Today, to mark mah 5 Month anniversary,
Uzzerr Muzzerr came by and presented me wiz a Gift.
Le Uncle wandered over for a closer look.

‘Crikey’, ‘e said, ‘I see you’ve got some flash new clobber’.

Ah instructed La Cats to close their eyes while ah got changed.

Madame Suckymoto closed ‘er eyes but Madame Possovitz said her eyes don’t close.
‘oo am ah to argue with a Tabby Tubby?

Madame Suckymoto iz senile, she kept ‘er eyes closed even after ah waz changed.

OK ah said, you can look now.

Madame Suckymoto ‘as no idea what she eez looking at.

Eet’s a Smoking Jacket, ah said ‘elpfully.

Look, eet’s got buckles ‘ere

You can do them up like zis.

And eet ‘as detailing around the sides ‘ere.

That made Madame Possovitz sit up and take le notice.

Ah think there might be some pockets here somewhere ah said.

“Pockets?’ said Le Uncle, ‘is smoking jacket has no pockets.

Just between you and me mine does not either,
but ‘e does not need to know zis.

Ah check for any pockets under Muzzerr

She just ‘as a big bag.

Today ah ‘elped in le search for a Cheeky little Boy.

Uzzerr Muzzerr, putz ‘er hand under mah chin and asks
“Where is my cheeky little boy then”

Ah don’t know any cheeky little boys, apart from Gollamb that iz,
but ‘e iz a sheeps, not a boy.
‘Ah don’t know’ ah zay, ‘where eez your cheeky little boy?
Are you looking for one?’
Muzzerr nudges me on le bottom.

‘Zephyr,’ she zay, ‘YOU are a cheeky little boy aren’t you’.

‘Muzzerr,’ ah reply logically, ‘if ah waz le cheeky little boy Uzzerr Muzzerr eez looking for,
she would not still be searching for ‘im would she.’

‘Clearly we are now on le ‘unt for le missing cheeky little boy’, ah zay.

‘Do not worry’ ah tell Uzzerr Muzzerr, we will find le cheeky little boy
and bring ‘im to you.
Muzzerr iz already looking for ‘im.

Muzzerr and ah start le search.

Zen ah go off and ‘unt for ‘im by mahself. Eet iz easier to work without
Muzzerr ‘anging around demanding to know everyzing zat eez going on.

Ah find le Uncle and ask ‘im if ‘e ‘as seen any cheeky little boys lately.
Ah should know better zan to ask an Australian Stock ‘orze if ‘e know anyzing.
‘Oi s’pose we could fossick around a bit and pull out a
larrikin or two from the scrub’ ‘e zay.

Even Muzzerr ‘as no idea what ‘e just said.

Le Uncle trotted off to see if ‘e could find anyzing at all cheeky.

And ah waz left wondering ‘ow mah tongue fits in mah ‘ead.
Ah zink eet rolls up like a big roll of tape and eez all
stored in le space between mah eyes.

Ah practice rolling eet in and rolling eet out.

Today Uzzerr Muzzerr comes into zee me just as ah am ready to ‘ave a nap.

Ah do not mind ‘er coming to zee me but ah must ‘ave mah nap.

Zo ah lie down beside ‘er and ask ‘er to tell me a bedtime story.

‘What story?’ She ask, and ah a’ve to zink for a bit.

Le one about le Battle of Wounded Knee ah zay sleepily.

‘Well,’ she zay, ‘Once upon a time, there was a very brave little horse’.
‘What waz ‘iz name?’ ah ask.

‘His name was Lord LubbaDuck’ she zay.
Ah try to give ‘er mah astonished look but ah am too tired zo ah grunt instead.

‘Carry on’ ah zay, what did ‘e look like?’
‘Oh’ she assured me,
‘he was the most handsome little horse in the whole wide world’.

‘Az ‘andsome az me?’ ah zay.
‘As handsome as you’ she says.

She continue az ah drift off to sleep…
‘All the fillys were in love with His Lordship’ she zay,
‘he was such a brave and clever little horse’.

‘Handsome, brave and clever’ ah sigh az ah drift off to sleep.
Ah like zis story.

Zuddenly ah am rudely awakened by ah blast of noise zat sounds like a fog ‘orn.
Zere iz only one animal ‘oo zound like zees.

Apart from le ‘ouse God zat eez.

Gollamb’s Muzzerr.
And zere she eez.
‘Excuse me Your Lordsheep’ she zay politely –
she eez a very polite sheeps, ah give ‘er zat.

‘Good Grief, ah zigh, ‘what eez it now Eezlamb?’
Le Sheeps have moved into le paddock next door and
they ‘ave somezing to zay about everyzing.

‘Do you know ‘Your pants are on Fire’?’

Well of course ah panic, ah roll over and over to put le fire out.

‘’elp, ‘elp,’ ah shout, ‘Mah pants are on fire’.

‘ow waz ah to know she waz talking about a song?’

Gollamb put ‘er up to zat one. Ah may ‘ave to kill ‘im.