Foo Manchu

Today mah Muzzerr iz still ignoring me.
Muzzerr, ah zay, Muzzerr why iz your tail zo long?
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Muzzerr, what do you mean it not detachable?
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Muzzerr, am ah detachable?
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Muzzerr, ah am not detachable ah zay.
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You cannot detach me Muzzerr, ah zay.
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Az usual Muzzerr iz getting very cranky with me and ah do not understand why.
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Zo ah try zomezing Le Uncle taught me to zay.
Muzzerr, ah zay, ah love you.
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It’s amazing – just making up a big fib like zat, make mah Muzzerr not cranky any more.
Le Uncle zay it work on all le girls.
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Le rest of le morning we stood around playing Le ‘Foo Manchu’…
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We even did a Muzzerr and Zon ‘Foo Manchu’.
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I wonder if le sheeps know ‘ow to play zis.
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Zis Morning, ah got dragged along to a family portrait session again.IMG_6316

Mah Muzzerr gave me le big lecture on ‘ow ah waz to be’ave mahzelf.
On and on she went.
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Apparently, ah am NOT allowed to be a big ‘am.
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But ah realise she ‘as not zaid anything about being a small  ‘am.
Zis cheers me up immensely.
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Mah Muzzerr, arranged mah ‘airstyle. She always do zis.
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Now you are going to be a good boy? she zay.
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Ah promise to try mah ‘ardest. Ah am not any type of ‘am.
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After La Muzzerr and zon shots, it waz time for le whole family including Le Uncle.
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After la family group photos we all got to play in le big paddock.
Ah waz not a ‘am Muzzerr, ah zay, waz ah? Waz ah Muzzerr? Waz Ah?
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Muzzerr did not acknowledge mah lack of ‘aminess, she just got grumpy again.
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Zo ah decide to be a racing ‘am. Ah am a very fast ‘am.
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Zere iz no ‘am anywhere zat can go zis fast.
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Mah Muzzerr is not a ‘am. Muzzerr iz a very slow ‘orze. She is also a very grumpy ’orze.
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Ah am too busy being a ‘andsome ‘am to be grumpy.
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Finally, ah let ‘er zink she ‘as caught me.
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You ‘ave got me Muzzerr, ah zay
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You caught le ‘am.
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Right ‘ere Muzzerr, it is ah, your zon.
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Muzzerr?
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Because she ignore me ah tell ‘er ah might die, and ah wail out loud.
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Ah am not a ‘am any more ah sniff.
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Ah make Muzzerr promise to never be grumpy again.
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Even when ah do zis.
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Zen ah may ‘ave gone a bit too far, ah can’t ‘elp mahself, ah bite ‘er bottom.
It waz zere, and ah am’ere also.
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Well she get all grumpy at me and even though ah apologize and zay ah don’t know what got into me, she zend me away.
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That boy, she zay to Le Uncle, he’s got more cheek than you can shake a stick at.
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Zo ah decide to test zat theory and ah find a stick to shake.
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And shake
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And shake zum more.
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And zen ah find mah Daddy and make ‘im scratch mah bum.
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Ah am Lord of Le Paddock and people are zere to zerve me..
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Zen, and ah truly don’t know what got into me, but ah go for a big kiss…
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And suddenly ah realise, mah Muzzerr was right; ah ‘ave got more cheek zan ah can shake a stick at.
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January 31st

It a ‘ot day and we all stand around waiting for the Uzzerr Muzzerr to come out and kiss us. When at last she come we all so excited we call out to her (except my Muzzerr- she too hot)
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Nek minute, Le Uncle Persil bite mah bum.
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Why did you do zat Le Uncle ah zay.
Mate, he said, you squeal like a little girl and that’s just not right.
Maaate, he say, you should be ROARING like a LION.
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For le record, ah do NOT squeel like a little girl.
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Muzzerr, ah zay, Muzzerr, Le Unckle zay ah squeal like a little girl.
Tell ‘im ah do not.
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Muzzerr? What is a LION?
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But she too ‘ot to care.
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Muzzerr? Ah zay, and ah make big zilly kissy noises to test ‘er ‘earing.
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She still ignoring me zo zen ah ‘ave to roar at ‘er. MUZZERR!!! Ah bellow.IMG_6306

MUZZERR!!!
ah roar; like le lion.
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What is it she say, what is so important that you need to shout in my ear?IMG_6310

Le Uncle Persil bite mah bum ah whisper.
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I’m sure he didn’t mean to, she said.
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Ah thought about zat for a bit and ah am zinking,
‘ow can you not mean to bite someone on le bum?
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