Le Uncle and ah are back in le paddock where ah first arrived.
Eet ees just ‘im and me.
This ees because of somebody ‘oo ees called Guy Fawkes ‘oo
might explode in le paddock. Ah would lark to see that.
Muzzerr as gone to a spa to get away from me for a bit.

Eet ees very boring staying with le Uncle, ‘e sleep a lot because ‘e eat too much.

Ah pull ‘is ear to wake ‘im up.

Of course ‘e does not realise eet ees me ‘oo pull ‘is ear, ah am too cleveur for that.
Ah race around beside ‘im as ‘e try to wake up and start my morning stretches.

‘Gud Moaning to you Le Uncle’.

Ah do mah yoga every morning. This is le Farting Dog pose.

‘e does not seem to ‘ave any intention of getting up, but we shall see about that.

Ah start by giving ‘im a vigorous massage.

‘Le Uncle’ ah say, ‘look what ah just found,
ah think eet ees a tiny saddle, right ‘ere’.

Le Uncle ignore me and go back to sleep, so ah wake ‘im up.

Ah bite ‘is chops.

‘PISSORF yahairy leedletossa’ ‘e say.
But ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e means, eet ees een Australian
so ah ignore ‘im.

‘Le Uncle’, ah say, ‘you ‘ave a phone call from Muzzerr’.
That woke ‘im up.
Of course, ‘e does not ‘ave a
phone call from Muzzerr, ‘e ‘as not even got a telephone.

But ‘e so sleepy ‘e ‘as not realised so ah continue.

‘She want to make sure you are playing with me’ ah say.
‘Eef you do not, she will come ‘ome and whup your bottom’.

‘Le Uncle, are you listening to me?’

Le Uncle start yelling at me in Australian.
‘e does not sound too complimentary.
Ah am ‘urt.

Ah start to cry. Ah can not ‘elp eet. Ah sniff and ah sob all over ‘im
and suddenly ‘e ees le one feeling bad.

We ‘ave a big ‘ug and make up. ‘Ah love you Le Uncle’ ah say.
‘Keep that to yerself son,’ growl Le Uncle.

Apparently, een Australia, geldings lark mahself and Le Uncle
do not tell each other they love each other,
but ah am french so ah say eet again, only louder and this time ah kiss ‘im.
‘e ‘ate eet when ah do thees.

Ah can not ‘elp mahself. Ah am going een for a big kiss,
ah am a stealthy leedle ‘orze so at first Le Uncle,
‘e ‘as no idea what ah am about to do.

Ah give ‘im a big french kiss on le chops. MMMMWAAAH.

Then, to show ‘im that was a ‘blokey’ type of kiss,
ah throw mah leg around ‘im een a blokey’ sort of casual way.
At least ah am ‘oping that ees what eet ees.

Only some’ow things go wrong and ah seem to be stuck.

Thees ees awkward.

Ah am not sure what to do now.

So ah ‘ave to ask Le Uncle.
‘Le Uncle,’ ah say, this ees awkward, you seem to ‘ave stuck to me’.

‘Fer Chrisakes’ ‘e say and ‘e sigh a big sigh.

‘Oh well, at least while ah am ‘ere ah might as well sing you a song,
ah will sing Walking Matihlda,’ ah announce, ‘e will lark that, eet ees Australian you know. Ah clear mah throat…

Without realising eet ‘ah am doing le Spinach walk in time to mah song.
Ah am le best Spinach Walker een le ‘ole Paddock.

And all of a sudden,  ah am free.
‘You are so beautiful to meeeeeeee’, ah sing.

‘Thank you, you’re beautiful’.

Monsieur Paterson, ‘oo ees a big pig, ate too much grass so ‘e ‘ad to lie down and sleep eet off.
Of course, because ah am a polite french ‘orze, naturally ah join ‘im so ‘e will not be lonely.

Ah may ‘ave eaten a bit much too.

Thees ees when Uzzerr Muzzerr decide to come and pay ‘er respects.
Of course, ah nimbly spring to mah feets.

Ah ‘ave to rock about a bit to get some momentum, ah am at mah maximum loading capacity…

And then ah am up.
‘Greetings Muzzerr,’ ah say, ‘you will not mind eef ah sit ‘ere for a bit? –
‘ere you can sit beside me, right ‘ere’

As she make no move to sit, ah get to mah feets and sigh ‘eavily.
‘What can ah do for you, Uzzerr Muzzerr,’ ah say.
Of course ah ‘ave no intention of doing anything for ‘er
but ah say eet because ah am a polite ‘orze.

Monsieur Paterson ees too busy stuffing ‘is face to say anything for once,
besides, ‘e ‘as ‘airy trouseurs on. Ah would never trust the word of a ‘orze ‘oo wear ‘airy trouseur

Ah mean look at them.

French ‘orzes know better than to go out and squeeze into 2 pair of ‘airy trouseur.

Of course, Monsieur Paterson, ees Irish, ‘e does not know any betteur.

Even Le Uncle, ‘oo ees Australian, would not be seen dead een such a fashion impediment. Ah must talk to ‘im about dribbling een public.

Suddenly, Monsieur Paterson, ‘e spot a ‘oly Crap.
Ah ‘ave not seen one of those een a long time.
‘B’Jaysus,’ ‘e say, ‘would ya take a look at dat’.

So ah do. Obviously, ah am le bravest ‘orze in le ‘ole paddock
and ah know a ‘oly Crap when ah see one.

‘QUELLE ‘ORREOUR!!!‘, ah shriek, as le ‘oly Crap suddenly leap up in le air.

‘What is it?’ ask Monsieur Paterson. Ah am able to inform ‘im that eet ees a ‘oly Crap, but ah secretly wish Le Uncle was ‘ere, ‘e would know what to do.

Monsieur Paterson and ah ‘ide be’ind a tree. No ‘oly Crap can see us ‘ere.
‘We must be very careful,’ ah say.

After an ‘our or two, ‘eet does not moved any more. So, being a very brave ‘orze, ah go to investigate.
Monsieur Paterson stay be’ind me as ‘backup’.

Le ‘oly Crap ‘as died.
‘Do not worry Monsieur Paterson, ah yell,
‘ah ‘ave dealt a mortal blow to Le ‘oly Crap, ‘e will not try that again’.
That will teach ‘im. No ‘oly Crap will get le betteur of  Zephyr Soprano.

Apparently, eet ees time for me to leave ‘ome.

Ah kiss Muzzerr tenderly Good Bye.

‘Adieu Muzzerr,’ ah say. ‘Eet ‘as been nice knowing you but now ah must be a Big Boy’.

Muzzerr, she try not to sob. Ah can tell.
It can not be easy saying Good Bye to me.

Even Le Uncle, ‘oo ees Australian ‘as a tear in ‘is eye.

Eet ees a tender moment.
‘Adieu Muzzerr,’ ah cry again, but she ees too busy sobbing into ‘er noms.

So ah check out mah reflection in le water bouquet.
‘Water water in le bowl,’oo is le most ‘andsome of them all?’

Naturally, eet ees still me, ah do not need a Water Bouquet to tell me that.

Ah wander over and check out Monsieur Patersons ‘aliotosis.

Eet could still knock out a camel at 40 paces.
Le Uncle told me that.

‘Monsieur Paterson’, ah say, ‘eet ees a shame there are no camels around ‘ere. Ah would be quite interested to see one knocked out by your ‘aliotosis’.

Then we both bid Le Uncle and Muzzerr a fond farewell…

Before walking off to le uzzerr end of le paddock.