Le Uncle is in trouble wiz Muzzerr again.

‘E told ‘er ‘e ‘ad ‘eard – from an unnamed sauce – zat she waz putting on a bit of weight. ‘My sauce leaks information like a holy bucket’ said Le Uncle.

Of course ah ‘ave never ‘eard of a ‘oly Bucket,
Le Uncle only mention ‘oly craps and zere zeem to be a lot of zem about.

But ah am learning zat Muzzerrs do not like unnamed leaky sauces out of ‘oly Buckets.

And some’ow Muzzerr iz blaming me again.

‘oo would ‘ave ah ‘oly Bucket? ah zay to mahzelf.

Ah decide ah am going in search of le ‘oly Bucket.

All ah ‘ave to do iz to follow le trail of le Leaky Sauce.
Le Uncle ‘elps me search.

Ah examine le ground for signs of le Unnamed leaking Sauce and le ‘oly Bucket.

Ah look ‘ard. Ah am also keeping an eye out for a ‘oly crap.

Zere must be a trail ‘ere somewhere.

Zen ah get zum information.
‘Mate’ shouts le Uncle,
“I understand the Dalai Lama is coming here next week, He’s pretty Holy”

A Daily Llama coming ‘ere ‘uh.

A Llama a day zeem a bit excessive.

Le only Llamas ah know live next door and let me tell you zis…

Le Uncle does zay somezing about ‘oly Craps everytime ‘e zee zem.

And they all belong to le Ministry of Silly walks – zey run around like zis…

Zuddenly ah am distracted from mah search for Le ‘oly Bucket.
Zumzing iz sitting in le paddock. Iz it ah ‘oly Crap?

“Uncle” ah yell, “ah zink ah may ‘ave found ah ‘oly Crap”.

Muzzerr investigates and ah bravely ‘ave ‘er back.
Iz it a leaky ‘oly bucket or iz it a ‘oly crap? ah ask.

‘It is a hay bag’, sighs Muzzerr joyously, ‘and it is leaking hay everywhere’.

‘Le Uncle’ ah call, ‘Muzzerr ‘az found le leaky sauce’.

Ah do not know why Le Uncle ran off and ‘id in le trees,
but it did confirm mah finding when he yelled out ‘HOLY CRAP’ az ‘e galloped off.

Ah do not know ‘ow it happened

And I blame le pooches – certainly zey all look guilty enough.

Suddenly le sheeps are running around ‘aving panic attacks about being bitten by a shark.

‘I saw one once’ said Muslamb, ‘it was right up there in the tree, staring down at me’

Of course this has Moulamb Rouge in a total flap.
She is one very nervous sheeps anyway.

Even old Monsieur Bluett is on le look-out.

I may, or may not ‘ave ‘ad somezing to do with it.

My friend Gollamb is a little , shall we say, impressionable.
I press and ‘e is able.

Ah may ‘ave started le rumour about mah wounded knee being le product of a rogue shark bite.

So Gollamb told ‘is sister, Muslamb.

And she couldn’t wait to tell Madame Rouge, ‘oo immediately…

Warned ‘er daughter Myrtle. Now zey are all on ‘igh alert.

Except Gollamb – he thinks it is all a big joke.
He does not really believe I was attacked by a shark.

Now even le pooches are teasing each other about shark bites.
This is Madame Magoo chasing ‘er son Monsieur Magoo while imitating a shark about to bite.

It is a pretty poor imitation if you ask me.
Ah demonstrate a shark bite on le tree branch and
all le sheeps zey  rightly crap zemselves.
Such is mah power.

Le Uncle told me  to ‘stop taking le piss’
Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e is on about, ah was not ‘pissing’ anywhere.

Ah practice biting like a shark on Muzzerr.

Ah am being the little known ‘airy tree shark.
Muzzerr is not impressed.

‘Muzzerr’, ah zay, ‘Muzzerr, ah can be a Large Nosey Kissy Shark’.

Ah sneak up on ‘er
 

Such is mah skill, she is kissed before she even knows what struck ‘er.

Ah do not know why ah am in trouble again.

Ah can tell Le Uncle all mah problems and ‘e listens.
‘E often give me advice too.
Of course ah pay no attention to zat.

‘Listen Son,’ ‘e zay, ‘You’ve been a feather short of a cockatoo lately’.
‘E is speaking Australian again and ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e iz on about zo ah just pretend ah am interested.

Then ah am staring into ‘iz eye, trying to freak ’im out.

‘Geez’ he zay, ‘Don’t do that you little Dag –
you could scare the B’Jesus out of someone doing that’.

I try it later on Le ‘Ouse God, ‘e does not zeem to notice me.

‘E look a bit like me but not as ‘andsome.
Staring at ‘im does not work though as ‘e never ‘as ‘is eyes open.

‘Le Uncle’ ah zay, ‘Can ah a’ve a look at your teeths’
Ah am quite interested in teeths and ‘e ‘as lots of them.

Then ah try to get ‘im to play ‘Ad it up to Ere but ‘e is not in le mood.

Myrtle looks like she would like to play but she can only reach mah knee caps.

“Ow is mah knee?’ah ‘ear you ask.
“Zank you for enquiring, it iz still attached.

Ah know ah am a brave ‘ero, and az zuch, ah must be ‘umble
To show mah ‘umbleness, ah scratch mah bum, just like a normal ‘orze.

Le Uncle accompanies Uzzer Muzzerr back to the gate.
‘e always does this.
Ah ‘ave better things to do with mah time.