Ah am a ‘appy ‘orze.

Today, eet ees mah birthday, ah am one year old now. Officially ah am a Yearling.

As ah am an Old Yearling now, ah can sleep een.

Ah do not ‘ave to get up for my Noms, they come to me.

A ‘ole box of le carrots arrive from mah Aunt en Wellington.
They ‘ave label on them that say these are very poisonous to all ‘orzes except One Year Old ‘orzes.

Of course, there ees only one one year old ‘orze een
thees paddock so there ees no ‘urry to get up.

Eet ees, ‘oweveur,  time to get up and eat carrot.

Le Uncle ees still asleep, ah must wake ‘im so ah can brag about mah carrots.
Ah try out mah new ‘alloween mask.

Then ah find a stick and ah sneak up on ‘im.

‘e ‘as no idea ah am right ‘ere.

Ah carefully tickle ‘im with mah stick.

‘e ‘as no idea eet ees me, ah am too cleveur for that.

‘E still snoring so ah prod ‘im  arder .

Suddenly ‘e wake up and ah get a fright and drop mah stick.
‘e look a bit grumpy to me.

What ees that?
What are you talking about Le Uncle, ah would
neveur poke you with a big stick.

Ah ‘ave le box of carrot  Le Uncle.

But unfortunately for you, you can not ‘ave any carrot because they are
poisonous to ‘orzes ‘oo are not 1 year old exactly.
Eh eh eh, eet ees ‘ard to stop laughing out loud as ah say thees.

Finally, ah can not ‘elp mahself. Ah laugh so ‘ard ah nearly fall over.

That ees le joke you see, Le Label eet ees not real.

Le Uncle ‘as no idea, ‘e think ‘e can not eat any of them…
Some’ow though le ‘ole box got eaten.
‘appy birthday to me. Ah must ‘ave more of them.

Ah ‘ad a bit of a shock today.

Ah was ‘aving mah afternoon ‘Power Nap’.

Eet was so nice and warm and ah was dreaming about les girls next door.

‘ey Girls,’ ah say, een mah dream. ‘See mah friend over there?’ ah am pointing to Le Uncle; ‘e wants to know eef you think ah am ‘andsome’.

Of course, eet ees mah dream so they all agree that they ‘ave never seen such a ‘andsome ‘orze.

Then when ah wake up, there ees a fashion challenged man staring right at me.
That ees a shock een eetself.

‘Are you feeling a little Grass Affected?’ ‘e say.
That does eet, no Grass affect me. Ah am no Grassaholic.
Ah get up.

‘Ah see you may be le one ‘oo ees Grass Affected’ ah say.

‘Kindly remove your ‘at een mah presence’ ah add.

Ah remove eet for ‘im as eet ees clear ‘e ees
another imbecile ‘oo ‘as no idea ‘ow to take ‘is ‘at off.

‘There,’ ah say. ‘ah am a ‘at removal specialist’,
and eet ees then that ah get le shock of mah larf.

‘QUELLE ORREUR!!!’ ah gasp, ‘you ‘ave no mane!’

‘ah understand why you wear eet now,’ ah say kindly
and ah put eet back on ‘im.

‘Ah ‘ad no idea,’ ah tell ‘im.
Ah think ‘e forgive me.

Le Uncle ‘ad a massage from a Fizzo Therapy Expert today.

What would she know about massaging Le Uncle?
Ah am ‘ighly suspicious of ‘er.
Luckily ah am on ‘and to tell la Masseuse what to do.

Ah am a World Renown Expert on being an Expert.
This ah know because Uzzerr Muzzerr always say so.
‘Le Uncle ‘as special needs’ ah say.

Le Uncle look worried at first and ah do not blame ‘im.

Le Masseuse ‘as got ‘im een a ‘ead lock.
Ah am quite interested een this, ‘oweveur,
ah am ready to run in case she try that on me.

Le Uncle realise ‘e ees not going to get away this time and ‘e give a big sigh.

‘Do not worry Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘ah ‘ave a plan’.

Ah decide to pick le Uncle’s rope and sneak ‘im away before she notice ‘e ‘as gone.
Eet ees a cunning plan.

Suddenly Le Uncle asks my advice on what to do. Ah am pretty sure that ees what ‘e ask,
of course eet was een Australian and ah do not understand a word of eet so
ah offeur to give ‘im mah advice anyhow.

‘Peesorf ya hairy leedle Tossa’ ‘e say.
Ah ‘ave no idea what that means.
Ah choose to assume eet ees something complimentary about mah incredible  ‘andsomeness.

‘Thank you Le Uncle,’ ah say, ‘Ah am indeed a ‘andsome little Tossa.
Now ah will rescue you’.

Suddenly Le Uncle ees released.
‘e collapse on le ground and tell everyone ‘e now need another massage…

And le next thing ah know, ah am put under a spell. Ah can not move.
Mah botterm, eet ees een a trance. Eet gravitate all by eetself towards La Masseuse..
‘Ere,’ ah say, ‘scratch mah berm’.