Every day ah take le larf in le ‘ooves being le ‘elpful little boy.
This is me being le ‘elpful.
‘L’Uncle’ ah say, ‘ah see your bowl needs ler clean and ah am ‘ere to do it’.
Ah give ‘im le winning smile.
‘Pissorrf yer hairy leedle Tosser’ ‘e say.
Of course ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e mean. Ah do not understand Australian.
So ah wait besard ‘im politely.
Ah do ‘ave to bart le tongue oveur ‘is pronunciation of le Tosseurr.
‘oweveur, now is not le tarm for la grammeur.
But ah am anxious to ‘ave a look insard ‘is bowl so ah desard le stealth approach is le way to go.
Ah tippy toe around ‘im.
‘e do not see me coming. Ah am le Stealth Bummeurr.
Slowly ah move in. Ah am so stealthy ‘e ‘as no idea ah am there.
Carefully mah lips gravitate toward le bowl ready to grab it and run.
‘e look up as if ‘e sense something, but ‘e do not, ah am too cleveur for any Australian.
Ah close mah eye so ‘e can not see me anymore.
‘e does not look ‘appy so ah slowly back off.
Ah keep le eye closed so ‘e still ‘ave no idea ah am there.
Suddenly, at le speed of lart ah swoop in and grab ‘old of le bowl.
It all ‘appen so fast L’Uncle is not sure what ‘appen.
‘e still try to work it out as ah pull le bowl toward me.
Ah ‘ave it now and ah will polish it up for ‘im.
‘e is still trying to work out what ‘appen to ‘is bowl. It ‘as disappeared from undeur ‘is nose!
Unfortunately, some’ow ‘e work it out and suddenly, through no fault of mine, ah am to blame.
‘ere,’ ah cry, ‘ah find your bowl, ah was only trying to give it back to you –
but if you would ratheur, ah will polish it for you’.
‘e do not want it now, so ah polish it for ‘im.
‘e can only stand by and admire le ‘andywork.
‘Ya big hairy gourmo’ ‘e say.
Translated into le french this mean
‘You are an amazingly ‘andsome and cleveur young gourmet with a palette for fine food ‘.
‘That big Gallah needs a great big kickupthebum’ say L’Uncle to Uzzeurr Muzzeurr.
Translated into french this mean…
suddenly ah notice Muzzeurr in le background.
‘L’Uncle’ ah whisper, ‘we ‘ave le situation, do not turn around now but ah think Muzzeurr ‘as been back into le cloveur’.