Le Uncle ees een big trouble with Muzzerr again.

We were ‘aving le chat about Muzzer’s BIG BOTTOM.
Eet ees a ‘uge bottom.

‘She ‘as an enormous bottom Le Uncle’ ah say.

‘I wouldn’t say that in front of her’ said Le Uncle.
‘Say what?’ ah asked.
‘Do not tell your mother that she has a large bottom’ he said.

‘What? ah ask again, ‘you will ‘ave to yell Le Uncle, ah am ‘ard of ‘earing today’.
‘Do not tell your Mother‘, and now ‘e start to yell at me ‘that she has a huge backside‘ he shout.

There ees silence een le paddock. Not even a bird sing. Monsieur Paterson can not believe what ‘e just ‘eard.

Suddenly Le Uncle realise what ‘e just said and ‘ow loud ‘e said it.
‘e try to pin le blame on me.
Muzzerr continue to ‘oover le paddock.

Time ‘as stop still. We all ‘old our breaths.

At last Muzzerr look up from ‘er ‘oovering and she glare at Le Uncle.

‘Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘e ees pretending to ‘oover le paddock.

‘Hey Le Uncle, Muzzerr want to talk to you’ ah say helpfully.

‘PERSIL BEAUCOUP,’ whisper my Muzzerr, and ah can tell she ‘as thought ‘ard about what to say to ‘im.
‘e ees een big trouble.

‘Persil’, she snarl, ‘Don’t let your mind wander – it’s too small to be let out alone’.

Ah ‘ave to think about this for a bit.

Finally ah get eet.
‘Don’t worry Muzzerr’, ah say, ‘Ah will let mah mind out for a wander with le Uncle’s mind’.

Ah am being a very helpful little boy today.
‘Ere ees Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘anding ‘im over to Uzzerr Muzzerr.

There ees a bit of difficulty releasing le rope from
mah teefs ‘oo seem to want o ‘ang on to eet.

‘Ang on a minute’ ah say, ‘any minute now ah will ‘and ‘im over’.

Then eet occur to me, there are big possibilities een being le rope ‘andler.
Le Uncle looks worried.

‘OK Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘Move back,’ and ah shake le rope at ‘im.
‘You’re kidding,’ ‘e say. Ah assure ‘im ah am not kidding.

‘e take a step back so ah reward ‘im by dropping le rope.

Then ah go to pick eet up again. Ah am going to teach ‘im to do le Spanial Walk.

But Quelle ‘orreour, ‘e does not want to learn ‘ow le Spaniel walk.
‘e tell me, to ‘Pees off’!

Of course ah am upset. Ah sniff and sob and Uzzerr Muzzer rush over to comfort
me as ah knew she would.
Besides, Muzzerr ees glaring at ‘im. ‘e ees een big trouble.
Now ‘e ‘as to do everything ah say.

‘everything ah say?’ ah check with Uzzerr Muzzerr.

Ah grab ‘old of le rope again. Le Uncle ‘e give a ‘uge sigh and roll ‘is eyes.

‘Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘Listen up’. And ah shake le rope at ‘im impressively,

‘Ah want you to sing Waltzing Matilda’.

Today Le Uncle and Monsieur Paterson ‘ad a dancing competition.
They are still trying to attract le attention of   les girls next door.

Eet seem to be working but Muzzerr ees not ‘appy about eet.
Les girls ‘ang out by le fence and watch.

Monsieur Danny Boy Paterson, ‘oo ees a very ‘airy ‘orse ‘appens to be very good at le break dancing.
‘e start by lying on le ground whistling at les

When ‘e ‘as their attention,  ‘e start spinning around with ‘is legs in le air.

‘Go The Danny Boy,’ yell Muzzerr,
‘You’ve got more style than a bag of barley’.

Monsieur Paterson bust a new move.

‘Jolly good show Mr Paterson’ yell Madame Trolloppe.

Not to be outdone, Muzzerr chimes in – ‘Fricken brilliant!’ she shout.

Ah can not believe mah own Muzzerr would use such language in front of me, ‘er only son.

Monsieur Danny Boy, ‘e ees going all out to win le title, ‘e ‘as moves ah ‘ave never seen before.

‘Oi call dis one da Drunken Oirish Cob’ says Monsieur Paterson.

Ah suspect Monsieur Paterson know more about le drunken irish cobs than ‘e let on.
Then eet ees Le Uncle’s turn. ‘E might be le paddock
Planking Champion but ah ‘ave no idea eef ‘e can dance.
Ah suspect not.

‘e go down and wave ‘is legs around a bit.
Ah ‘ave to say, ‘is performance ees a little lacklustre

Suddenly ‘e try le spin, and ‘e get stuck and end up with ‘is signature Planking move.
‘e lie about like this for a bit and le next thing we all ‘ear loud snoring!

Muzzerr and Monsieur Paterson, can not believe their ears.

‘I can’t believe he did that!’ say Muzzerr.

If oi were to take a guess oi’d
have to say he be doing da dance of the really really drunken Oirish Cob’ say Monsieur Paterson’oo know about such things.

‘I’ve seen that move before’ say Madame Trolloppe

‘I bet she’s seen it quite a few times,’ smirked Muzzerr.
Ah ‘ave no idea what she ees talking about but ah do not think it was a compliment.

Ah live een a paddock full of embeciles.