Today we ‘eard a ‘uge bang on le uzzer zide of le world.
Le Uncle raced off to find out what waz going on.

‘There’s been a Meteor strike in Russia,’ said Lambo, ‘oo knows everything.

‘You wouldn’t want a meteor to land on your head,’ said Moulamb.
She often zay dumb zings, why would a Meteor want to land on ‘er ‘ead?

I asked, ‘Why would le Meteors want to go on strike? Do zey not get paid enough?’

Gollamb agreed, we often have intelligent conversations like zis.
‘e iz a very smart sheeps.

‘Maybe one of zem waz treated unfairly’ I zaid, in a very knowledgeable way.

‘Muzzerr’, ah zaid, ‘Did you know le meteors are on strike?’
She ‘ad no idea. Where do zay live?’ I ask ‘er but she ignore me as usual.

Zen ah noticed zat Muslamb and la Good Sheep Lollypop ‘ad swapped la false teeths.

Quelle ‘orror!
Ah’ad to take a second look.

Zen Le Uncle notices le false teeths.

And zen ’e notice me staring.
‘Crikey‘ e zay,
‘You’ll make your Mother as cross as a frog in a sock if you don’t behave yourself’.

A frog in a sock – ‘oo goes around putting frogs in socks.
Ah ask Le Uncle where to find a meteor.

‘Mate’, ‘e zay, ‘You want to check your Mother’s undercarriage,
I’m pretty sure ah noticed a Meteor hanging out there earlier.

Ah ‘ave to be stealthy, but if mah Muzzerr iz ‘iding a Meteor in ‘er undercarriage, ah am going to find it.
‘That’s it Mate’ urges Le Uncle, ‘it’s under there somewhere’.

‘Ah can’t find one’ ah yell to Le Uncle, but ‘e ‘az mysteriously disappeared.

Muzzerr stalks off to give le Uncle a ‘Gobful’.

‘E must ‘ave sweet talked ‘er though because next zing ah know zay are doing la ‘oovering together.

Zen, one mah most favourite peoples came over to introduce me to a big ‘orze eating monster. Mah Uzzer Muzzer ‘angs on to mah muzzer and mahzelf while le Monster opens ‘iz jaws.

And zen she try to encourage me to walk into la mouth of le monster.
It ’as already swallowed ‘alf of mah Muzzerr zo ah am not keen at all.

Mah Uzzer Muzzer ‘and me over to Le Aunty Jenny,
‘oo apparently iz better at persuading ‘orzes to be eaten.

Le Aunty Jenny explain zat being eaten up by zis big monster iz apparently not such a bad zing.Ah am not zo sure.

Just pop your foot up here she zay and try standing on the monsters lip.
Le monster ‘as ‘ad botox and it feel funny under mah ‘oof.
Ah eventually put mah two front feet onto Monster lip and zen ah am allowed to walk back out.
Ah get loads of praise for being a brave ‘orze and we decide zat iz enough of being eaten up for today.

Ah am a very brave ‘orze.

Today ah am being on my best behavior. All day.

Ah do everyzing Le Uncle does.|

Le Uncle tells me ah am being a STORKER!

‘Ah am not a Storker’ ah zay, ‘look ah ‘ave no wings’.

‘What do you mean a Storker iz not a bird? What iz eet zen?’
and ah am shocked to ‘ear what is eez.

Ah ask la cat if ah look like a stalker.
La cat tell me zat if ah do not know le answer to zis,
she ‘as not le time to explain it to me.
I guess she doez not want to be late for ‘er afternoon snooze.

‘Am ah a STALKER?’ Ah ask  Partly Bluett; ‘e iz a very old le pooch.
“e iz zo old ‘iz eyes roll around in iz ‘ead.

Ah ask Madame Magoo, “Am ah a STALKER  Mz Magoo?” ah ask.
She zeem to ‘ave no idea what ah am talking about.
‘Huh?” she zaid, ‘Huh?’ Zen she keep asking me if ah ‘ave a ball.

Do ah look like ah ‘ave a ball? Just between you and me, Mz Magoo is an idiot.

Zen ah ask le son of Magoo,  but ah cannot understand a word ‘e zay,
although ‘e zay it over and over again loud enough to deafen everyone within hearing.

Quite frankly all Le pooches talk a load of old woofle.

Now come to zink of eet, ah zink Le Uncle zaid ah am a CORKER bloke.
Zis explain everyzing.
Corker, e zaid, CORKER.
‘e ‘as to get zat stupeed Australian accent zeen to.

It iz three months since ah waz rudely expelled from mah Muzzerr’s womb.

‘Muzzerr’, ah zay, ‘why waz ah expelled?’

But she ignore me zo ah pull ‘er tail… ‘Muzzerr?’

Zen ah ‘ear Le Uncle calling to me. ‘What?’ Ah zay, ‘ah can’t ‘ear you?’

‘e iz buzy trying to tell me zumzing silently zo Muzzerr won’t ‘ear.
Ah ‘ave no idea what it iz ‘e iz zaying.

Zo ah ignore ‘im and start to play bouncy wiz mah Muzzerr.
She ‘ates it when ah do zis.

Le Uncle rushes over and drags me off to one zide.
‘e iz always doing zis.

‘Maaate’, ‘e zays, ‘don’t hassle your Mother’..

‘But Le Uncle, zumbody ‘as to’ ah zay.

‘Listen here, you happy little vegemite’ ‘e zays, ‘Use the clodhoppers and give the better half a fair crack of the whip’.

Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e is talking about, ‘e ‘as gone all Australian on me.

Zo ah tell ‘im ah don’t speak English.
Ah may ‘ave mentioned zomething about ‘im being a big Aussie git.

And zen; ah can’t ‘elp mahself; ah ‘ave to bite ‘is bum.

Ah cleverly pretend it waz nothing to do with me

And zen, az an experiment, ah bite it again.

Luckily, just as le Uncle waz about to “Chuck a spaz and throw me over the Barbie”;

My Dad decided to go for a gallop around le paddock.

Zis iz weird, ah thought, iz zomezing chasing ‘im?

Ah look but ah can’t zee anyzing.

Zo ah catch up to ‘im and ask ‘im…
’Dad’, ah zay, ‘why are you galloping about like an idiot?’
But ‘e iz stupeed and ‘as no idea what ah am zaying.
Ah zink about breaking it down into zimple words but
Ah really can’t be arsed. If ‘e does not understand french, what problem of mine iz it?

Luckily by le time all zis ‘as ‘appened, Muzzerr ‘as forgotten to be mad at me and ah am ‘opeful for a drink.

And Le Uncle ‘as forgiven me for being a “Tinny short of a six pack”
‘Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e is on about.