It has been 4 months since ah was rudely ejected from mah Muzzerr’s womb.

Having ejected me in such an abrubt fashion,
ah find it somewhat spooky zat she now insist on following me everywhere.

Mah Uzzerr Muzzerr come over to take some photographs
of me for some magazine or uzzerr.

Such is  mah fame.

Le Uncle watched as le paparazzi flap about
but ah remain where ah am.

Such is le adoration people ‘ave for me, zey cue up to collect mah toenail clippings.
One such fan arrive today.

Ah cannot be bothered to get up.

Le Uncle was a bit concerned. ‘Crikey’ he zay, ‘they could remove your whole hoof’.

“Come on Son,’ he zay, ‘You need to get up’.
But ah am warm and comfortable,
‘Peel me a grape’ ah zay sleepily, although ah ‘ave no idea what a grape iz.

‘What have you done to him?” zay Le Uncle to mah adoring fan.
‘Nothing’, she said, ‘he won’t get up’.

Why should ah? Ah do not need to get up.

Finally ah am made to get up. Uzzerr Muzzerr zay ah ‘ave to
and there iz no argueing wiz ‘er.
Ah ‘ave tried..

Ah cannot see le point but ah do az ah am told.
Ah also manage to almost unbuckle le belt on le adoring fan’s trouseurs.

Zen le fan holds up mah back foot for me. It iz nice of ‘er to take le weight off for me.
Uzzerr Muzzerr wants to get a photo of zis but iz worried
zat there iz no one to ‘old on to me…pfffft.

‘Ah will ‘old onto mahzelf’ ah zay ‘elpfully.

People can be zo stupeed zumtimes.