Today eet was cold and le sky leaked all over me.
Eet did not leak on Le Uncle because ‘e was dressed for eet.
Uzzerr Muzzerr rushed out just before le sky leakage, een a big panic and made ‘im wear ‘is rain coat.

Of course ah am a big boy now ‘oo need no rain coat. Rain Coats are for le ‘orzes ‘oo are beeg ‘Pooftas’. Le Uncle told me that – before ‘e ‘ad to wear ‘is.

Naturally,  thees ah point out to ‘im.

And suddenly, through no fault of mah own, ah am een beeg trouble.
‘COME’ERE AND SAY THAT you Hairy Leetle Tossa’ Le Uncle roar.
Ah was about to point out that ah was just there but suddenly,  Le Uncle try to bite mah berm’.

Le only thing ah can do ees run. Ah run as fast as ah can.

Finally ah am out of le forest and into le open. Le Uncle will never catch me ‘ere.

Next thing ah know, Le Uncle ees right een front of me, so naturally, ah decide to crash into ‘im to test le air bags een ‘is rain coat.

But Quelle ‘orreur, there are no air bags and eet ‘urt!
Ah am really mad now.

Le Uncle and ah fart eet out.
‘Where are your air bags Le Uncle?’ ah yell.

‘E try to get away on me but ah ‘ang on to ‘is collar.
‘Show me your air bag’ ah yell.
We are ‘aving a big fart over le missing air bags.

Suddenly ‘e stop and face me.
‘What tha bloody hell are you on about air bags son?’ ‘e ask.
‘Le Air Bags for when you ‘ave a crash’ ah say ‘Uzzer Muzzerr tell me all ‘elderlies’ should ‘ave them’.
Well that does eet, now ah am een for le big lecture.

Ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees trying to say because ‘e ees Australian and can not talk properly. So ah put on mah listening face but ah am thinking about why ‘e ‘ave big whiskers growing out of ‘is nose.

On and on ‘e go.  ‘e probably giving me a lecture all about Drop Bears and Kangaroos. Ah ‘ave no idea but ‘e does ‘ave long whiskers.
Ah wonder eef ah should pull them out for ‘im.

Suddenly Uzzer Muzzer come over and we decide to ask ‘er about le missing air bags.
All she want to know ees why we are farting so much.

Apparently there ‘as been some kind of mistake.
Le Uncle does not wear air bags.
Ah wonder eef there are any Drop Bears ‘ere.

Ah am a ‘appy ‘orze.

Today, eet ees mah birthday, ah am one year old now. Officially ah am a Yearling.

As ah am an Old Yearling now, ah can sleep een.

Ah do not ‘ave to get up for my Noms, they come to me.

A ‘ole box of le carrots arrive from mah Aunt en Wellington.
They ‘ave label on them that say these are very poisonous to all ‘orzes except One Year Old ‘orzes.

Of course, there ees only one one year old ‘orze een
thees paddock so there ees no ‘urry to get up.

Eet ees, ‘oweveur,  time to get up and eat carrot.

Le Uncle ees still asleep, ah must wake ‘im so ah can brag about mah carrots.
Ah try out mah new ‘alloween mask.

Then ah find a stick and ah sneak up on ‘im.

‘e ‘as no idea ah am right ‘ere.

Ah carefully tickle ‘im with mah stick.

‘e ‘as no idea eet ees me, ah am too cleveur for that.

‘E still snoring so ah prod ‘im  arder .

Suddenly ‘e wake up and ah get a fright and drop mah stick.
‘e look a bit grumpy to me.

What ees that?
What are you talking about Le Uncle, ah would
neveur poke you with a big stick.

Ah ‘ave le box of carrot  Le Uncle.

But unfortunately for you, you can not ‘ave any carrot because they are
poisonous to ‘orzes ‘oo are not 1 year old exactly.
Eh eh eh, eet ees ‘ard to stop laughing out loud as ah say thees.

Finally, ah can not ‘elp mahself. Ah laugh so ‘ard ah nearly fall over.

That ees le joke you see, Le Label eet ees not real.

Le Uncle ‘as no idea, ‘e think ‘e can not eat any of them…
Some’ow though le ‘ole box got eaten.
‘appy birthday to me. Ah must ‘ave more of them.

Ah ‘ad a bit of a shock today.

Ah was ‘aving mah afternoon ‘Power Nap’.

Eet was so nice and warm and ah was dreaming about les girls next door.

‘ey Girls,’ ah say, een mah dream. ‘See mah friend over there?’ ah am pointing to Le Uncle; ‘e wants to know eef you think ah am ‘andsome’.

Of course, eet ees mah dream so they all agree that they ‘ave never seen such a ‘andsome ‘orze.

Then when ah wake up, there ees a fashion challenged man staring right at me.
That ees a shock een eetself.

‘Are you feeling a little Grass Affected?’ ‘e say.
That does eet, no Grass affect me. Ah am no Grassaholic.
Ah get up.

‘Ah see you may be le one ‘oo ees Grass Affected’ ah say.

‘Kindly remove your ‘at een mah presence’ ah add.

Ah remove eet for ‘im as eet ees clear ‘e ees
another imbecile ‘oo ‘as no idea ‘ow to take ‘is ‘at off.

‘There,’ ah say. ‘ah am a ‘at removal specialist’,
and eet ees then that ah get le shock of mah larf.

‘QUELLE ORREUR!!!’ ah gasp, ‘you ‘ave no mane!’

‘ah understand why you wear eet now,’ ah say kindly
and ah put eet back on ‘im.

‘Ah ‘ad no idea,’ ah tell ‘im.
Ah think ‘e forgive me.