Thanks to Muzzerr’s Early Warning Carrot Radar Detector System (EWCRDS),
we were able to be alert to their presence as soon as mah Dad walk past us.

‘e should know by now, ‘e cannot enteur le paddock without a thorough inspection

Imagine mah surprise, when on inspecting each of ‘is many pockets,
no carrot turn up!
Not a one! Nada! Zip! Rien!

‘ave you got le carrots? ah demand of Uzzerr Muzzerr ‘oo eez ‘iding be’ind ‘er clicky black box as usual.
Because ah can see you, you know.

Do not ask me ‘oo want to know, just ‘and them over or …..

Suddenly Dad is doing some trick what make me go all gooey. Ah forget all about le carrots.

‘e should go to Mongolia and teach all le Mongol warriors ‘ow to do this ah think.
Then there would be no more wars.

No really, even le Ghengis Khan would stop cutting peoples ‘eads off and go all gooey.

What le ‘ell, ‘e would say, ah will not cut your ‘ead off
if you will just tickle me.

What do you mean Ghengis Khan is dead? When did ‘e die?
Nobody tell me.

Are you sure? or ees this just something you got off le internet?
Not everything you read on that ees true you know.

Ah must ask Le Uncle about this.
‘e told me ‘e fart along  with entire Ghengis Khan army.

But first ah must ask mah Dad to continue,

Do not give up now ah say, not if you want to live.

Then ah realise what ah just said out loud and ah ‘ope no one ‘ear it.

Quelle ‘orreur, ah spy Le Uncle giving me le ‘oly Crap Look.

‘Holy Crap’ say Le Uncle, and then something about a no ‘oper ‘airy leedel galah.

Of course ‘ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about. As usual ah ignore ‘im.
Ah ‘ave stuff to do.

Today Le Uncle Persil awarded me an award for bravery and brilliance in le Paddock…
It all started when ah discovered ah was being followed so ah dealt to mah saboteur…

‘You silly hairy little boy’ said Muzzerr, ‘that was your shadow’.

‘Mah shadow?’ ah say.
What would Muzzerr know.

No, seriously, she does not know about such dangerous stuff.

As if ah, Lord LubbaDuck,  would waste mah time on a mere shadow.

Eet was not mah shadow.

Ah talk to Le Uncle about eet and ‘e agree wiz me.

At least ah zink ‘e did. Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e zay actually.

It sound like zis…Blah blah, heery leeddle drongo, blah blah few kangarooz loose in tha top paddock blah blah.

Ah may ‘ave mentioned to Muzzerr zat Le Uncle agree there is something dangerous in le paddock

Suddenly before ah can explain that there ees no need
to worry because fortunately ah a’ve vanquished eet, she panic.

‘If your Uncle say this, we must do something’ she yell.

Ah run after ‘er .

Mah intention were to tell ‘er not to worry but ah am ‘aving too much fun.
Ah may ‘ave embellished le truth somewhat.

‘We better run’ Muzzerr ah zay.

‘Quickly, or le big monster will get us’.

Ah do not know what got into me, ah could not ‘elp mahself. “‘e ‘as big fangs and glowing eyes’ ah say.

Now Muzzerr is in a right state.

Suddenly Le Uncle stops ‘er in ‘er tracks.
‘Don’t leesen to that leedle moron’ ‘e say, ‘he’s being a deekhead’.
Unfortunately Muzzerr understands Australian and suddenly ah am een big trouble.
Ah do not know what ‘e said exactly but ah ‘ave a feeling ‘e pointed out le lack of monsters in le paddock.

Later on ah am showing Le Uncle mah fighting moves

‘e award me a special award for mah bravery.
Eet eez Le order of Le ‘airy Tossa
‘e tell me there are very few ‘orzes ‘e know of  zat ‘ave this one.

We ‘ad a Refugee problem in le paddock.

Muzzerr and ah were eating our ‘ay and ah find a moose.

‘Look’ ah say to Muzzerr, ‘zere is mooses in le ‘ay’.

‘Mooses?’ say Muzzerr and she give le Uncle ‘er perturbed look.

‘yes’ ah reply, ‘and they ‘as run up your jacket’

‘But do not panic, ah will get zem out’.

So ah go on a moose ‘unt up Muzzerr’s jacket collar.

‘Come out leetle mooses’ ah zay.

“Crikey’ say Le Uncle, ‘wasn’t Mooses responsible for building a big boat
and populating it with a load of refugees?’

For once Le Uncle is sounding quite interesting but as usual,
ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about.
Ah put on mah Quite Interested’ look.

Muzzerr looks even more worried now.
‘What do you think he is doing up my jacket?’

‘Probably looking for somewhere to offload the refugees’
Say Le Uncle. ‘Tell him to Bugger Off’ ‘e adds thoughtfully.
Being Australian, ‘e ‘as an answer for everyzing.

‘Don’t worry,’ ah say, ‘ah ‘ave got a ‘andle on eet’.
And ‘ah ‘ave. Right ‘ere. A big red one.

“Well,’ says Muzzerr ‘Thank Goodness for my son’.

‘He is a very clever, brave and  hairy little boy’.

Ah am not a ‘airy little boy and no Mooses will get past me.