Arse Gas

 

Today ah lost mah legs all of a zudden.
Muzzerr, Muzzerr, I call, look, ah ‘ave no legs any more.IMG_6265

Le Uncle Persil looked worried, No legs mate? He say, don’t worry mate, you’ll float well when it rains.
I ‘ave no idea what ‘e means. ‘E iz always saying stupid zings.
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Muzzerr told me not to be such a silly boy. She always saying stupid stuff too.
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Ah am not a zilly boy, but ah did find mah legs again –
zey were underneath me all along.
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Muzzerr, ah zaid, Muzzerr…
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No need to worry muzzerr, look, ah found mah legs.
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She take no notice of me, Ah zink she grumpy again zo ah decide to be quiet and do what she does.
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Le only trouble waz, ah zuddenly notice Le Uncle’s Bottom
and ah ‘ave to take a closer look.
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Zat gets mah Muzzerr going again. ‘STOP IT’ she yell, ‘back away from his behind’.
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‘Crikey’, zaid le Uncle, ‘oo iz still Australian,
‘I wasn’t aware that my arse was so dangerous’.
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And zat iz when ah got le idea to pretend to die of exposure to Le Uncle’s ‘arse’ gas.
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And once again Le Uncle is banned from ‘aving anyzing to do wiz me.
I wazn’t even really dead.
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Le Great Escape…

Last night ah snuck out of le paddock to meet zum of mah new invisible friendsIMG_6211
Zey politely invite me to join zem to party in le paddock next door…
’ow could ah refuse?
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Ah fuel up and zen ah wait til Le Uncle and my Muzzerr were alseep and …
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Ah let mahself out of le paddock uzing a top secret technique zat ah can not tell you about or else (according to Le Uncle ‘oo knows about such zings)
ah’ would ‘ave to kill you.
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By la time mah Muzzerr stop stuffing ‘er face and realise ah ‘ad gone it waz too late
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Ah was stealthily creeping along le next door paddock fence line looking for mah invisible friends
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Being invisible, means they are ‘ard to find so ah stopped and chatted to le sheeps
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But ah can not understand a word zey zay.
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Pretty zoon it morning and ah still ‘ave not found mah friends –
zey are invisible you zee.
Zen along comes my Uzzer Muzzerr and she does not look too ‘appy to see me out and about exploring.
I wander over to ‘er and demand a massage since she zere and zen she escorts me back through the gate to my Muzzerr ‘oo waz very relieved to zee me
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My Son! She zay and she startz zlobbering all over me. It get very embarrassing.
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Zen le rest of le day she does not let me out of ‘er sight
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Ah can’t go anywhere wizout ‘er zo ah spend zum time looking at ‘er armpits – she ‘ates it when ah do zis.
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Stop it she zay, get out of there you hairy little boy.
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Ah am not a ‘airy little boy, bezides ah am going to break out again tonight zo ah practise dying’  oping zen she will go away.
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But every time ah look up to check…
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She there, right be’ind me.
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And what is worse, she now ‘as le Uncle guarding me from la front…
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Fun & Games with le sheeps

Today, we visited all le sheeps ‘oo are in my old paddock.
Bedlamb and Le Uncle Persil are old friends so zey ‘ad a chat …IMG_6072

before Le Uncle got all silly and showed off some of ‘iz ‘ip ‘op moves.
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well ah got le giggles when ah zaw zat and ah could not stop laughing.
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Le Uncle Persil look so zilly every time ah look at ‘im ah laugh zum more…
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Zen ah zaw zumzing else zat crack me up –
my ‘Dad’ in la paddock trying to encourage le sheeps to do zynchronized zwimming practice. Even Lambo iz aztounded.
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Zo of course, even though ah try not to, zat zets me off again…
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Zat iz, until my Muzzerr start up, zen zings are not funny any more, just embarressing.
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Eventually ah decide it exercise time…
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Ah run zo fast mah ‘Dad’ and Lambo left wondering what just passed zem.
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Zen ah zlow down and prance about for a bit like a show pony…
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But zat getz boring and ah am a race ‘orze zo ah gallop faster zan a mistletoe …
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Ah gallop zo fast around Myrtle and The Good Sheep Lollypop, zay zink it iz le ‘adron Collider gone past.
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Le Uncle Persil got all bouncy …
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but ah use mah tail like a propeller and now ah almost fly…
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Mah Muzzerr try to keep up but ah am far too fast for ‘er.
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Le sheeps now calling me Le God Particle. (Zey all read Scientific American)
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Finally mah batteries run flat and ah need to recharge.
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Mah Muzzerr make sure ah don’t over charge and explode.
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