Ah am a Champion ‘orze. A decorated War ‘ero.
Ah am decorated wiz awards for mah bravery
and mah dedication in the farce of all odds.

Zo ah tell Gollamb when we got home
And Gollamb iz terribly impressed.

For a start ah won an award for Le Battle of Wounded Knee –
Bravery under Wire.

Gollamb and Myrtle can not believe their ears – they now know a decorated War ‘ero.

Mah Uzzerr Muzzerr and ah paraded togezzer.
Unfortunately mah Muzzerr insisted on following us.

Muzzerr iz zo embarrassing ah ‘ad to pretend she waz not there.
“‘Oo iz zat rude ‘orze be’ind me all le time,” ah zay.

Well you were, Muzzerr, screaming at me “’ad ah cleaned mah teeths?”
in le middle of la parade.

‘ow many decorated War ‘eros ‘ave their Muzzerrs asking awkward questions
in front of everyone like zat?

Even Gollamb was Gobsmacked when ah told ‘im about zat.

‘is Muzzerr iz embarrassing enough but even she would not do zat.

Next ah won le Ribbon for Distinguished Flying ‘orse –
ah flew across le parade grounds faster zan a speeding pullet and more distinguished zan Lambo Gini.

What are you look at me like zat for Muslamb? Ah AM telling le truths.

Anyway, to continue, ah won le Ribbon for Conspicuous Gollambtree
in allowing Uzzerr Muzzer to accompany me.

Yes Gollamb, CONSPICUOUS GOLLAMBTREE.
Gollamb iz very impressed to hear zat. Ah can tell.

And finally ah won Le Order of Le Bath for enduring one yesterday.

Islamb, Muslamb and even Gollamb’s Aunty GoodSheep did a double take at zat.

‘Come on then son’, zaid Bedlamb, ‘Show us your Awards then’.
‘e did not believe me.

‘e gets zis look in ‘is eye when ‘e does not believe zumzing ah zay.

Zo ah put zem all on and wander about and zat shut ‘im up.
‘‘ere,’ ah zay, ‘oo iz le War ‘ero now?’

Zen muzzerr she ‘ave to put ‘er big nose in.
‘For goodness sake, tell the truth, Zephyr’ she zay.

‘Come on Son,the truth now’ zay Le Uncle,
‘Let’s have it – Your Mother surely did not embarrass herself like that – did she?’.

‘But ah am telling le truths’ ah zay, ‘and ah ‘ad cleaned mah teeths’ ah am still showing off mah awards.

Zen ah put mah ‘ead down and ‘elp Muzzerr wiz la
‘oovering in case she ‘ave anyzing else to zay, but ‘er gob iz filled wiz ‘ay.

Just between you and me, ah ‘ave no idea what all mah awards are for.