I ‘ave le feeling Uzzeur Muzzeur is starting ‘er preparations for our entrance onto le Prix St-Georges Dressage circuit.
Ah decide ah will surprise ‘er and get some practice in with le ‘elp of L’Uncle.

L’Uncle ‘as watched a few dressage tests, ‘e tell me what to do.
‘at Oi, Enter in collected canter’ e say.
Ah can do this…
When ‘e yell OI again ah gallop in.

‘At Boi Halt – immobility,’ ‘e say.
Ah throw mahself on le ground and ah give ‘im immobility at Boi.

‘Proceed at collected trot’ ‘e yell
‘Lark this?’ ah say, waving mah legs around in la collection.

‘e do not seem to ‘ear me so ah go on.
‘Collected trot ecstasy’ ‘e say.
Eet feel good to me so ah continue in full collection.

‘Shoulder in left’ ‘e shout.
Ah ‘eave mahself up and give Muzzeur le shoulder in.
Of course, ah keep mah nose out. Ah am not stupeed.

‘Volte left’.
‘e did not need to tell me to this. Muzzeur is coming at me and she is not ‘appy.

‘Half pass left’ yell L’Uncle
Ah take le ‘alf pass very seriously.

‘Extended trot HXF’
Ah  give ‘im mah extended trot.
Muzzeur keep getting in le way.

‘Half pirouette to the left’ ‘e yell.
‘Ah ‘ave been waiting to demonstrate this one.
Ah give mahself 12 out of 10.

‘Extended trot to the roight’
Ah take a good look at le excavateur while ah am at eet.

‘Flying change of legs at M’.
Uzzeur Muzzeur will be most impressed
the day she finally ride me in le test and find ah actually know it all already.
Ah do le most expressive flying change.

‘Now,’ yell L’Uncle, give me foive flying changes of every leg’.
Ah start the first one, but it is such ‘ard work…

Ah throw mahself on le ground to complete le flying changes in le ‘upside down position.
‘One, two, three’ ah am panting, this is hard work you know and ah am not too fit.

‘four, five’ ah gasp.

‘Down the center line at Oi in collected trot’
Ah can do this.

‘Now halt, immobility and salute’ ‘e say.
Ah look for le good place to ‘alt and salute.

Ah finally find le right spot right be’ind L’Uncle.
Ah give le flying salute accompanied by a resounding fart before galloping away.

Clearly ah am going to be le brilliant dressage ‘orze.

Eet is 2015, and Muzzeur ‘as taken up le World travel in le new transport machine and ah ‘ave taken up le Morris Dancing.

L’Uncle and ah took up le Morris dancing while she was away and ah ‘ert mah knee, right ‘ere.

‘ere.

Or was eet ‘ere?

Morris Dancing ees very dangerous and not for le faint ‘earted.

Ah am ‘ooked on Morris Dancing.

‘Ah ‘ave to go out now’, say Muzzeur, oping we will panic and beg ‘er to stay.
Of course, L’Uncle and mahself pretend that we do not want ‘er to go.

‘Oh no, ‘ow will we eveur cope?’ ah yell at L’Uncle so Muzzeur can ‘ear me.

Muzzeur lark to think we need ‘er.
Of course, we do not, we ‘ave le Morris Dancing Championships to practise for and we do not need ‘er around grumping all oveur le place at us.

Ah trot alongside le transport machine as it go down le drive.
‘Muzzeeeeuuuuurrrrrrr’ ah yell, ‘Come back ah can not live without you’.
Of course ah would be le grumpy one if she did come straight back.

Once they ‘ave gone out of sight ah gallop back to L’Uncle.

‘She ‘as gone!’ ah yell.

L’Uncle, ‘e is bouncing up and down with excitement.

Now we can practice our dance moves.

No disapproving gaze of Muzzeur to contend with…

L’Uncle teach me all ‘is dance moves. ‘e is an expert danceur from way back.
‘e is also about la million years old.

We do not ‘ave to worry about being in le big trouble when Muzzeur is not there.

We are Lords of Le Morris Dance.

Of course when Muzzeur finally did get back, ah ‘ad le bit of explaining to do about le cuts  on mah face and le bruised knee.
‘ah ‘ad to jump out of le paddock and rescue l’orse up le road from l’incident with le ‘elicopter’ ah explain.

Ah think she believe me. Eh eh eh.