Ah ‘ave taken up le Electric Fencitar.
You can play all sort of tunes by plucking le wire with le nose.
‘Bada bung bing bing bong bing biong bing….’
Le Uncle, ‘e ees most impressed.
As le added bonus, eet drive Muzzeur crazy.
‘Stop it Zephyr, that’s not music, it is nothing but NOISE’.
But ah ignore ‘er, she ees not le boss of me.
‘Bada bung bung bung bada berm’ ah go, ah am on a roll.
Uzzeur Muzzeur ees glaring at me but she ees not le boss of me either.
Le Uncle ees muttering something about ‘aving respect for Muzzeur
but eet ees all een Australian so ah do not ‘ave to listen..
Besides, ah ‘ave come to le end of mah set.
Ah finish with le resounding ‘BONKITY BOING!’
Ah give an exaggerated bow.
‘Merci Beaucoup everyone,’ ah say as eef they give me a stand up ovation.
While ah am down ‘ere ah discover le patch of uneaten cloveur.
Ah may be een this position for le while.
Later, because ah am bored and Muzzeur pay me no heed ah pretend ah ‘ave died.
This will make ‘er notice me ah think.
Ah roll oveur to see eef she notice yet.
She too busy applying ‘er lippystick.
‘How does this look?’ she ask me.
HOW DOES THIS LOOK???
Ah can not believe Muzzeur think applying ‘er lippystick more important than ‘er dying son.
Eet really ees very depressing.
Ah sink lower and lower into a state of deep depression.
Ah suck on le grass stalks and contemplate mah future.
Le Uncle ees watching me.
‘Get upya big Galah’, ‘e say.
Ah do not ‘ave to listen to ‘im.
‘You are not le boss of me’ ah mutter.
All ‘e do ees chat up Les Girls. All day.
Ah can not believe they so interested een wombats, galahs and crocodiles.
Stazi Paterson, ‘oo according to Muzzeur, ees a Fat Slapper, think ‘e ees ‘illarious.
She ‘ang around ‘im all day.
‘e do not ‘ave time for me any more.
Muzzeur ees a Quarter Horse.
Muzzeur and ah watch een disgust.
‘Just LOOK at that Fat Brown Slapper’, shriek Muzzeur.
Ah am looking.
‘She is a Fat Brown Slapper,’ snort Muzzeur.
Eet ees getting embarrassing now,
ah ‘ave to ‘ide be’ind ‘er.
This ees about as much fun as le visit from le ‘oof trimmeur.
‘I don’t know what Persil sees in these Slappers’ sigh Muzzeur.
Ah feel eet ees time to put mah soothing influence into play and ah know just what to say –
‘Muzzeur,’ ah say soothingly, ‘you may not be a Fat Brown Slapper but Le Uncle do say you are a Fat Slapper’