Muzzerr and ah ‘ave taken up watching sport.
Of course, Muzzerr ees a much bigger fan than ah am.
Ah merely accompany ‘er as a dutiful son.

‘Get a move on ya slack bastard’ she yell, ‘You couldn’t catch a cold’.
‘You’re about as useful as dinosaur repellent’ ah chime een.

Ah got that one off Le Uncle.

Muzzerr becomes louder and more embarrassing as le game wears on.

‘Hey you big hairy arsed wooss!’ shout mah Muzzerr.

‘You couldn’t hit water if you fell off a boat’

‘Put some power into it’ she yell,
‘you’re cornering like a one legged clydesdale’.

Ah ‘ad to laugh at that one. A one legged Clydesdale. Eh eh eh.

‘Ah snake with le false teeths could cut le grass better than you do,’ ah shout.
‘Good one Son” she said. Ah am getting in to the ‘ang of eet now.

‘A fish on a bicycle would have more style’ ah yell.
That made Muzzerr guffaw.

‘A French bicycle’ ah add. Muzzerr ‘ad to stop and think about that one.

Then she was off again – ‘Come on ya big Tossa’ she shriek.

‘What are you – a Daisy Cutter?’

‘A daisy cutter’ she sniggered to me – ‘did you get that Zeph?’

Sometime Muzzerr forget she ees not at a rodeo.
We are watching le next door neighbour cut ‘is lawns on le ride-on lawn mower.
Ah point out to Muzzerr that in fact le man ees probably cutting daisies.

She go all quiet after that.