Today Uzzerr Muzzerr comes into zee me just as ah am ready to ‘ave a nap.

Ah do not mind ‘er coming to zee me but ah must ‘ave mah nap.

Zo ah lie down beside ‘er and ask ‘er to tell me a bedtime story.

‘What story?’ She ask, and ah a’ve to zink for a bit.

Le one about le Battle of Wounded Knee ah zay sleepily.

‘Well,’ she zay, ‘Once upon a time, there was a very brave little horse’.
‘What waz ‘iz name?’ ah ask.

‘His name was Lord LubbaDuck’ she zay.
Ah try to give ‘er mah astonished look but ah am too tired zo ah grunt instead.

‘Carry on’ ah zay, what did ‘e look like?’
‘Oh’ she assured me,
‘he was the most handsome little horse in the whole wide world’.

‘Az ‘andsome az me?’ ah zay.
‘As handsome as you’ she says.

She continue az ah drift off to sleep…
‘All the fillys were in love with His Lordship’ she zay,
‘he was such a brave and clever little horse’.

‘Handsome, brave and clever’ ah sigh az ah drift off to sleep.
Ah like zis story.

Zuddenly ah am rudely awakened by ah blast of noise zat sounds like a fog ‘orn.
Zere iz only one animal ‘oo zound like zees.

Apart from le ‘ouse God zat eez.

Gollamb’s Muzzerr.
And zere she eez.
‘Excuse me Your Lordsheep’ she zay politely –
she eez a very polite sheeps, ah give ‘er zat.

‘Good Grief, ah zigh, ‘what eez it now Eezlamb?’
Le Sheeps have moved into le paddock next door and
they ‘ave somezing to zay about everyzing.

‘Do you know ‘Your pants are on Fire’?’

Well of course ah panic, ah roll over and over to put le fire out.

‘’elp, ‘elp,’ ah shout, ‘Mah pants are on fire’.

‘ow waz ah to know she waz talking about a song?’

Gollamb put ‘er up to zat one. Ah may ‘ave to kill ‘im.