Ah am forced to ‘ave le teefs cleaned and le filed.
Of course ah point out to le dentist and Monsieur Roar Eee that ah was not about to ‘ave this done without le drug.
Le drug pusheur is called in and soon ah do not care what le dentist do to me.

When UzzMuzz finally desard to arrive, ah give ‘er le winning smile – lark this one from last year…
‘Goodness’ she exclaim, ‘you scared the crap out of me’.

Then Monsieur Roar Eee tell ‘er that we ‘ave work to do and she must stop kissing me immediately.
We get ready for le work while UzzMuzz stand around being about as useful as limpet at le ballroom dance.
This is not very useful at all.
‘Mind le clean teefs’ ah remind le Monsieur.

We ‘ave sterf to do. Ah am ‘oping le sterf involve la cow.

Look out la cow ah say.

Ah smile le winning smile again.
Ah ‘ave clean teefs, they glint in le lart  – obviously judging from UzzMuzz’s reaction, this will scare le crap out of any cow.
‘Mwah haa haaaaa’ ah yell as we gallop off to find la cow.

Instead we find UzzMuzz. ‘Close enough’ ah mutteur.
Le Monsieur get off and, ah can ‘ardly believe it, UzzMuzz get on!

Le next day, UzzMuzz arrive again and togetheur, we go out le gate and off with le Monsieur on le big

black ‘orze. ”ang on tart’ UzzMuzz ah say ‘we ‘ave la cow to find’.

We are off, UzzMuzz and ah ‘aving l’adventure togetheur.

This must be what L’Uncle told me all about. Ah enjoy showing UzzMuzz around.

UzzMuzz arrive at last.
It ‘as been 2 ‘old days since ah saw ‘er last.
Le flat need le clean afteur last narts student party, we party ‘ard in mah flat every nart.

Where ‘ave you been?’ ah demand, ‘you abandon me and le room need le clean’.
La girls are watching.
ah am ‘oping she will not go all gooey and kiss me and ‘ug me lark she always do.

Ah can not stay grumpy for long, ah ‘ave to work.
Monsieur Roar Eee turn mah ‘ead this way and then that to make sure le neck still work. It does.
‘Allo allo L’impet, ah ‘ope you are going to ‘ang on tart’.

Then le Monsieur get off and, ‘e, L’impet and ah show UzzMuzz le synchronized dressage dance we ‘ave worked out. ‘Urry up’ Monsieur ah whispeur, ‘show us your gallop’.
L’impet and ah ‘ave le good laugh oveur that one. Le Monsieur can do a lot of things but ‘e can not gallop.

Then we are off.
Ah ‘ad forgotten about UzzMuzz and suddenly she pop up out of nowhere!
‘What l’ell’ ah say.

Ah ‘ave new shoes on le feets which ah am keen to try out.
Apparently ah need them and ah ‘ave to admit, le toes feel much betteur now.

Ah go this way….

And ah go this way and ah can now trot on le gravel, ah marvel at this.

What l’ell is that?

Ah do not think ah want to go oveur there, it look lark water to me and L’Uncle told me water ‘ave thing called le Crocs in it.

According to L’Uncle ‘oo brought me up when Muzzeur got stuck into ‘er cloveur ‘abit, there are many types of le Crocs  – Le Croc of Sheet for example which apparently ah ‘ave eaten too much of. Ah miss L’Uncle.

L’impet is not keen about le crocs of any type but ah ‘ave to be le brave little ‘orze for us both.

Ah splosh le way into marshy ground where no ‘orse ‘as eveur been before.

‘Did you see that UzzMuzz?’ ah enquire, ‘There is no place ah will not go now’.

There is no ‘orze more brave and more ‘andsome than ah am.

Look at this farce, you will not ‘ave seen le more ‘andsome one.
‘We are talking about mah farce of course, not le Monsieur, ‘e does not ‘ave ‘air lark mine’.

Ah try le swerve action. Le Monsieur, ‘e laugh. L’impet ‘ang on tart and say nothing.
‘e is clearly petrified. ‘eh eh eh’.

Then it is tarm to break out le canteur.

Ah bust some moves.
‘Whoopdy doo’ ah snort. Ah learn that off l’orze in le flat next to mine. We ‘ave become friends. ‘e always say this.
Le Monsieur ignore me and L’impet is too impressed to say anything.

Ah am ‘aving more fun than le bag of barley.

Ah wondeur ‘ow much fun le bag of barley ‘ave.

‘oweveur much ‘e ‘ave ah am ‘aving more fun.

Suddenly we are back at le Boot Camp.
It is not really le Boot Camp but do not tell UzzMuzz eh eh eh, she think ah am going to come back to ‘er, le reformed little boy.

Ok Monsieur you can get off now and take L’impet with you. Ah am in charge ‘ere…Or maybe not.

Ah get back and UzzMuzz give me le bath, clean le student flat (about tarm) and button up le pyjamas. Ah sigh l’appy sigh, ah love UzzMuzz and ah am le tired little boy…

‘oo is suddenly aware that la girls are watching.

‘UzzMuzz is not cleaning le flat for me and these are not mah pyjamas’ ah explain, ‘This ‘ere outfit is le smoking jacket given to me by ‘oof ‘efner and UzzMuzz is looking for le shoe that she lost, that is all’.

Today UzzMuzz did not come out to visit me so ah desard to inform you all about le Winteur ‘oliday ah ‘ave this year.

Unfortunately Muzzeurr’s new boyfriend L’oover ‘ad to come with us.

‘e is l’imbicile. ah can not understand what she see in ‘im.

Ah try to keep ‘er away from ‘im..

And ah think we all know ‘oo look best for le camera.

Anyway le rest of l’erd join us and ah am pleased to see Aunty Indy – she regard moi as ‘er long lost son now found.
”allo allo Tante Indy’ ah say, ‘it is moi, Zephyr your long lost son all grown up’.
‘Gerd ‘elp usall’ she say and ah can tell ah ‘ave made ‘er day despite Usall needing l’elp.
Ah can ‘ear Muzzeur in le background muttering about me being ‘er son and something else about la big beige tart.

But le best of all Tante Indy can’t stand l’imbicile – she ‘ave le taste.

‘Ha haaa’ ah shout at L’imbicile, ‘all la lardies love me not you’.
‘Fickorf you obnoxious little banker’ ‘e say, or something lark that.
Ah do not understand a word ‘e say but ah am pretty sure ‘e mean it as le compliment.

Ah slow down to le trot, ‘le name is ZEPHYR’ ah point out to ‘im, ‘not Fickorf; you must ‘ave me mistaken for some otheur famous and ‘andsome ‘orze’.

Le Autumn drag on how’eveur, in May le friend Benjamin Frankly join le ‘erd.
”Allo allo Monsieur Benjamin’ ah greet ‘im, ‘you probably do not recognise me but it is ah, Zephyr, ah am le grown up ‘orze now’. ‘e also seem to know Fickorrf.
Muzzeur is still going on about la beige tart. Ah ‘ave no idea what she talk about.

Next door live la girl with l’uge botterm. ‘Limbicile and ah are quite interested.

L’imbicile and ah spend most of winteur farting.
‘e keep going on about Monsieur Fickorrf ‘oo ah do not know.

Muzzeurr still lark to do mah ‘air.

Then she do ler tail for me.

L’imbicile can not believe it.

‘Get used to it Imbicile’ ah say, ‘Everybody around ‘ere do as ah say, ah le most important little ‘orze in l’ole paddock’.

Ah think now mart be le tarm to walk away.