Le Uncle and ah ‘ad le important discussion about Crêpes today.

‘HOLY CRAP!’ yell Le Uncle when ah bounce out of le trees and surprise ‘im.

‘Fair suck of the sav, you shouldn’t do that’, ‘e say.
‘Ow can ‘e mistake me for that ‘orze ah wonder,
‘e ees clearly full of Crêpes ah think to mahself.

‘Mah name ees not Fair Suckovasav Le Uncle,
you must be thinking of le Russian ‘orze down le road’.

‘Crikey’ say Le Uncle, ‘what are on about now’.
But ah am thinking only about being mistaken for Fair Sukovasav .

‘Comeorn ya leedle Tossa’ yell Le Uncle, ‘eets justan expression’.

‘Do not call me Fair Suckovasav ,’ ah yell.

Le Uncle try to soothe me but eet ees too late.
Ah am, to put eet een Uzzerr Muzzrerr’s words, le ‘very upset young man’.
‘Le Russian ‘orze, Fair Suckovasav, ‘e ees le fat ugly ‘orze,’ ah sob.

‘Maaaate,’ say Le Uncle, bu ‘e ees speaking in Australian and ah,
being french, of course, ah do not understand a word of what ‘e say.

‘ow could you mistake ‘im for me’ ah sniff.

Le Uncle start yapping on in Australian about not knowing any Fair Suckovasav
but ah know crepes when ah ‘ear eet so ah tell ‘im.

‘You are full of le crepes, Le Uncle’, ah say.

‘On and on you go,  crêpesing on een le Australian about all sorts of stupeed Crêpes’,
ah continue.

‘Mate’, say Le Uncle,
‘You might want to learn the difference between a Crêpes and a crap‘.

‘Do you even know the difference’? he say.
There is la difference? ah think but
ah keep mah lips sealed.

Today ah try to put on a shadow puppet show but Le Uncle will not stay still.

Ah decide to pretend ah am ‘im. Ah do mah ‘Old Man’ Impression.
Ah do this be’ind ‘im so ‘e can not see me of course.
Ah mince along with mah ‘Old Man Face’.

Some’ow Le Uncle notice me and  ‘e give me a bollocking.
Then Muzzerr look up and tell me to ‘Pull Mah ‘ead in’.

So ah do.

But ah still ‘ave to apologise.
Ah am sorry Le Uncle’ ah say but mah ‘ooves are crossed.
Ah am not really sorry. Eh eh eh.
Le Uncle decide to punish me with a lecture.

On and on ‘e go in Australian.
Something about ‘airy Leedle Tossas and firing up les barbeques.
Ah am almost asleep with boredom.

Suddenly, ah wake with a start and realise ‘e ‘as been lecturing me for about 2 weeks.
Ah still ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about.
Ah do not understand Australian, ah do not think anyone does.
‘Ave you finished yet Le Uncle?’ ah whisper,’ah am starving’.

Then, Quelle ‘orreur, ‘e bite me!
‘You did not hear a word I said deed ya?’ ‘e yell.
‘ow did ‘e know?

‘Ah am sorry Le Uncle, ah listen to everything and ah  learn a ‘uge amount all about Australia’.
Ah am making eet up as ah go but ‘e believe me and suddenly ‘e agree to play a game of ”Ad eet up to ‘ere’

As usual, Muzzerr does not approve but she ‘as mud on ‘er face so we do not care what she think.

‘MUZZERR,’ ah am shouting now, ‘AS ‘AD EET UP TO ‘ERE!’

Then we ‘ave a race around le paddock. Of course Le Uncle ees le Old Man
so ah ‘ave to slow mahself right down so ‘e can catch up.
Le Uncle, ‘e go about le speed of la Roosting Pullet.

When we stop, Le Uncle starts quaffing on about what ‘e did when ‘e was a colt.
Ah wonder why Uzzerr Muzzerr does not ‘av ‘er ‘ooves trimmed when we do.

Ah ‘ave ‘ad to go into ‘iding.
Muzzerr and Le Uncle are threatening to kill me.

Ah may ‘ave to go into le Witness protection.

Ah do not know why, but suddenly, everybody want to  kill me.

Ah am a very ‘elpful little boy. Ah groom Muzzerr.
Someone ‘as to do eet and Le Uncle refuse.

Ah may ‘ave got a bit carried away with mah grooming of Muzzerr’s back.
She does look like an enormous carrot when you get up close.

Can ah ‘elp eet eef Muzzerr does not appreciate eet when ah point out
eet ees ‘er big botterm that ees ‘olding up all le traffic?

‘Look out Muzzerr,’ ah yell, ‘Coming through; move that botterm’.

Ah may ‘ave given ‘er le ‘elpful nudge.

Ah ‘ad no idea Le Uncle would get such a fright when ah gallop up be’ind ‘im and yell,
‘Run for your larf Le Uncle, your tail ees on fire!’

‘ow was ah supposed to know ‘e would run for ‘is larf.

And when ah leap up into le air and shout ‘YIKES, did you feel that earthquake?’
‘ow was ah supposed to know Le Uncle would ‘ave a ‘eartattack.

Ah thought ‘e ‘ad died.

But unfortunately, for me, ‘e recover, and now, ‘e look for me.

Luckily, ‘e will never find me ‘ere.