me, Of course,
ah do not need ‘er elp, to find and conquer le Tossa.
Ah am a decorated War ‘orze.

‘Crikey’ zay Le Uncle, ‘I theenk shemidehave foundthe Tossa’.

Muzzerr eez rolling ‘er eyes and pretending she know what Le Uncle just said.

Uzzerr Muzzer gives me a big ‘ug and calls me ‘er ‘Cheeky Chops’.

Ah decide to ignore ‘er. Ah am not a Cheeky Chop.

‘As she gone yet?’ ah whisper to Le Uncle ‘oo eez watching ‘er.

Le Uncle and Muzzerr continue to look out for le ‘airy leedle Tossa.
By le sound of eet, ‘e could turn up any minute. We must be prepared.

Ah am thinking about deploying mah new motto.
Eet ees this…
‘Keep Calm and Play ‘ad it up to ‘ere’.

Suddenly Le Uncle eez alert.
‘What ees eet’ ah whisper, ‘ees eet Le Tossa?’

But Le Uncle ‘as gone all Australian on me.
‘Strewth’ ‘e say, ‘When is hegonna reeliseheis tha hairyleedle tossa?’
Ah a’ve no idea what ‘e eez talking about. Ah do not understand Australian.