Le Uncle ees being a big ‘Know-all’ and ah for one ‘ave ‘ad enough.

‘Le Uncle,’ ah say, ‘what would ‘appen eef ah ‘ad no legs’.

Le Uncle look up at me, ‘Well, DUH’ ‘e say.

‘What?’ ah say, ‘what ees a Duh?’

‘DUUUH’ say Le Uncle again.

‘Huh?’ ah say.

‘Errr DUUUUUUH’.

Ah ‘ave a feeling ‘e ees being rude
so ah do what any ‘orze would do and ah pull ‘is tail.

Ah lift eet up and pull eet ‘ard.

Le Uncle try to walk off but ah ‘ave ‘im by le tail and ah am not letting go.

Muzzerr look up from where she ees flossing ‘er teefs, ‘Zephyr,’ she call, ‘ah would not do that if I was you’.

Suddenly Le Uncle whirl around and ‘e start going on and on at me een Australian. ‘Faircrack of thewhip My Son’ ‘e say, ‘yourheads aboutas fullas a fairy’s phonebook, now cutthelarking about and pullyahead in.’

Of course ah ‘ave no idea what ‘e ees on about but ah guess ‘e ees not
pleased with me so ah decide to pretend to ‘ave an attack of le colic.
Ah drop to le ground and roll around groaning fit to bust.

Le Uncle look concerned so ah carry on for a bit.
‘Ooooh arrrrr, ooooh arrrrrrrr’ ah shout.

Suddenly Monsieur Danny Boy appears, ‘Would ya take a look at dat’ ‘e say, ‘Da wee lad’s being a poirit, Oi remember da days when oi used to do such stuff’. And on and on ‘e went.

‘Is that what he’s being,’ interrupt  Le Uncle, before Monsieur Danny can get too carried away.
‘Here was me thinking he was playing the prawn on the barbeque’.

Ah realise eet ees time to stop ‘aving le colic. Ah wonder ‘ow to do thees without losing mah dignity completely.

Ah wait till Le Uncle ‘as gone away ….

and Monsieur Danny Boy ‘as ees eyes closed.

Then ah bounce up off le ground.

Ah stretch and exclaim loudly –
‘did you see that uzzerr ‘airy leetle boy ‘aving a tantrum on le ground –
‘ow embarrassing’.

Then ah go and ‘elp Monsieur Danny Boy with le ‘oovering.
Ah am a ‘elpful little boy.
Monsieur Danny Boy ‘e really does know stuff and ‘e ees awfully ‘airy.