Quelle ‘orreour! today la sun go on ‘oliday and somebody turn on a big sprinkler system.

At first, ah am not impressed and try to stay under la trees.
Ah do not want to be sprinkled and besides ah ‘ave to listen to mah Muzzerr grumping on a bout Le Uncle. On and on she go.

It is getting boring so ah decide to visit Le Uncle ‘oo is under la trees being not boring
but mah Muzzerr follow me.

So zen ah make a break for it.

Uncle, ah yell, Uncle, ah am coming to play wiz you.

But mah Muzzerr, she a very embarressing ‘orze at le best of timez,
she march me out of zere again.

Zen she bring me over to my ozzer Muzzerr ‘oo is standing around as usual doing nozzing much at all.

Here, she say, please do something with this young man, he is being a pain in the bum.
Ah cannot believe mah earz, ah am NOT a pain in Le Bum.

But ah am made to spend time with mah ozzer Muzzerr which is anus ‘orribilus
(Uncle Persil taught me zat one)
All my Uzzer Muzzer want to do is kizz me and ah am far too old for zat zort of carry on now.

After suffering through about 150 kizzes and cuddles which iz very embarrassing andcould damage my personality forever (Zo zay Le Uncle)
Ah zink ah deserve a drink.

Today, mah Muzzerr is very grumpy with me (again) for reasonz ah can not understand.

Ah suppose it could be zumthing to do with my mentioning that she look like a
large ‘airy shark.
OK ah could ‘ave been more polite.

Zen ah pretend to be a remora fish. Zey attach themselves to sharks.

But mah Muzzerr did not want to be attached to anyzing.

Ezpecially not me.
So ah get afraid she might eat me.

Zo ah decided to attach mahself to a outriggeour on le fence post.

It’s not quite le same az being attached to a large ‘airy shark –
ah miz le element of dangeur.

Zo zen ah ‘ave a brilliant idea.
Ah become a bluez muzician and ah play le ‘armonica.

Zere iz no better musician anywhere in le paddock.

Zank, you, zank you very much, you’re beautiful ah zay modestly after ah ‘ave finished mah riff.

Muzzerr ah zay after le concert, Muzzerr….

Muzzerr, ah know you are not really a large ‘airy shark ah zay.
You don’t ‘ave a dorzal fin.

Today, Le Uncle Persil and ah got la chatting.
When mah Muzzerr looked over ah very cleverly pretend to ‘ave died but ah ‘ad to keep checking to zee if my Muzzerr realised. She never zeem to notice when ah die.

Uncle Persil told me zat ah should try to keep mah eyez closed.
Ee said she would know zat ah waz dead immediately zen.
So ah cloze mah eyez tight.

That’s it son, ee zaid, keep them closed.

Ah listen to Le Uncle telling tales for hourz and ah end up going to sleep,
when ah wake up…

Zere is le orrible zight zat await me.
My muzzerr appearz to ‘ave taken er teeths out!

Ah get zuch a fright ah ave to lean against ‘er and zen ‘ave a drink.

Zen ah talk to my Muzzer about it.
Muzzerr I zay, you need to put your teeths back in before you go to zleep.

Zen, a bit ztupidly, ah realize later, ah continue…

Uncle Persil sayz any stallion oo zeez you wiz no teeths get a terrible fright Muzzerr and would ave to ave counzelling for life.

Alzo ee zayz  you ave a big fat arze so le combination of zees zings, well, you know…

When Le Uncle Persil eard what ah waz telling ‘er, ee lost iz appetite…

Mah Muzzerr did not zay very much, but le next thing ah know she iz stomping down le paddock towards Le Uncle.
Zis cannot be a good sign ah zay to mahself, ah waz only trying to be ‘elpful.

Le Uncle looked worried.

Ah try to delay ‘er using le brilliant tactic of ‘ah ave a sore leg right ‘ere’
But it does not work.
Ah should ‘ave tried being dead again.

Le Uncle Persil is once again not allowed within 1 metre of me.

And ah am keeping mah big mouth le shut.