Gud Moaning Le Uncle…

Le Uncle and ah are back in le paddock where ah first arrived.
Eet ees just ‘im and me.
This ees because of somebody ‘oo ees called Guy Fawkes ‘oo
might explode in le paddock. Ah would lark to see that.
Muzzerr as gone to a spa to get away from me for a bit.
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Eet ees very boring staying with le Uncle, ‘e sleep a lot because ‘e eat too much.
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Ah pull ‘is ear to wake ‘im up.
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Of course ‘e does not realise eet ees me ‘oo pull ‘is ear, ah am too cleveur for that.
Ah race around beside ‘im as ‘e try to wake up and start my morning stretches.
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‘Gud Moaning to you Le Uncle’.
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Ah do mah yoga every morning. This is le Farting Dog pose.
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‘e does not seem to ‘ave any intention of getting up, but we shall see about that.
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Ah start by giving ‘im a vigorous massage.
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‘Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘look what ah just found,
ah think eet ees a tiny saddle, right ‘ere’.
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Le Uncle ignore me and go back to sleep, so ah wake ‘im up.
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Ah bite ‘is chops.
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‘PISSORF yahairy leedletossa’ ‘e say.
But ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e means, eet ees een Australian
so ah ignore ‘im.
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‘Le Uncle’, ah say, ‘you ‘ave a phone call from Muzzerr’.
That woke ‘im up.
Of course, ‘e does not ‘ave a
phone call from Muzzerr, ‘e ‘as not even got a telephone.
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But ‘e so sleepy ‘e ‘as not realised so ah continue.
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‘She want to make sure you are playing with me’ ah say.
‘Eef you do not, she will come ‘ome and whup your bottom’.
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‘Le Uncle, are you listening to me?’
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Le Uncle start yelling at me in Australian.
‘e does not sound too complimentary.
Ah am ‘urt.
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Ah start to cry. Ah can not ‘elp eet. Ah sniff and ah sob all over ‘im
and suddenly ‘e ees le one feeling bad.
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We ‘ave a big ‘ug and make up. ‘Ah love you Le Uncle’ ah say.
‘Keep that to yerself son,’ growl Le Uncle.
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Apparently, een Australia, geldings lark mahself and Le Uncle
do not tell each other they love each other,
but ah am french so ah say eet again, only louder and this time ah kiss ‘im.
‘e ‘ate eet when ah do thees.
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Ah can not ‘elp mahself. Ah am going een for a big kiss,
ah am a stealthy leedle ‘orze so at first Le Uncle,
‘e ‘as no idea what ah am about to do.
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Ah give ‘im a big french kiss on le chops. MMMMWAAAH.
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Then, to show ‘im that was a ‘blokey’ type of kiss,
ah throw mah leg around ‘im een a blokey’ sort of casual way.
At least ah am ‘oping that ees what eet ees.IMG_0237

Only some’ow things go wrong and ah seem to be stuck.
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Thees ees awkward.
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Ah am not sure what to do now.
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So ah ‘ave to ask Le Uncle.
‘Le Uncle,’ ah say, this ees awkward, you seem to ‘ave stuck to me’.
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‘Fer Chrisakes’ ‘e say and ‘e sigh a big sigh.
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‘Oh well, at least while ah am ‘ere ah might as well sing you a song,
ah will sing Walking Matihlda,’ ah announce, ‘e will lark that, eet ees Australian you know. Ah clear mah throat…
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Without realising eet ‘ah am doing le Spinach walk in time to mah song.
Ah am le best Spinach Walker een le ‘ole Paddock.
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And all of a sudden,  ah am free.
‘You are so beautiful to meeeeeeee’, ah sing.
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‘Thank you, you’re beautiful’.
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