Today ah lost mah legs all of a zudden.
Muzzerr, Muzzerr, I call, look, ah ‘ave no legs any more.

Le Uncle Persil looked worried, No legs mate? He say, don’t worry mate, you’ll float well when it rains.
I ‘ave no idea what ‘e means. ‘E iz always saying stupid zings.

Muzzerr told me not to be such a silly boy. She always saying stupid stuff too.

Ah am not a zilly boy, but ah did find mah legs again –
zey were underneath me all along.

Muzzerr, ah zaid, Muzzerr…

No need to worry muzzerr, look, ah found mah legs.

She take no notice of me, Ah zink she grumpy again zo ah decide to be quiet and do what she does.

Le only trouble waz, ah zuddenly notice Le Uncle’s Bottom
and ah ‘ave to take a closer look.

Zat gets mah Muzzerr going again. ‘STOP IT’ she yell, ‘back away from his behind’.

‘Crikey’, zaid le Uncle, ‘oo iz still Australian,
‘I wasn’t aware that my arse was so dangerous’.

And zat iz when ah got le idea to pretend to die of exposure to Le Uncle’s ‘arse’ gas.

And once again Le Uncle is banned from ‘aving anyzing to do wiz me.
I wazn’t even really dead.