Ah am to be interviewed for le day time TV…

Of course this mean ah must look le part.
Ah spend quite some time admiring le reflection in le car top.

‘Ow do ah look now Muzzeurr?’ ah ask, although this is just for formality as ah know ah am incredibly ‘andsome.

‘Son,’ she sigh, ‘you look magnificent’.

‘That is le correct answeur Muzzeurr’.

Before she can answer, la TV ‘ost is brought into le paddock by Uzzeur Muzzeur.

She introduce ‘erself to Muzzeurr and get ‘er permission to interview me.

Next, to mah chagrin, L’Uncle barge up to ‘er and tell ‘er a load of Australian rubbish.

‘That boy is bleuh bleuh  crocodile with a new hairdo’ ‘e whisper.

L’ost is also from Australia, so L’Uncle chat away in that ridiculous language, and she actually understand ‘im! Now ‘e will neveur shut up.
Something must be done and ah am l’orze to do it.

‘Excuse moi,’ ah say, ‘ah believe you are ‘ere to interview moi’.

She is filming le selfy with me as ah talk about mah life and world peace.
ah do not mind.

Ah do not really talk about world peace;
ah am interested in whether she ‘ave any carrot for me though.

Ah stare meaningfully into le camera lens.
‘Ah do not get out of le bed,’ ah explain, ‘for less than le bag of les carrot’.

Then, as suddenly as it begin, l’interview is oveur and ah am left distraught and carrotless and wondering what ‘appen. Surely that can not be all.
Ah am told, Reality TV go on for eveur.
Muzzeur, she could ‘ave ‘er own show also, ah am thinking –
‘Real ‘orzewives of le Paddock’.
‘Come back’ ah plead, but it is no use. She ‘as gone.