Today great luck was upon me as Uzzerr Muzzerr tied
Le Uncle up so ah could interrogate ‘im about Clozenuff.
‘’Tell me, ‘oo eez Clozenuff’ ah zay.

Le Uncle looks at Uzzerr Muzzerr as if she will ‘elp ‘im but ah playing ‘Bad Cop’ to ‘er ‘Good Cop’. ‘She cannot ‘elp you now’ ah say, ‘so you better cough up everyzing you know about zis Clozenuff’.

Le Uncle look alarmed now. ‘Oo eez ‘ee and what does ‘e want?’
ah am shaking ‘im by le ‘ead collar.

Suddenly Uzzerr Muzzerr is calling me away.
‘Zis is not over’ ah growl .

Next thing ah know, Uzzerr Muzzerr is waving ‘er arms around and giving me a big bollocking.
‘You are a naughty, hairy little boy’ she say,
‘You must not boss your Uncle around like that Young Man’.

Ah stop playing Bad Cop immediately, and try being ‘elpful Young Man instead.
Ah pick up Le Uncle’s rope and lead ‘im over to Uzzerr Muzzerr.
It work. According to Uzzerr Muzzerr, ah am once again le most ‘andsome,
clever and charming ‘orze in le paddock.

Le Uncle ‘as just realised ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e eez talking about.

Now ah ‘ave to ‘ave lessons with ‘im on ‘ow to talk Australian.
Muzzerr makes sure ah attend le class..

‘Mate’ ‘e say.

‘Mart’ ah repeat.

‘MMMMate’ chimes een Muzzerr

‘ Zephyr’, she say, ‘say like this…MMMMAAAAATE’

‘Miiiite’ah zay.

Muzzerr look at Le Uncle to zee eef ‘e will correct me.

‘E doesn’t so she starts off again..’MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAATE’she bellows.

‘Now you say it son’.

But ah am so embarrassed ah cannot say anyzing.
Ah cannot believe she would make such a spectacle of ‘erself.
She eez always embarrassing me. Finally I whisper ‘Moite’

‘Close Enough!’ whoop Le Uncle and ‘e walk off.

‘Oo ees Clozenuff? Ah am going to find out.

Today we all saw a ‘ole cartload of ‘oly Crap delivered to someone up la road….

I knew it was ‘oly Crap when ah saw eet.
Eet was le first zing zat came to le mind.

Le Uncle yelled ‘HOLY CRAP’ when ‘e see eet coming up le road.
This confirm mah suspicion.

We all wonder ‘oo eez going to get eet.

Le Uncle – ‘e eez very brave, ‘ee approach le cartload of ‘oly Crap zo ah go with ‘im to ‘ave a look.
‘Stay back and let le boys ‘andle zis one’ ah say to Muzzerr.

Zen Le Uncle eez walking next to le big ‘orze zo ‘e can ask ‘im about all zat ‘oly Crap.

Personally ah zink ‘e lark le idea of being ah deliverer of ‘oly Crap.

Muzzerr and ah follow too – she want to know ‘oo eet eez being delivered to.

Le Uncle and ah talk about eet later.

‘Mate,’ e say, and zen ‘e say a ‘ole lot of stuff een Australian.
As usual ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about.
Ah put mah Quite Interested Look on.

And ah agree wiz everyzing ‘e say even though ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e eez saying.

Suddenly we notice a ‘ole ‘erd of cows coming up le road.
‘Holy Crap’ zay Le Uncle but ah am able to inform ‘im zat zey eez la cows not le ‘oly Craps. Mah eyesight eez better zan ‘is.

But Le Uncle continues to insist zat eet eez anuuzer load of ‘oly Crap – on and on ‘e go. Ah am getting very bored.

Ah ‘ave better zings to do zan stand around listening
to an old man going on and on about nuzzing.

Besides, ah ‘ave a cunning plan.

Ah am sensing Uzzerr Muzzerr eez about to arrive
so ah race to put mah plan into action.

‘Crikey’ say Le Uncle as ah gallop past,
and Muzzerr eez still trying figure out what just ‘appen.

Ah get on le ground and ah cover mahself wiz ‘oly crap.
Eef people lark zis stuff so much zey get eet delivered by le cart load,
Uzzerr Muzzerr will love zis ah zink to mahself.

Ah nonchalantly graze le grass, waiting for Uzzerr Muzzerr to notice.
All of a sudden, ah ‘ear ‘er yell ‘HOLY CRAP!’
And ah know mah cunning plan ‘as worked.