Today was bit boring for a Lord like me so ah went to ‘ave a chat about eet wiz Le Uncle.

‘Le Uncle’, ah zay, ‘ah am a bit bored today’.

‘What shall we do?’

Le Uncle zinks for a bit. Ah give ‘im a nudge to ‘elp wiz ‘iz zinking.

‘Le Uncle,’ ah zay, ‘what iz this knob ‘ere?’

Of course ah know what le knob iz, eet where le brain look out.

‘LE UNCLE!’ ah yell, because ‘e ‘as gone to sleep.

‘Fair suck of the sav’ say Le Uncle, ‘You are being a total tossa’.

Ah ‘ave to zink a bit to translate zat.
Ah zink what ‘e mean iz, zat Fearzuck Ovlasav is a tidal tossa.
‘Oo iz Fearzuck Ovlasav and ‘oo tossed ‘im in le sea?’

Mah lips are sealed, ah do not want to confess ah know no such Tidal Tossa.

Zuddenly, Le Uncle ‘az a brilliant idea.

‘Son’, ‘e zay, ‘I’ve got a brilliant idea’.

Ah am all ears though quite frankly ‘e don’t look zat brilliant.

‘You’ve got thees poofta show coming up in a few days’, he said.

‘Ah ‘ave, yes; ah ‘ave no idea what a ‘Poofta’ Show iz but ah know ah ‘ave to go’.

‘Well,’ ‘e zay, ‘you would look a lot more ‘showy as it were,
if ya plastered a bit of colour on ya’.

‘Your Other Mother would be thrilled to bits to find you’d
changed into a pinto overnight, son’.

Ah thought about zis and zen decided it a very good idea.

Ah stood around inconspicuously waiting for Uzzerr Muzzer to come in and be overjoyed to find a new ‘orze waiting for ‘er.
‘e ‘e ‘eeee’ ah sniggered.

When she finally come into la paddock, she ‘ave a ‘eart attack.
She stomp up and down and roll ‘er eyes and foam at le mouth.
Ah may ‘ave exaggerated about le eyes rolling.

Ah ask Madame Possovitz what le problem iz, but zis cat zink she iz Ghengis Khan.
(We know all about Ghengis Khan because Uzzer Muzzerr iz reading abook all about ‘im)

She just zit and stare at me and ah ‘ave no idea what she iz zinking.

Or if she zinks at all. Ah suspect not.

Quite frankly zat cat look le same when she laugh az she does when she mad.

Here she iz laughing uproariously at zumzing…

And now she about to rip mah ‘ead off.

Anyway, apparently ah ‘ave zum explaining to do.
Ah check under Muzzerr’s tum for an exploding device le Uncle zay she keep there for situations just like zis one.

All ah zee iz Monsieur Mooster glaring at me.
‘It’s shampoo time for you Matey Boy’ he said.

Le Uncle zee Uzzerr Muzzerr coming back wiz a big bottle of ‘oly Crap.
‘OLY CRAP ‘e yell and ‘e dizappear az ‘e always does when zere iz any sign of le ‘oly crap, and ah am left to be shampooed in it.