Today, quelle ‘orror, ah nearly lost mah life in le battle of la Wounded knee.

Ah decided to take on a fence – no fence can better of Le Mighty Zephyr.
Zis might look bad to you but, you should zee le fance.

‘What a brave and strong son I have’ zaid mah Muzzerr when she went to look at le scene of le fight.

‘Just look at how he took on this fence and came out alive’ she said, ‘MY son’.

‘Crikey’ zaid le Uncle, ‘is ‘air standing on end wiz le shock of it all.
At least ah zink zat iz ‘iz ‘air – if it iz not, it might be a small ‘airy porcupine.

La Uzzerr Muzzerr came out to apply sum ointment on my wounds.

Being a ‘elpful sort of ‘orze, ah lift mah leg zo she don’t ‘ave to bend zo far.
Now ah walk wiz a limp just like ‘ers.

Ah do not mind all le fuzz

She even get le ‘ose out and ‘ose it down, but ah am a brave ‘orze ‘oo does not flinch away from ‘orror.

Le sight of Uzzerr Muzzerr staring up at me showing me all ‘er teeths  iz ‘orror enough, but still ah do not move.

Besides she remind me what a brave and ‘andsome little boy ah am
and ah ‘ave to agree.

Just between you and me, she could ‘ave added zat ah am also incredibly strong and fast, not to mention brilliant.
All zees zings ah ‘ave ‘eard before of course.

But she didn’t,  zo ah limp away wiz mah wounded knee

‘Ah am off for a lie down’ ah gasp, ‘ah zimply must rest now, a wound like zis could cost me mah life you know’.

Ah lie down and prepare for death.
Bravely pointing out le cause of death to le sheeps  ‘oo ‘ave crowded around.

After ‘alf an ‘our of dying, and impressing le sheeps,
ah get bored and ‘ungry zo ah ‘ave to get up and eat somezing.

Ah did not expect to zee la two Muzzerrs laughing at me.
Zat iz not mah bottom be’ind zem.
It must be le uzzerr little ‘orze sneaking in for a quick drink.
I can not drink anyzing, mah wounds could yet prove mortal.

Today Le Uncle invent a new game we call ‘Doing Nuzzing’.

You zee, Uzzerr Muzzerr rushes out clicking er black box everytime we start galloping about.

So Le Uncle comes up wiz a brilliant plan to gallop about, but az zoon az
Uzzerr Muzzerr comes rushing out to catch le action, we be ‘Doing Nuzzing’.

And zen, when she sits down in le paddock waiting for us to do somezing,
we stand around sniffing le grass.

Ah nearly ruined it one time when ah ‘ad to release zum gas.

Le Uncle iz brilliant at Le Doing Nuzzing Game. “e even looks out into space az if he ‘as no idea Muzzerr is zere.
Muzzerr and ah keep an eye on ‘er.

One time when Uzzerr Muzzerr iz inside,
ah pick up a stick and be chasing Le Uncle and of course,
out she comes, rushing about like a speeding pullet wiz no ‘ead
zo ah stop and hold onto le stick and Do Nuzzing.

Ah just stare at ‘er and she stare back at me.

Le Uncle zaid it waz a Bonza performance.

Zen, az zoon az Uzzer Muzzerr goes back inside because of lack of action,
ah pick up mah ball and chase Le Uncle wiz it

‘Crikey’ ‘e zay, ‘I’m going walkabout’ and off ‘e go flat out round le paddock, wiz me after ‘im.

Of course, we make zo much noise sundering about zat out rushes Uzzer Muzzerr
and we all ‘ave to stand around again and Do Nuzzing.
Ah almost forget to drop le ball.

Almost.

Zo zen ah get le brilliant plan to drop to le ground and look at whatever Le Uncle iz looking at while ah am Doing Nuzzing.

Muzzerr iz standing around staring at nuzzling in particular.
Ah shut my eyes zo ah don’t get distracted.

Madame Magoo stare at me and try to make me laugh

Next minute, ah realise ah ‘ave been asleep for an ‘our and when ah look up, Muzzerr and Le Uncle are looking at me in a concerned way.…

‘Crikey’ zay Le Uncle again, ‘We thought you’d carked it for a minute there mate’.

Today ah ‘ave a black eye.
Ah ‘ave no idea ‘ow it ‘appen as ah can’t remember
but apparently surveillance cameras caught some action in le paddock.

A ‘orze, ‘oo look a lot like me, waz zeen assaulting Persil and Muzzer
on two separate occasions.

Of course it iz not me, ah would never do such a zing.

Muzzerr sure give ‘im a whopping.

As usual ah get le blame. Ah expected that. ‘It iz another little ‘orze’ ah zay, look, ah will find ‘im’. I do not know why zey do not believe me.

Ah show le photos to Gollamb and and ‘e agree, zere iz a little ‘orze
‘oo looks a lot like me ‘iding in le forest ‘oo come out and be naughty when ah am not around.
‘E zaid ‘e ‘as ‘eard about a small sheeps ‘oo do le same zing.

Muzzerr gave me zat, ‘For Gawd’s zake tell le truth’ look
when ah deny all knowledge of ‘aving been near le scene of la crime.

‘Well’, ah zay, ‘you ‘ave a stinky bottom’.

Le pooch giggle at zat one. Ah quite like ‘im, even if he do wear a pink collar.
We can’t all be fashion concious.

Even Madame Myrtle zinks ah am one funny ‘orze.

Of course, ah try not to laugh at mah own jokes.

Though sometime ah just can not ‘elp mahself and ah laugh zo ‘ard ah snort all over Muzzerr.

Zat waz when Muzzerr ask Uzzer Muzzerr to take me off ‘er ‘ooves.

Even Le Uncle was a grumpy ‘orze today. It must be le ‘eat.

It zo ‘ot later on, Madam Possovitz lay around watching surveillance TV like a big furry tart. Zat cat ‘as all la decorum of a bathroom sponge.

Even la pooch – Madame Magoo, and le cat, Monsiour Mooster share a spot under le table on le deck.
Zey are on surveillance duty. Zey appear to be on ‘igh alert.

It so ‘ot, ah feel an urge to apologise to Muzzerr.
‘Muzzerr’ ah zay, ‘Muzzerr?’

‘You ‘ave not really got a stinky be’ind’.

‘Why do ah always get le blame?’ ah ask.

‘Muzzerr, le sheeps zay le end of la world iz ‘appening next week’.

‘They zaid it ‘appen next Tuesday at 2.30pmish –
you will not even ‘ave ‘ad your dinner’

‘Muzzerr?’ now ah know she iz not listening.
She would usually be in a big panic about missing ‘er nums
because of le end of la world.

Le next zing, she turn around to Uzzerr Muzzerr and tell ‘er ah taste like le back end of a magpie. “ow does she know what le back end of a magpie taste like?
Ah ‘ave not been near any magpie’s back end.
‘What time is Num Time?’ she ask.