It appear Uzzerr Muzzerr  – she ees not too ‘appy with me.

Ah‘ practice my new ‘airdressing skills on Le Uncle.

Personally ah think eet look avant-garde

Muzzerr took one look and burst out laughing.
She ‘as no understanding of art.

‘Mwha haaa haaaa’ she went,
‘Oh Lordy you just wait until Uzzerr Muzzerr gets down here and see’s that’.

And she snigger away to ‘erself for le rest of le morning.

Le Uncle quite like ‘is new look. Ah ‘ad also trimmed ‘is fringe.

‘Well Tie me Kangaroo down Sport’ ‘e say,
after ‘e ‘ad a good look at ‘imself in le trough.

‘You like eet Le Uncle?’

‘Moite, oi look about ten years younger,
but Uzzerr Muzzerr ees going to be as mad as a snake een a sock’.

Apparently that ees not a good thing.

Then we ‘eard Uzzerr Muzzerr pull up een ‘er car.

‘Zephyr’ yell Le Uncle, ‘Oi would go and hide eef oi was you Sport’.

Ah carefully watch Uzzerr Muzzerr as she notice Le Uncle’s new ‘aircut.

‘ZEPHYR!’ she yell, and ah realise now ees
le time to pretend to be some other ‘orze.

‘Ah do not know where le ‘orze called Zephyr ees’ ah explain,
‘’e was ‘ere a while ago and then pooft – ‘e just dissappear’.

But Uzzerr Muzzerr – she ees on to me and ah am een big trouble.
Obviously she too, ‘as no appreciation of le arts.

My career as a Gastronomic Advisor – eet is over before eet began.

Despite ‘aving le compulsory French accent,
it appear no one want me to appreciate their noms before they do.|

Not even Muzzerr.

Ah grab ‘er as she walk past. She can tell you.

Go on Muzzerr, you tell everyone ‘ow you would not allow me, your only son,
to advance ‘is career in Nom Appreciation.

Eet eez no good trying to get out of thees Muzzerr

And so, ah now ah ‘ave to start another career.

Ah ‘ad to think very ‘ard about what sort of career would suit me.
And then it struck me…

Le ‘airdressing!

All you a’ve to do is to fluff zis and twirl zat.

Ah apply mah special Solution of Lord LubbaDuck Slobbeur to keep la style in place.
And exclaim regularly een French…. ‘OOOH LA LAAA’ ah exclaim.

And Voila! Madame she ees ready for a night on le Barley with Le Uncle

Of course Muzzerr ‘as ‘orrible tasting ’air, and eef ah were still a
Gastronomic Advisor ah would advise to avoid licking Muzzerr’s ‘air at all costs…

‘owever,  le most important part of being a ‘airdresser’
ees not le ‘airstyle…

‘Eet ees le gosseep’.

‘So tell me Madame’…

‘What ‘ave you ‘eard about le ‘airy little ‘orze
‘oo live een this paddock?’

‘What are they saying about ‘im, hmmmm?’

‘What ees that you say Madame?
That ‘e ees known to be le most ‘andsome, brave and clever little ‘orze in le ‘ole world?’
Ah love this job.

Today ah try out a new career.

Being a wine connoisseur is not for me. I do not even like le wine.

Muzzerr ees relieved about mah career change.

She blame Le Uncle for pointing me in le wrong direction.
She blame Le Uncle for everything.

‘I dunno’ Le Uncle said to me, ‘you have to find something you’re passionate about son’,

So ah did.Ah am very passionate about le noms.
Especially Le Uncle’s Noms. Ah inhale le sweet scent of pure molasses.

You could not get a more passionate ‘orze when eet come to Le Uncle’s noms than ah am.Ah show you mah Passionate look.

‘Le Uncle’ ah say, when ‘e look at me all grumpy face.

‘You are le one ‘oo say, ah should find mah passion and ah ‘ave –
‘oo are you to take that away from me?’
Le Uncle growl something back, ‘is mouth was full,
ah cannot understand ‘im at le best of times.

‘Hmmm?’ ah say. ‘Now let me ‘ave a taste, ah tell you ‘ow eet made –
for free – huh? huh?’.

’Le Uncle, ah am a food connoisseur – you will not get a better offer –
just one mouthful’.

But Le Uncle ‘e ees ‘aving none of eet. ‘Pees orf ya hairy leedle bludger ‘e say.

‘Ah ‘ave no idea what that means, being french,
ah am more ‘ighly evolved than ‘e ees.
Ah also ‘ear that being french, anyone would be pleased to ‘ave me sample
their noms and tell them ‘ow eet was cooked and where eet came from.

Of course ah ‘ave no clue about such stuff but that does not matteur
– a french accent open le doors to many careers they say.
For instance, being able to talk about food, wine, scuba diving, and art.
Ah ‘ave yet to try talking about le scuba diving or le art.

So ah try again. Thees time I try something new.

Ah stand and ah stare into space and will
mah stomach into making big rumbling noise.

‘Grrrrrrrbrrrrrrr bbrrrrrrrurrrrrrp’ ah go.

‘BRRRRRUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP’
That one came rolling up from deep inside. I am quite proud of eet.

Ah check Le Uncle. By le look of ‘im, ‘e must ‘ave
eaten something that not taste too good.

‘ah can tell you thees much Le Uncle’ ah say. ‘What,’ ‘e growl, ‘what can you tell me’. ‘e ees spitting ‘is nom all over le place as ‘e talk and ah ‘ave no idea what to tell ‘im, ah ‘ad not thought that far a’ead.
Suddenly ah ‘ave a brilliant thought…

‘ah should be le one to eat your nom first, that way, eef ah die,
you will know not to eat eet’.

‘Listen up, you hairy leedle Galah, oi don’t care eef you are as full
as a fairy’s phone book.
the only type of nom you’ll be getting out of me eef you don’t pees orf right now would be a hoof sandwich’.

Of course, ‘e ees speaking een Australian and ah don’t understand a word of eet

So ah say nothing but ah cleverly pretend ah know what ‘e just said.
Finally ah ‘eave a big sigh.
‘So I take eet that’s a no then’ ah say.

Eet appear mah career as a gastronomic advisor ees over before eet even start.