Ah am now in Re’ab.

Ah am le Bad Boy of le Paddock.

While stuck ‘ere, ah make up le song about Re’ab which ah shall now sing for you…

‘They try to mark me go to re’ab ah say…

Neigh Neigh Neigh…

Ah ain’t got time and L’Uncle think ah fine…

so ah say Neigh Neigh Neigh…

NEIGH NEIGH NEIEEEEEGGGHHHHHH’

Now ah ‘ave finish le song ah look for something else to do.
Ah am quite enjoying mahself in rehab.
Ah ‘ave a lot of le visiteurs.

Uzzeurr Muzzeur is coming over to see me now.
It must be le visiting ‘our.
Ah pick up le bouquet and ‘urriedly finish le nom. .

L’Uncle tell me le way to Uzzeurr Muzzeurr’s ‘eart is to present ‘er with le bouquet.

‘Ere Uzzeurr Muzzeurr’ ah say, ‘ah present you with this bouquet as le token of mah love for you’.

‘ere, take it and fill it up’.

‘Oi said a BOUQUET not a bloody BUCKET ya hairy leedle Tosser’.

Apparently ah mugged le drug dealer.
‘ow was ah supposed to know this is a bad thing?
Nobody tell me.

Ah am now locked up in solitary confinement through no fault of my own.

Yesterday, le man ‘oo will be known only by le name of ‘arry turn up with la big bag of le drugs.
(We ‘ave put le cunning black line oveur ‘is eye so you do not ‘ave any idea ‘oo ‘e is’)
(eh eh eh)
(‘ang on a minute…is that ‘im?)

‘Urry up’ ah say, ‘ah need le fix and ah need it now’.
‘Ho Ho Ho’ say  ‘arry le Pusheurr, ‘wait a minute I have to make a phone call’

‘What do you mean you  ‘ave to make le phone call?
You do not need to talk to anyone but me,  Imbecile’.

But l’Imbecile ignore me. Naturally ah am annoyed.
‘Give me mah fix and le bag of carrots right now’ ah shout, ‘ah am ‘oofed and dangerous’.

L’Imbecile reach ‘is paw out and put it on me, it is not supposed to ‘appen like this!
‘e still talk on les phone. ‘e is not even afraid! Ah am going to ‘ave to threaten ‘im.
‘Give me all your drugs, and carrots’ ah snarl, ‘or ah shall ‘ave to talk to L’Uncle about what to do next in this sort of situation’.

‘It’s OK Young Man’ ‘e say, ‘no need to do that, here is your fix’.
Uzzeurr Muzzeurr is glaring at me, ‘there is no need to be such a grouch,’ she say.
What would she know. ‘You are not le boss of me’ but ah whisper it so she can not ‘ear me.

Luckily at last ah get mah fix.
‘arry le Pusheur is mah new best friend.  All of le sudden, ah love everybody.

When ‘arry Le Pusheur go,  Muzzeurr  try to work out ‘ow to unwind la stocking someone as put on le lamb while ah am under l’influence.
Ah ‘ave ‘ad le lecture from Uzzeurr Muzzeurr, L’Uncle and Muzzeurr about mah attitude.
Ah do not care. They are not le boss of me.

La next thing ah know ah am being marched off to le solitary confinement and told to stay there until ah ‘be’ave mahself’; Thursday apparently.
‘arry Le Pusheur, ‘as ah lot to answer for; this was all ‘is idea.

It is Day 3 of Annus ‘orribilis but ah am not worried, any minute now le drug dealer should be ‘ere.
Ah wait for ‘im.

At last ‘e come and afteur le fix, ah need le lie down.
‘Muzzeur in le sky with carrots’ ah sing to mahself.

Ah admire le sore lamb. It do not feel so bad.

Then ah notice Muzzeurr sneaking towards me.
If ah stay ‘ere ah will be slobbeured on. Quelle ‘orreur!

La Mare all oveur le world want to slobbeurr all oveur me, even le own Muzzeurr.
Clearly ah am too ‘andsome for mah own good. Ah must get up and run for le life.

Ah try to avoid le kisses. She is coming at me, aiming right for mah nose.
Ah leap to le ‘ooves.

But le lamb ‘as gone numb. Ah ‘ave to check it is still there.

Suddenly Muzzeurr move in and start slobbeuring all oveur me, ah can not avoid it.

Ah know L’Uncle is watching and wishing she would slobbeur all oveur ‘im.
Ah wish she would too. ‘You need to ‘ave le sore lamb’ ah say to ‘im.

Suddenly ‘e get down and lie on ‘is back with all four lambs in l’air.
‘Crikey’ ‘e yell, ‘moi legs are all out of action, oi could do with a kiss, Merls’.
It is le bit extreme but this could work.

Unfortunately Muzzeurr remains attached to me lark le muppet to le bottom of le ship.

L’Uncle ‘as got to ‘is feet and ‘e staggeur over to us.
‘oi think you mean Limpet moi son’ ‘e say, ‘limpets are what attach themselves to shop bottoms, not muppets, ya Muppet’.

Ah ‘ad no idea ah was talking aloud.
It must be le drugs.