Just as ah think ah mart die of le boredom, today ah ave le visiteurs.
‘My Little Boy,’ cry Uzzeur Muzzeur.
Ah run oveur to ‘er and ‘old ‘er tart.
Ah can not ‘elp mahself, it ‘as been two day since ah last saw ‘er.
ah am not even mad at ‘er for calling me ‘er Little Boy’

Then ah notice le Dud. ”ave you got mah carrot?’ ah demand.
‘e is looking at la girls oveur le fence.

‘Zephyr,’ ‘e say, ‘you know you are not allowed carrots’.
Sadly, ah do.

‘Uzzeurr Muzzeurr,’ ah say, ‘Dud said ah could now ‘ave les carrot’
It was worth ler try.

Uzzeurr Muzzeurr will not let me go, she  slobbeur all oveur me lark ah some big arse cream. There is still no sign of le carrot.

Ah am guessing that instead of les carrots, she ‘as brought me clean fresh ironed underpants, named for each day of le week.
She probably ‘as mah clean pair of pyjamas and ‘opefully, le picnic lunch.
Ah try to kiss ‘er ah am so ‘appy to see ‘er. Ah aim for ‘er farce and close l’eye.

‘Did you bring mah lunch?’ ah ask ler Dud when ah finally get bored with kissing Uzzeur Muzzeur

‘Next time Son’ ‘e say, ‘if you be a good boy I’ll bring you a whole bag of carrots next time we visit, it will be our little secret’.
Ah am now sworn to secrecy at le ‘ighest level. Ah can not wait to tell la girls.

Ah check ler Dud’s sleave just incase ‘e ‘as ‘idden le spare carrot up there.
‘e ‘as not. ‘You can go now’ ah say. Ah ‘ave ‘ad enough of le visiteurs, besard,  la girls oveur le fence are busting to talk with me.

Ah shall tell them about l’oliday in April in l’uge field with Muzzeurr and ‘er imbicile boyfriend.
Ah can not even bring mahself to say ‘is name…