Le Uncle ‘ad a massage from a Fizzo Therapy Expert today.

What would she know about massaging Le Uncle?
Ah am ‘ighly suspicious of ‘er.
Luckily ah am on ‘and to tell la Masseuse what to do.

Ah am a World Renown Expert on being an Expert.
This ah know because Uzzerr Muzzerr always say so.
‘Le Uncle ‘as special needs’ ah say.

Le Uncle look worried at first and ah do not blame ‘im.

Le Masseuse ‘as got ‘im een a ‘ead lock.
Ah am quite interested een this, ‘oweveur,
ah am ready to run in case she try that on me.

Le Uncle realise ‘e ees not going to get away this time and ‘e give a big sigh.

‘Do not worry Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘ah ‘ave a plan’.

Ah decide to pick le Uncle’s rope and sneak ‘im away before she notice ‘e ‘as gone.
Eet ees a cunning plan.

Suddenly Le Uncle asks my advice on what to do. Ah am pretty sure that ees what ‘e ask,
of course eet was een Australian and ah do not understand a word of eet so
ah offeur to give ‘im mah advice anyhow.

‘Peesorf ya hairy leedle Tossa’ ‘e say.
Ah ‘ave no idea what that means.
Ah choose to assume eet ees something complimentary about mah incredible  ‘andsomeness.

‘Thank you Le Uncle,’ ah say, ‘Ah am indeed a ‘andsome little Tossa.
Now ah will rescue you’.

Suddenly Le Uncle ees released.
‘e collapse on le ground and tell everyone ‘e now need another massage…

And le next thing ah know, ah am put under a spell. Ah can not move.
Mah botterm, eet ees een a trance. Eet gravitate all by eetself towards La Masseuse..
‘Ere,’ ah say, ‘scratch mah berm’.

Le Uncle ‘as a Photo Shoot in le forest with Uzzerr Muzzerr.

‘e take ‘is posing very seriously.

‘Ah ‘ave an important question Le Uncle,’ ah say.

‘Where ‘ave all your teefs gone, Huh? huh?’

‘Blah blah hairy leedle Clown,’ ‘e say, ‘e don’t actually say Blah blah but ah am not listening to what ‘e ees saying because ah am too busy thinking about why cannibals do not eat clowns’.

‘Ees eet true, Le Uncle, that cannibals do not eat clowns because they taste funny?’.

‘Mate.’ ‘e say, ‘Stop behaving likea spastic kookaburra and pissorf’.

‘Ah understand you up to le bit about Mate,’ ah said.
Eet ees very ‘ard to understand Australian.

‘Release le teefs’

‘Your teefs are being ‘eld ‘ostage and ah am ‘ere to rescue them; open up!’

‘Bouche bée, Le Uncle, you ‘ave a ‘ole army of teefs in there!’.

‘Can ah ‘ave another look Le Uncle, let me see le teefs’.

‘What do they do all day sitting around in your mouf?’

Today ah make a plan so cleveur, you could attach a milk bar to eet
and call eet Muzzerr.

‘LE UNCLE’ ah yell, ‘ALP, ALP. ah Talking Tree ‘as abducted me and
want’s to give you a couple of wishes before ‘e release me’.

By the time ‘e rush over ah am ‘idden be’ind a tree.
‘A talking tree huh?’ he say.
Ah reply een a voice that sound just lark a talking tree,
‘Allo Monsieur, ah am a talking tree
and ah ‘ave abducted your nephew’.

Le Uncle ‘as no idea le tree ees not talking at all. Eet ees me.
‘Crikey’ ‘e say, ‘a talking tree’.

‘Yes indeed, ah am a talking tree and ah will grant you a couple of wishes,
in return for le safe passage of your nephew, what are they?’ ah say.
‘Hang on just a minute Mate,’ say Le Uncle,
‘that’s not how eet ees supposed to go’.

‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN?’ ah say in mah big tree voice,
‘Well, you big Tossa,’ ‘e say, ‘eef you abduct someone you are meant
to ask me to give you something in return for the release of the abductee’.
Thees ees news to me. Ah ‘ave to think about thees.

‘Are you sure?’ ah ask in a treely sort of way.

‘Quite sure’ ‘e say.
‘Een that case, you must give me all your abductee een return of your adorable nephew’.

‘What adorable nephew?’ ‘e say.
Ah can not believe ‘e just say that.
‘Thees one right ‘ere and ah can also
tell you ‘e ees le most ‘andsome and brave little ‘orze ah ‘ave ever met’.
Le Uncle ‘eave a big sigh, ‘e ees clearly missing me so ah feel sorry for ‘im.

Ah sneak out a bit and nudge ‘im with mah nose.
‘Le Uncle,’ ah say, ‘ eet ees me, ah am back, what ‘as been ‘appening?’

‘e can not believe ‘is nose. Ah edge forward a bit more.
‘Yes Le Uncle, eet really ees me’.

‘ah ‘ad to fight le tree and ah kill ‘im with mah iron ‘ooves and ‘ere ah am’.
Le Uncle ees clearly overjoyed to see me again.

Ah can not believe ‘e think ah was abducted by a talking tree.