Mah Muzzerr is no fun. She iz az boring az a dead bird and ah know ‘ow boring zey are
because ah watch one for ‘alf an hour and ‘e do nothing le ‘ole time ah watch.

‘Wake up Muzzerr’ah yell and ah shake ‘er ‘elpfully.

‘Muzzerr’, ah zay, ‘you are az boring az a dead bird’..

‘Muzzerr, ah ‘ave ‘ad it up to ‘ere’ ah zay.

Muzzerr tell me not to be a naughty little boy.

Or waz it ‘ere?

‘no ah am not’ ah zay, ‘ah am a good boy, ‘oo is also a brave and clever boy, mah Uzzer Muzzer zay zo’.

Ah notice Le Uncle staring at me. ‘e is rolling ‘is eyes. ‘e must ‘ave somezing in zem.

Ah check out Muzzerr’s chassis in case there iz a meteor under there.
There is not but you can never be too sure. Ah grab a quick drink while ah am zere.

Zen, a wonderful zing ‘appen.
Mah Uzzerr Muzzerr arrive and she zee ‘ow boring mah Muzzerr iz zo she put a ‘alter on mah Muzzerr.

Now mah Muzzerr ‘as to go everywhere wiz me.

‘Ow do Tug Boats make it look zo easy?

Ah ‘ave discovered somezing all by myself.

Not even le Uncle ‘elped me wiz zis one.

‘e is busy ignoring me.

Anyway, ah discovered zat if ah squeal, le Uzzerr muzzerr come rushing out of le big stable she live in.

Zen ah get lots of cuddles and she tells me ‘ow brave and ‘andsome ah am.

Of course, ah already know zis, but ah like to be reminded anyhow.
Ah tried it several times today and it worked every time.

Even le old pooch Partly Bluett and ‘is friend La cat Possovitz MacFearsome were impressed.
Zey came out to watch.

Possovitz came over to congratulate me.

But zen she appear to forget what it waz she waz doing.
Cats ‘ave got very small brains.

‘Le Uncle’ ah call, ‘watch zis’, ah yell,  and ah squeal loudly.

Of course La Uzzerr Muzzerr comes rushing out like a ‘Bat wiz ‘iz bum on fire’ – according to le Uncle.

‘Crikey’ zay Le Uncle, ‘You beaut’

Zo naturally, we wait till Uzzerr Muzzerr go back inside and zen le Uncle try it.
And when she rushes out again, ‘e act like ‘e is surprised to zee ‘er.

Zo ah act like ah never zeen ‘er in mah life before.
She stop rushing out after zat.

Today mah Muzzerr ‘as ‘ad it up to ‘ere wiz me again zo
Le Uncle and ah ‘ang out togezzer.

‘e want to know what ah am doing.
‘Sharpening mah teeths’, ah zay. Zo ‘e ‘as to try it too.

‘What shall we do now, le Uncle’ ah ask, ‘Huh? Huh?’

We played ‘‘ad it up to ‘ere’ for a while.

‘Muzzerr ‘as ‘ad it up to ‘ere’ ah yell.

Zen le Uncle and ah invent a new game.
It iz called, ‘Bozzer le Uzzer Muzzer’ and it iz very clever.

Le Uzzerr muzzerr zink wecan’t zee ‘er ‘iding be’ind a little black box she carry.
But we all know she iz zere.
Zo first, ah pretend ah ‘ave no idea where she iz.
“Ah ‘ave no idea where you are, Uzzer Muzzer’ ah yell.

‘You are not ‘iding in mah arm pit ‘ ah yell.

Zen a wander up to ‘er and stare right into le box.
‘But ‘ere iz a little black box’ ah zay, pretending not to notice Uzzer Muzzerr zo fat she need a ‘uge box to ‘ide ‘er.

And ah get closer and closer until she ‘ave to move.

Zen it is le Uncle’s turn.

Except ‘e gets all serious and zay start talking.

Zat iz not meant to ‘appen zo ah stare ‘ard at ‘er.

But Le Uncle wants to discuss boring stuffs like what iz for le dinner.

Zo zere iz only one zing left to do.
Ah bite ‘iz bum.

And zen ah pull ‘is tail.

And finally, ‘e walks away from ‘er and ah ‘ave to go wiz ‘im.

‘Mate’ ‘e zay and ‘e clear ‘is throat and ah know ah am in for a big lecture
which I won’t understand a word of because it will all be in Australian.

‘Strewth Mate ‘e zay, and zen ‘e zomezing about
‘a big wombat and a hairy little Tossa’

Of course, ah don’t zay anything because ah am waiting for le punch line.

Zen, because he iz staring at me waiting for me to zay zomezing,
ah ask ‘im what le punch line iz.

‘Ow waz ah supposed to know ‘e waz not telling le joke
but waz waiting for me to apologise?