Quelle ‘orreour! today la sun go on ‘oliday and somebody turn on a big sprinkler system.

At first, ah am not impressed and try to stay under la trees.
Ah do not want to be sprinkled and besides ah ‘ave to listen to mah Muzzerr grumping on a bout Le Uncle. On and on she go.

It is getting boring so ah decide to visit Le Uncle ‘oo is under la trees being not boring
but mah Muzzerr follow me.

So zen ah make a break for it.

Uncle, ah yell, Uncle, ah am coming to play wiz you.

But mah Muzzerr, she a very embarressing ‘orze at le best of timez,
she march me out of zere again.

Zen she bring me over to my ozzer Muzzerr ‘oo is standing around as usual doing nozzing much at all.

Here, she say, please do something with this young man, he is being a pain in the bum.
Ah cannot believe mah earz, ah am NOT a pain in Le Bum.

But ah am made to spend time with mah ozzer Muzzerr which is anus ‘orribilus
(Uncle Persil taught me zat one)
All my Uzzer Muzzer want to do is kizz me and ah am far too old for zat zort of carry on now.

After suffering through about 150 kizzes and cuddles which iz very embarrassing andcould damage my personality forever (Zo zay Le Uncle)
Ah zink ah deserve a drink.