Quelle ‘orreur, today a most ‘orrible thing ‘appen.
Muzzer and Le Uncle ‘ave absconded to le paddock next door leaving me be’ind to look after le senile Monsieur Patterson.

Ah call out to Muzzerr. ‘Muzzerr,’ ah say, ‘you seem to ‘ave forgotten me, your only son’.
But she ignore me and continue with ‘er ‘oovering.

Ah am very upset. Ah decide that ah will die now, then she will be sorry and come back.
Ah collapse to le ground.

‘Look Muzzerr’ ah yell, ‘ah am dead now so you ‘ad better come back’.
And ah roll about a bit groaning and moaning before lying still.

Then ah try anuzzerr position to be dead in.

It ees not very comfortable being dead.

Beside ah notice,  Muzzerr, she ees taking no notice at all!

So ah get up and ah gallop off and throw what Le Uncle call ‘a right wobbly’.

Ah can not believe they ‘ave forgotten me already.

Ah will show them. Ah am a war ‘orze and a war ‘orze need ‘is milk.

Ah stomp up and down le fence line.
Ah am a very impressive ‘orze.

Then ah see Monsieur Paterson, ‘e ‘as decided to try being dead.

Ah go over and tell ‘im ‘ow to do eet properly.

But ‘e ees ‘opeless at eet. ‘e ‘as no idea ‘ow to be dead.
‘You can not sit up eef you are being dead’ ah say helpfully.

‘e get to ‘is ‘oofs and ‘e tell me to buggeur off.

‘Can you do le spinach walk‘ ah yell.

The ah show ‘im mah peooff. Ah think  ‘e ‘as a very impressed look on ‘is face.

‘Now listen here,’ ‘e say, ‘dat is a simply brilliant piaffe, a horse like you should be in da Olympics no doubt about it’.
(at least ah think that what ‘e say – ah do not understand le Irish and ‘e ‘ad a ‘ole lot more to say about  ‘ow brilliant, ‘andsome and clever ah am)

But ah am too busy practicing le Spinach Walk again to listen to ‘im.


‘ah can also do le passage’ ah yell. Ah ‘ave been reading up on le dressage and ah know eet all. But Monsieur Paterson stick ‘is nose in le air.

‘Dats all a load of old bollocks’ he say, and ‘e stamp ‘is ‘oof.
‘What Oi tink is important’, ‘e say, ‘is how fast you can get to da watering hole’.

So ah then demonstrate mah turbo powered gallop.

Before slowing to a dignified canter in front of Uzzerr Muzzerr ‘oo ‘as been watching also.
‘Oh my poor little man’ she say, ‘are you OK?’
But ah ‘ave forgotten what ah am supposed to be not OK about.