Ah spend le night chatting with le ‘orze next door,
so naturally when Uzzeur Muzzeur come to take off mah jacquet, ah was not ready to get up.

Ah lay back down to emphasize mah exhaustion.
‘Go away’, ah beg, ‘ah am ‘aving le sleep een’.
Le sun ees warm and ah am comfortable.

Le Uncle ‘ear me. ‘Bleuh bleuh up ya lazy Gobshite’ ‘e say.

But ah do not listen to ‘im. ‘e ees Australian and ‘e ees een le nude’.
‘oo do you theenk you are – ‘oof ‘efner? Ralph ‘arris?’
We ‘ear all sorts of news een le paddock. eh eh eh.

‘Ah am exhausted Uzzeur Muzzeur,’ ah say. ‘Do not make me get up’.

Le Uncle look back at me. ‘There’s a word for horses like you.’

‘Really Le Uncle? What word would that be?’.
Ah doubt ‘e ‘as just one word for a ‘orze lark me. Eh eh eh.

‘Hairy leedle Pooftah springs to moind’ say Le Uncle.

As usual, ‘e ‘as got eet all wrong.
The word you look for ees Poufteuh Le Uncle’.
Being Australian, ‘e ‘as no idea about le pronounciation, or ‘ow to count.

Uzzeur Muzzeur ees fussing around me lark a one armed Morris Danceur. She ‘as managed to remove mah jacquet and make me comfortable. Ah go back to sleep.

Suddenly ah am rudely awakened by le clomping of enormous ‘ooves. Sacre Bleuh! ees eet an earthquake? ah think.

But no, eet ees Muzzeur and she ees stomping towards me.

Ah am sensing le beeg trouble.

‘Zephyr,’ she shriek, ‘it is high time you got up’.

‘Euh Muzzeur,’ ah groan, ‘Please do not make me get up, ah think ah may ‘ave a touch of le flueh’.

‘Don’t be such a silly little boy,’ she say, ‘Get up out of bed so your Other Mother can remove your jacket’.

Ah wonder eef ah should continue to lie ‘ere, or get up and ‘ave a fart with Le Uncle.
I lark to fart, but ah also lark to lie een le sunshine.

‘Go on, Get Up Out of Bed!’
Muzzeur ‘ave ‘er ”ah mean business’ look about ‘er now.

Ah ‘eave mahself to mah feets.
Uzzeur Muzzeur ees waving ‘er arms and legs around doing le ‘ighland Fling.
She look even more stupeed than normal.
eh eh eh.