This morning, as ah sat contemplating Quantum Psychics
and le meaning of larf.
Uzzerr Muzzerr waddle over and tell me something
exciting ees about to ‘appen.
Naturally, mah first thought ees of carrots.
‘as another box of carrots been sent to me?
‘You may bring le carrots to me’ ah say ‘opefully.
All of a sudden, ‘oo should enter le field but Muzzerr!
Le Uncle look worried now. ‘Shoite,’ ‘e whisper, ‘Your Mother is here’.
Ah go over to check. ah would recognise ‘er big bottom amywhere.
Eet ees ‘er! ‘Eet ees Muzzerr!’ ah yell.
Ah rest mah ‘ead on ‘er big comfy bottom.
Muzzerr does not seem pleased to see me.
So ah suggest we find Le Uncle ‘oo ees ‘iding from ‘er.
Le Uncle rushes out of le forest and give ‘er a beeg fright.
Ah know what ‘e ees doing. Les Girls are next door ‘e does not want Muzzerr to know about that .
Muzzerr just wants to stick with me, ‘er only son. ‘oo can blame ‘er.
We are all galloping around, of course ah am le fastest ‘orze in le field.
Ah am still le most ‘andsome ‘orze in le field also.
Uzzerr Muzzerr say ah am outstanding in mah field.
Thees ees because ah am.
Unless ah am sitting.
Later, when Le Uncle goes to visit ‘is girlfriend, ah ‘ave a chance to be alone with Muzzerr.
‘Muzzerr‘, ah say, ‘Muzzerr‘.
She ees too busy watching Le Uncle.
She watch ‘im lark a ‘awk, but ah am bored.
‘MUZZERR‘ ah ell, ‘MUZZERR!!!’
Finally she answer me. ‘Yes Son,’ she say, ‘what is it?’
Ah ‘ave forgotten what ah was going to ask ‘er so ah
‘ave to make something up een a ‘urry.
‘Muzzerr, why don’t all le clouds fall down from le sky?’
Ah don’t really want to know about such stuff but Muzzerr
will pay attention to me eef she think ah am interested in what she ‘as to say.
‘Son,’ she say, ‘for the same reason your Uncle
likes those trollops next door – no one knows’.
This ees news to me, ah thought everyone know why Le Uncle love Les Girls.
‘Ah know’, ah say, ‘Ah know why Le Uncle love Les Girls next door’.
‘Shut up,’ say Muzzerr but ah do not.
‘Eet ees because they are BLONDE,’ ah crow.
‘Beige,’ sigh Muzzerr, ‘they are BEIGE’.
‘Huh? Huh? Muzzerr?’
Muzzerr ees back and suddenly,
just lark Le Uncle said would ‘appen, we are all een le beeg trouble.