Ah can tell Le Uncle all mah problems and ‘e listens.
‘E often give me advice too.
Of course ah pay no attention to zat.

‘Listen Son,’ ‘e zay, ‘You’ve been a feather short of a cockatoo lately’.
‘E is speaking Australian again and ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e iz on about zo ah just pretend ah am interested.

Then ah am staring into ‘iz eye, trying to freak ’im out.

‘Geez’ he zay, ‘Don’t do that you little Dag –
you could scare the B’Jesus out of someone doing that’.

I try it later on Le ‘Ouse God, ‘e does not zeem to notice me.

‘E look a bit like me but not as ‘andsome.
Staring at ‘im does not work though as ‘e never ‘as ‘is eyes open.

‘Le Uncle’ ah zay, ‘Can ah a’ve a look at your teeths’
Ah am quite interested in teeths and ‘e ‘as lots of them.

Then ah try to get ‘im to play ‘Ad it up to Ere but ‘e is not in le mood.

Myrtle looks like she would like to play but she can only reach mah knee caps.

“Ow is mah knee?’ah ‘ear you ask.
“Zank you for enquiring, it iz still attached.

Ah know ah am a brave ‘ero, and az zuch, ah must be ‘umble
To show mah ‘umbleness, ah scratch mah bum, just like a normal ‘orze.

Le Uncle accompanies Uzzer Muzzerr back to the gate.
‘e always does this.
Ah ‘ave better things to do with mah time.