It is day 4 of le Boot Camp.
Ah ‘ave been sent ‘ere as ler punishment for complaining about Muzzeur’s ‘orrible imbecile of le boyfriend.
‘ere you see me with le prison guard and ‘torturer’ Monsieur Roar Eee. ‘e does not roar.
Just between you and me, ah quite lark ‘im. Do not tell la Muzzeurrs, they think ah am being punished.

As Muzzeurr ‘as kindly come to watch le ‘torture’ today – ah will pretend ah do not lark it.

‘Ooh arrr,’ ah groan, and ah put on le most pained expression while ah am being stroked with le flag.Next  l’impet is thrown on top of me once again – ‘e ‘ug me to le warm and fluffy limpet breast.
Ah ‘suffeur’ through this. ‘Look Muzzeurr’, ah moan, ‘ah am suffeuring’.

Suddenly ah notice la new girlfriends (ah ‘ave many admirers ‘ere) are all watching me through le fence.
Ah show them le burst of lartening speed. ‘ang on tart L’impet’ ah instruct.

Monsieur Roar Eee (‘oo does not roar) once again ‘e try to wrestle le ‘airy  l’impet from mah back. L’impet will not let go.
Ah do not care, ah am becoming quite attached to L’impet.

Then – Quel génie! Le genius Monsieur Roar Eee come up with le plan to sit on le Limpet.

Tarm stand still. No one dare to move.

Except me of course.
Enough of this ah say, you do what you want, ah see la girls through le fence admiring mon bravery and ah forgot all about le Monsieur Roar Eee and Le Limpet on mah back.

Suddenly, ah am asked to remember; ah ‘ave to turn around. Ah can do this.
Ah now see it mah job to make sure l’imbecile on mah back  do not fall off. Ah am careful.

It is tricky sterf to balance un l’imbicile along with un limpet but ah do it, la girls are depending on it.

Ah am suddenly aware of Uzzeur Muzzeur ‘oo sit up ‘igh above, making ridiculous oohing and ahhing noises.

‘Good little Boy’ she shout. This is getting embarrassing. Ah am not a little boy any more.

Once again ah spot la girls through le fence. ‘Bonjour Madames’ ah say. They love l’accent.
‘Do not listen to Uzzeur Muzzeur ‘igh above’ ah whisper, ‘she talk about Monsieur Roar Eee ‘ere on mah back; ‘e is le good little boy’.

Monsieur Roar Eee ‘oo still does not roar ask me to go a little faster. Seeing as ‘e is so polite, ah do – but not too fast – ah do not want ‘im to fall off.

Ah am concentrating ‘ard. This is mah concentrating ‘ard look. Ah am also ‘oping, la girls through le fence are watching.

All of le sudden, we ‘ave finished, ah was not even tortured. Actually ah am enjoying mahself. Ah do not want to finish yet, ah ‘ave moves ah ‘ave not yuet shown la girls, but it is oveur. Now ah will ‘ave to suffeur Muzzeurs ‘ugs and kisses.
Ah will report some more when ah get tarm, it is difficult to find le tarm to balance mah job with la girls and then ‘ave to report to you.