Every day ah take le larf in le ‘ooves being le ‘elpful little boy.
This is me being le ‘elpful.

‘L’Uncle’ ah say, ‘ah see your bowl needs ler clean and ah am ‘ere to do it’.
Ah give ‘im  le winning smile.

‘Pissorrf yer hairy leedle Tosser’ ‘e say.
Of course ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e mean. Ah do not understand Australian.
So ah wait besard ‘im politely.
Ah do ‘ave to bart le tongue oveur ‘is pronunciation of le Tosseurr.
‘oweveur, now is not le tarm for la grammeur.

But ah am anxious to ‘ave a look insard ‘is bowl so ah desard le stealth approach is le way to go.
Ah tippy toe around ‘im.

‘e do not see me coming. Ah am le Stealth Bummeurr.

Slowly ah move in. Ah am so stealthy ‘e ‘as no idea ah am there.

Carefully mah lips gravitate toward le bowl ready to grab it and run.

‘e look up as if ‘e sense something, but ‘e do not, ah am too cleveur for any Australian.
Ah close mah eye so ‘e can not see me anymore.

‘e does not look ‘appy so ah slowly back off.
Ah keep le eye closed so ‘e still ‘ave no idea ah am there.

Suddenly, at le speed of lart ah swoop in and grab ‘old of le bowl.

It all ‘appen so fast L’Uncle is not sure what ‘appen.
‘e still try to work it out as ah pull le bowl toward me.

Ah ‘ave it now and ah will polish it up for ‘im.
‘e is still trying to work out what ‘appen to ‘is bowl. It ‘as disappeared from undeur ‘is nose!


Unfortunately, some’ow ‘e work it out and suddenly, through no fault of mine,  ah am to blame.
‘ere,’ ah cry, ‘ah find your bowl, ah was only trying to give it back to you –
but if you would ratheur, ah will polish it for you’.

‘e do not want it now, so ah polish it for ‘im.

‘e can only stand by and admire le ‘andywork.
‘Ya big hairy gourmo’ ‘e say.
Translated into le french this mean
‘You are an amazingly ‘andsome and cleveur young gourmet with a palette for fine food ‘.

‘That big Gallah needs a great big kickupthebum’ say L’Uncle to Uzzeurr Muzzeurr.
Translated into french this mean…
suddenly ah notice Muzzeurr in le background.

‘L’Uncle’ ah whisper, ‘we ‘ave le situation, do not turn around now but ah think Muzzeurr ‘as been back into le cloveur’.

L’Uncle ‘as promised to teach me le ‘okey Pokey.
‘Croiky’ ‘e say when ah remind ‘im, ‘Oi don’t know about that moi Son’.

Ah will not tark no for le answeur; ah follow ‘im around all day
‘But L’Uncle, you promise me, L’Uncle, you said…L’Uncle, L’Uncle’

Finally, afteur le bit of ler tussle, ‘e give in.
Ah knew ‘e would.

‘Roighto,’ ‘e sigh, ‘now raise your left leg loik so’.

Ah do. Of course ah am very good at le dancing.
Even L’Uncle admit it.

‘Now raise your roight leg and shake eet all about’ ‘e say.
Ah raise le rart lamb and shake it all about.

Suddenly there is le rush of l’action as L’Uncle yell ‘Come together now son and shake it all about again’.

The ‘e stop and ‘e start singing which is le very disturbing thing.
‘Put yer left leg in, put yer left leg out’ ‘e sing as ‘e puts ‘is lamb in and then out’.

‘Do the Hokey Pokey and shake it all about’, ‘e shout as we clash together again.
Ah ‘ave to admit ah lark this part.

‘Put yer roight leg in, put yer roight leg out’. Ah am getting pretty good at this.

‘Do le ‘okey Pokey and turn yourself around because that’s what IT’S ALL ABOUT”, we are both bellowing le words out.

Then we really ‘ave our groove on, we both bounce up and down in tarm to le singing which is mostly in mah ‘ead.
Ah ‘ave not ‘ad this much fun since le last battle of le fence.
We are Le ‘Okey Pokey Champions of le World.

Mah lamb is almost betteur.

This is just as well, as today ah ‘av la dance lesson with le renowned dance instructeur ‘oof ‘efner.

‘oof ‘efner is actually L’Uncle. This is ‘is stage name.

First ‘e ‘as le chat to Uzzeurr Muzzeurr;
‘are you quoite sure the boy is ready for thees?’ ‘e say.
Of course ah am.

‘Eet’s just that oi don’t want to end up with him hopping round loike a one legged kookaburra on steroids again’.
This is getting boring, ‘urry up L’Uncle ah think, ah ‘ave not got all day.

Ah floss mah teef of ‘is berm while ah wait.
On and on ‘e go in Asutralian which no one understand.
Ah ‘ave no idea why Uzzeurr Muzzeurr even botheur to listen to ‘im.

Then, ah desard, to see if ah can climb oveur ‘im.
‘e is so busy talking Australian ah do not think ‘e will even notice.

‘e does.
Buggeurr.

‘Son,’ ‘e say, ‘oi ‘ave ‘ad it up to here with you’.
‘Where?’ ah yell back at ‘im, ‘where exactly ‘ave you ‘ad it up to?’

‘This is not a game yer beeg hairy Tosser,’ ‘e reply, ‘oi mean it’.

‘Well L’Uncle, that is quite interesting because ah ‘ave ‘ad it up to ‘ere with you’.

‘Besards which, it is TOSSEURR, ah am ler Tosseurr from le long line of ‘airy French Tosseurrs’.

‘A long line of French Tossers you say?’

Suddenly, ‘e stop and look at Muzzeurr ‘oo is watching us with her disapproving look.
Ah try to ‘ide be’ind ‘im.

‘Persil, you know perfectly well that Zephyr is NOT french,’ she mutteur.

eh eh eh, once again L’Uncle is in big trouble and ah am not.