In trouble again.

Today I waz in le middle of a deep sleep when ah ‘ear mah Muzzerr grumbling at moi from ‘alf way across le paddock.
Ah ‘ate it when she does zat, eet is embarrassing.
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Ah realise ah better go and zee what ah ‘ave done wrong now.IMG_7545

Ah could not zink of anyzing zo bad ah had done in le last ‘alf ‘our.IMG_7546

Le Uncle came over to warn me about la Muzzerr’s mood.IMG_7657

‘Son’ ‘e zay, ‘I would not want to be in your hooves’.
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‘You are in deep doo doos’ ‘e zay.
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‘ah ‘ave done nothing’ ah zay, ‘she must ‘ave mistaken me for some uzzer little boy’.
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But ah put mah apology face on and go and talk to mah Muzzerr.
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‘Ah did not really zink you missed anyzing when you ‘oover’ah zay..
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‘And when ah tell you  your bottom iz zis wide ah did not mean to compare it wiz Le Uncle’s girlfriends next door’.
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But ah can tell she iz not believing me.
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‘Muzzerr’ ah zay, ‘Muzzerr, wait…’
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‘It waz not me ‘oo bit your bottom, zat waz zum uzzerr naughty boy –
Ah would never do such a zing’.
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‘And ah waz only trying to ‘elp you go faster when ah pushed you from be’ind’.
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‘And when ah make faces at Le Uncle ah waz joking.
Your Bottom does not really smell zat bad…Muzzerr?’
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But Muzzerr is pretty mad wiz me and she is not talking to le uncle again either.
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‘Halp me explain, Uncle Persil’, ah zay, ‘Muzzerr iz not listening’.
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‘You’re on your own there mate,’ ‘e zay ‘if you want to behave like a great Galah with tickets on yourself, that’s up to you, don’t bring me into it’.
‘E iz speaking Australian again and ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e iz on about.
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‘Muzzerr,’ah zay, ‘Muzzerr zere iz anuzzer little boy ‘oo look just like me –
only not quite az ‘andsome’.
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‘‘e run around like zis and do stupeed stuff’.
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‘For cherists sake’ zay le Uncle, ‘remember what ah told you about stroppy mares’
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And suddenly ah do remember, ah rush after Muzzerr to apply zis knowledge.
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‘Muzzerr, Muzzerr, you stroppy mare, ah love you’ ah yell.
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‘Muzzerr, you are la most beautiful ‘orze in le ‘ole wide world’ ah zay when ah ‘ear le Uncle shouting at me not to mention anyzing about stroppy mares.
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Ah am stretching the limit of mah sincerity ‘ere but it zeem to be working.
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She slows down and ah tell ‘er zat she smell like a big bag of chaff.
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Zat stopped ‘er. Zuddenly she all over me like a bucket of warm mollases.
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And when she finally goes off to do more le ‘oovering,
well ah don’t know what got into me, ah just can’t ‘elp mahself…
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Boring as a dead bird.

Mah Muzzerr is no fun. She iz az boring az a dead bird and ah know ‘ow boring zey are
because ah watch one for ‘alf an hour and ‘e do nothing le ‘ole time ah watch.
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‘Wake up Muzzerr’ah yell and ah shake ‘er ‘elpfully.
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‘Muzzerr’, ah zay, ‘you are az boring az a dead bird’..
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‘Muzzerr, ah ‘ave ‘ad it up to ‘ere’ ah zay.
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Muzzerr tell me not to be a naughty little boy.
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Or waz it ‘ere?
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‘no ah am not’ ah zay, ‘ah am a good boy, ‘oo is also a brave and clever boy, mah Uzzer Muzzer zay zo’.
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Ah notice Le Uncle staring at me. ‘e is rolling ‘is eyes. ‘e must ‘ave somezing in zem.
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Ah check out Muzzerr’s chassis in case there iz a meteor under there.
There is not but you can never be too sure. Ah grab a quick drink while ah am zere.
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Zen, a wonderful zing ‘appen.
Mah Uzzerr Muzzerr arrive and she zee ‘ow boring mah Muzzerr iz zo she put a ‘alter on mah Muzzerr.
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Now mah Muzzerr ‘as to go everywhere wiz me.
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‘Ow do Tug Boats make it look zo easy?
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Calling for Help

Ah ‘ave discovered somezing all by myself.
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Not even le Uncle ‘elped me wiz zis one.
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‘e is busy ignoring me.
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Anyway, ah discovered zat if ah squeal, le Uzzerr muzzerr come rushing out of le big stable she live in.
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Zen ah get lots of cuddles and she tells me ‘ow brave and ‘andsome ah am.
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Of course, ah already know zis, but ah like to be reminded anyhow.
Ah tried it several times today and it worked every time.
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Even le old pooch Partly Bluett and ‘is friend La cat Possovitz MacFearsome were impressed.
Zey came out to watch.
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Possovitz came over to congratulate me.
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But zen she appear to forget what it waz she waz doing.
Cats ‘ave got very small brains.
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‘Le Uncle’ ah call, ‘watch zis’, ah yell,  and ah squeal loudly.
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Of course La Uzzerr Muzzerr comes rushing out like a ‘Bat wiz ‘iz bum on fire’ – according to le Uncle.
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‘Crikey’ zay Le Uncle, ‘You beaut’
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Zo naturally, we wait till Uzzerr Muzzerr go back inside and zen le Uncle try it.
And when she rushes out again, ‘e act like ‘e is surprised to zee ‘er.
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Zo ah act like ah never zeen ‘er in mah life before.
She stop rushing out after zat.
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