Quelle ‘orreur, ah ‘ave mah primordial Aunt Roz ees visiting and ah ‘ave been
threatened with all sorts of torture eef ah do not be’ave mahself.

Le problem with le elderly Aunts ees they always want to kiss me.

And they say things lark, ‘‘oo ‘as been a good boy then’, and ‘‘asn’t ‘e grown up’.
Ah want an Aunt ‘oo say interesting stuff.

‘ere she come now.

‘Hello young man’ she say; so far so good ah think.

And then ‘ere eet come… ‘Give us a great big kiss’ she say.
And ah ‘ave to kiss ‘er ‘airy lips.

Actually eet isn’t too bad. Ah give ‘er another one

Then all of a sudden she ees exclaiming over mah ‘mutton chops’
and reliving ‘er boyfriends in le days of le ‘ippies

‘You look just like one of my ex’s!’ she exclaim.
‘He had big hairy mutton chops just like yours’.
Ah cannot believe what ah just ‘ear. Ah am een shock.
Eet ees too much information for mah digestion.

Ah am going to ‘ave to learn to shave immediately.

Bonjour! There ees great excitement in le paddock.
We ‘ave shifted paddocks again and…

an imposteur ‘as infiltrated  le paddock.
‘e ees very ‘airy.  Ah suspect ‘e may be mah father.

Le Uncle ‘ad a talk to me about le dangeur of le ‘imposteur’.

‘Listen up Sport’ ‘e say, ‘you need to stay away from the hairy imposter.’
Of course, ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about and Le Imposteur looks
quite interesting, and, ‘e ees very ‘airy.

Le Uncle ees going on and on een Australian and ah am thinking about
‘ow come sheep don’t shrink in le rain. Ah often think about thees.

Suddenly Le Uncle stops le speech and bellows for Muzzerr.
‘Merlot!’ ‘e yell, ‘you talk some sense into the boy will ya’.

Muzzerr looks up from ‘er ‘oovering.
‘Zephyr,’ she say, ‘for goodness sake, listen to your Uncle’.

Ah put mah ‘ead up so mah ear’ole ees right next to ‘is speaking apparatus
but ah still ‘ave no idea what eet ees ‘e ees spouting on about.

‘Ah am listening’, ah explain to Le Uncle, ‘ah just ‘ave no idea what eet ees ah am supposed to be listening to’.

Then we notice, Le Imposteur, ‘e ees listening een on le conversation.

So Le Uncle, ‘e go bezerk and chase ‘im away!

Muzzerr notice this, ‘hmmm’ she say, ‘he really shouldn’t do that, poor old Danny Boy has Cushings’.

Cushions? ‘e ‘as cushions?

‘Yes’ say Muzzerr, ‘he is very old and has had a hard life before being rescued’.

Hmmm, ah think, ah must remember to lie down with le ‘orze ‘oo ‘as ‘is own cushions.